The Passage(357)

“You can do this.”

She passed the box to Michael. “Please,” she begged.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” He held the box away from his body, trying to give it back. “You’re the nurse.”

Peter felt a blast of exasperation. Any longer, and his resolve would fail him. “Will somebody, please, just get this done.”

“I’ll do it,” Alicia said.

She took the box from Michael, and opened it.

“Peter… ”

“What is it now? Flyers, Lish.”

She turned it in her hands to show them. “This box is empty.”

Amy, he thought. Amy, what have you done?

They found her kneeling by the fire pit as she was dropping the last vial into the flames. Baby Caleb lay against her shoulder, wrapped in a blanket. A sizzling pop flew up as the liquid inside the last vial expanded to a boil, shattering the glass.

Peter crouched on the ground beside her. He was too stunned even to feel angry. He didn’t know what he felt at all. “Why, Amy?”

She did not look at him but kept her eyes focused on the fire, as if to verify that the virus was really gone. With the fingers of her free hand she was gently stroking the baby’s cap of dark hair.

“Sara was right,” she said finally. “It was the only way to make sure.”

She lifted her eyes from the flames. And when Peter saw what lay inside them, he understood what she had done-that she had chosen to take this burden from him, from them all, and that this was a mercy.

“I’m sorry, Peter,” Amy said. “But it would have made you like me. And I couldn’t let that happen.”

They did not speak of that night again-of the virus, or the flames, or what Amy had done. Sometimes, in odd moments when he recalled these events, Peter felt, strangely, as if it had been a dream; or if not a dream, then something like a dream, with a dream’s texture of inevitability. And he came to believe that the destruction of the virus was not, in the end, the catastrophe he had feared but, rather, one more step on the road they would travel together, and that what lay ahead was something he could not know, nor needed to know. Like Amy herself, it was something he would take on faith.

The morning of their departure, Peter stood on the porch with Michael and Theo, watching the sun come up. His brother’s splints had come off at last; he could walk, but with a pronounced limp, and he tired quickly. Below them, Hollis and Sara were loading up the Humvee with the last of the gear. Amy was still inside with Maus, who was nursing Caleb one last time before they set out.

“You know,” Theo said, “I have the feeling that if we ever came back here, it would be just as it is now. Like it’s apart from everything. Like no time ever really passes here.”

“Maybe you will,” Peter said.

Theo fell silent, letting his gaze travel over the dusty street.

“Oh, hell, brother,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know. It’s nice to think it, though.”

Amy and Mausami emerged from the house. Everyone gathered around the Humvee. Another departure, another goodbye. There were hugs, good wishes, tears. Sara climbed behind the wheel, Hollis beside her, Theo and Mausami in the back with their gear. Also in the cargo compartment of the Humvee were the documents Lacey had given to Peter. Just deliver them, Peter had said, to whoever’s in charge.

Amy reached inside to give baby Caleb one last embrace. As Sara turned the engine over, Greer stepped to the open driver’s window.

“Remember what I said. From the fuel depot, straight south on Highway 191. You should be able to pick up Route 60 in Eagar. That’s the Roswell Road, takes you straight to the garrison. There’s fortified bunkers about every hundred kilometers. I marked them on Hollis’s map, but look for the red crosses, you can’t miss them. Nothing fancy, but it should get you through. Gas, ammo, whatever you need.”

Sara nodded. “Got it.”

“And whatever you do, stay away from Albuquerque-the place is crawling. Hollis? All eyes.”

In the passenger seat, the big man nodded. “All eyes, Major.”

Greer stepped back, making space for Peter to approach.

“Well,” Sara said, “I guess this is it.”

“I guess so.”

“Take care of Michael, all right?” She snuffled and wiped her eyes. “He needs… looking after.”

“You can count on it.” He reached in to shake Hollis’s hand, wished him good luck, then lifted his voice to the rear of the Humvee. “Theo? Maus? All set back there?”

“Ready as we’ll ever be, brother. We’ll see you in Kerrville.”

Peter backed away. Sara put the Humvee in gear, swung the vehicle in a wide circle, and pulled slowly down the street. The five of them-Peter, Alicia, Michael, Greer, and Amy-stood in silence, watching it go. A boiling plume of dust, the sound of its motor fading, then gone.