The Paternity Proposition(35)

Those three words couldn't possibly explain what it had been like, Phoebe thought. She still remembered her shock the first time she'd seen an indoor bathroom. The toilet had stunned her, while the idea of hot running water on demand had been a taste of heaven.

"I started school, of course," she said.

"You must have had difficulties."

"Just a couple. I knew how to read, but I'd had no education. Math was a mystery to me. I knew my numbers, but nothing else. Plus I'd missed all the socialization that most children undergo. I didn't know how to make friends, and I'd never seen a television, let alone a movie."

"Your mother had no right to do that to you."

She glanced at him, surprised by the fierceness in his voice. "She did what she thought was best. Sometimes I think I understand, other times I'm angry."                       
       
           



       

They stepped into the sun and Phoebe was grateful for the warmth.

They walked in silence for several minutes. There were things about her past that she'd never admitted to anyone, not even Ayanna. Her aunt had been so kind and supportive from the first that she hadn't wanted to trouble her.

"I didn't make friends easily," Phoebe whispered. "I didn't know how. The other children knew I was different and they stayed away from me. I was grateful when they found my aunt, not only to have a home, but to get away from the loneliness."

Mazin led her to a bench on the side of the path. She settled in a corner, her hands clasped tightly together, the memories growing larger in her mind.

"Ayanna drove out to get me. Later she told me it was because she thought the car trip would give us time to get to know each other." She smiled sadly. "Her plan worked. By the time we reached Florida, I was comfortable with her. And I did a little better making friends. I'd learned from previous mistakes. Unfortunately, I had more trouble in school. For a while the teachers were convinced I was retarded. I couldn't even score well on the IQ tests because I didn't have the frame of reference to answer the questions."

"Yet you were successful."

She nodded. "It took a long time. Ayanna took me to the library every week and helped me pick out different books so that I could learn about things. It's the little things, like knowing that the word pipe has two meanings."

She suddenly realized how long she'd been talking, and groaned. "I'm sorry. I don't even remember what you asked me. I know you couldn't have wanted this long answer."

"I'm happy to hear about your past," Mazin told her, lightly touching the back of her hand. "I am impressed by your ability to overcome a disadvantage."

She supposed his answer should have pleased her, but it didn't. She wanted him to see her as someone he could find exciting, not as an example of a job well done. She wanted him to take her in his arms again and kiss her thoroughly.

With a fierceness that both shocked and frightened her, she found herself wishing that he did want to seduce her.

But instead of kissing her or even holding her close, he rose.

Reluctantly she got to her feet.

They continued to walk through the garden. Mazin was a most attentive host, pointing out plants of interest, inquiring about her state of well-being in the hot morning. As the sun rose in the sky, her spirits plummeted. She shouldn't have told him about her strange upbringing. She shouldn't have spilled her secrets. How could he think of her as anything but odd?

"You have grown silent," Mazin said when he realized Phoebe had stopped talking.

She shrugged.

He took in the slump of her shoulders and the way her fingers endlessly pleated her skirt. "Why are you sad?"

"I'm not. I just feel … " She pressed her lips together. "I don't want you to think I'm stupid."

"Why would I think that?"

"Because of what I told you."

She had told him about her past. From his perspective, the information had only made her more dangerous. Yesterday she had been a pretty woman who attracted him sexually. Their kiss had shown him the possibilities and the accompanying arousal had disturbed his sleep. Today he knew that she was more than an appealing body. He knew that she had a strong spirit and that she had succeeded against impossible odds. Why would that make him think she was stupid?

Women were complex creatures.

"Put it from your mind, my dove," he told her, taking her hand in his. "I admire your ability to overcome your past. Come, I will show your our English rose garden. Some of the rosebushes are very ancient, and still annoyed to find themselves so far from home."





The next morning Phoebe had almost convinced herself that Mazin meant what he said-that he admired her for her past. However, she couldn't quite embrace the concept, mostly because he hadn't kissed her goodbye. He'd kissed her on the first day, but not on the second. Didn't that mean they were moving in the wrong direction?

She stood in front of the bathroom mirror and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. As the dress hadn't created any magic the day before, she was back in slacks and a T-shirt. Maybe now he would want to kiss her.

She finished with her hair and dropped her hands to her side. After only two days in the company of a handsome man, her brain was spinning. It was probably for the best that there hadn't been any kissing. Except she'd really enjoyed how she'd felt in his arms.

"At least I'm having an adventure, Ayanna," she said as she smoothed sunscreen on her arms. "That should make you happy."

She was still smiling at the thought of her aunt's pleasure when the phone rang. Phoebe turned to look at it, her stomach clenching. There was only one person who would be calling her, and she already knew the reason.

"Hello?"

"Phoebe, this is Mazin. Something has come up and I will not be able to join you today."

She was sure he said more, that he kept talking, but she couldn't hear anything. She sank onto the bed and closed her eyes.                       
       
           



       

He wasn't coming. He was bored with her. He thought she was a child, or maybe he'd been lying when he'd said he appreciated her past. It doesn't matter, she told herself, squeezing in the pain. This trip wasn't about him-it never had been. How could she have forgotten?

"I appreciate you letting me know," she said brightly, interrupting him. "I'll let you get back to your day and I must begin mine. There is so much to see on this beautiful island. Thank you, Mazin. Good-bye."

Then she hung up before she did something stupid like cry.

It took her fifteen minutes to fight back tears and another ten to figure out what she was going to do. Her aunt had specifically left her the money to visit Lucia-Serrat. Phoebe couldn't repay her by wasting time sulking. She read Ayanna's list and then studied the guidebook. The church of St. Mary was within walking distance. Next to that was a dog park. If the beauty of the architecture and stained glass didn't ease the disappointment in her heart, then the antics of the dogs would make her laugh.

That decided, Phoebe headed out on her own. She found the church, a stunning structure with high arches and cool interiors. She admired the carvings and let the silence and peace ease her pain.

She'd known Mazin only a little over two days, she told herself as she sat in a rear pew. He had been more than kind. It was wrong and foolish of her to expect more of him. As for the kiss and her fantasies that he might want to seduce her, well, at least she had been kissed. The next time, with the next man, she would do better. Eventually she would figure out how to be normal.

She left the church and walked to the dog park. As she'd hoped, there were dozens of dogs playing, running and barking. She laughed over the antics of several small dalmatian puppies and helped an older woman put her Irish setter in the back of her car.

By the time she stopped for lunch her spirits had risen to the point where she could chat with the waitress about the menu and not think about Mazin.

While waiting for her entrée, she made friends with the older English couple at the next table, and they recommended she try the boat tour that went around the island. The trip took all day and offered impressive views of Lucia-Serrat. As they were all staying at the Parrot Bay Inn, they walked back together and Phoebe stopped at the concierge desk to pick up a brochure on the boat trip. Then she headed up to her room, pleasantly tired and pleased that she'd gotten through the day without thinking of Mazin more than two or three dozen times.

Tomorrow she would do better, she promised herself. By next week, she would barely remember his name.

But when she entered her room, the first thing she noticed was a new, larger spray of flowers. Her fingers trembled as she opened the card.

"Something lovely for my beautiful dove. I'm sorry I could not be with you today. I will be thinking of you. Mazin."

Her throat tightened and her eyes burned as she read the card. She didn't have to compare the handwriting with that on the first card she'd received-she knew they were the same. The fact that he had just been trying to be nice didn't lessen her pain. Perhaps she was being foolish and acting like a child, but she missed him.