I decided enough was enough before it went too far and from that one look alone, I would say we had crossed that line at the first round of teasing. So to get him to release me I licked his palm, shocking him enough to pull back.
“That was a sneaky trick.” He said shaking his head slightly as if trying to get rid of some inappropriate thought.
“When means must.” I said straightening up and smoothing back my loose hair that had gone crazy in the fight.
“So are you gonna tell me what you were blushing about?” He raised one single eyebrow at me and Jesus if it wasn’t one of the sexiest sights alive!
“I don’t know, do you want to be writhing beneath me again?” He countered and soon I was blushing scarlet. Was it just me or did the air get thick in here damn fast?
“Now who’s blushing?” He stated and was soon staring at my bottom lip held captive by my teeth.
“Draven, I don’t think we should…”
“So tell me, exactly how exciting is life as a librarian?” He said interrupting me and I knew he did it on purpose. Well if he wanted to change the subject first then I was happy to comply.
“Oh it’s thrilling, no honestly…one minute it’s all Economics 101 and Moby Dick the next…I really don’t how I endure all the excitement. You know I sometimes find myself going home giddy.” I said making him roar with laughter.
“I can only imagine.”
“Oh and I really must thank you.”
“And why is that?” He asked, again raising a sexy eyebrow my way.
“Because you gave me a glowing reference.”
“Oh did I now?” I nodded making him chuckle and once again shake his head at me.
“Now that I would be curious to read.”
“I bet, it was a doozy and very gushing with praise, if anything you were a fool for letting me go.” I said before I realised what I’d said. His smile dropped and he looked down at the floor for a silent moment before raising his eyes to mine once more.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t…well…ok you know I have no filter from my brain to my mouth right?” I said trying to lighten the mood after my slip up. What was wrong with me? What was I saying, I knew what was wrong with me and so did my subconscious that wanted to continue to make him suffer for ever leaving me! Yeah, that was it.
“I am fully aware I deserve far worse, Keira. There is no need to hold back in sparing my feelings, as you could not say anything that I have not already tortured myself with.”
“Draven…” He silenced me with a slight shake of his head and a smile that this time didn’t reach his eyes.
“What are we doing, Draven?” I bravely asked after I had given him the minute he needed. He lifted his head to look at me and raked a hand through his hair to push it back from where it had fallen.
“I don’t know but if I was to venture a guess I would say finding a truce.” He said softly and I could tell he was testing the waters with his reply.
“So, friends then?” I asked not being able to help sounding hopeful. Because as crazy as I must be right now, I had no wish to behave in a way I was completely entitled to. Yes, I could have been a bitch and yes I could have told him that I hated him and cried about it for the rest of my days. But where would that have left me when all my tears had dried up…?
Regrets, that’s what. Burning regrets that I could never take back. No matter what this man had put me through he had still saved my life. He had brought me back to myself after I left a part of me back in the cold damp prison all that time ago. He had shown me a love I knew I would never find again and so what if he never followed through with it and fought till the end for it. Because the reality of it all was a question I asked myself once. Was it really better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all?
Well, I had my answer then and I had my answer now. Because you don’t go to Hell and back for a man and ever…EVER… stop loving him, no matter what he did to you, it just wasn’t possible. And trust me I had spent the last ten months, all three hundred and fourteen days to be precise, trying to do just that. And one look at Draven again and I knew that I had wasted every single minute trying.
So with all this in mind and even with the broken heart and hurt that had all but ripped me apart, I still couldn’t fully give him up when given the chance. So I would take it. I would take it even though I knew we would never be to each other what we once were. Because at the root of it all, I would never be able to forgive him and Draven would never want me enough for me to be able to forgive him.
“If that’s what you can give, then that’s what I will take.” He said replying after processing my question. I smiled up at him and held out my hand.