Meanwhile, during dinner, I’m busy trying to decipher just what the hell is going on with my parents. They are acting like a bunch of star-crossed teenagers, all gaga eyed and extra polite to each other. I suppose I should be mature and think it’s really sweet but there’s a part of me that just doesn’t get it.
It isn’t until after the meal when my father invites Linden to step outside and have a cigar with him – a good thing since that’s always been a sign that my dad really likes you – that I have a chance to be alone with my mom.
But before I can even say anything she’s asking me about Linden.
“When on earth did the two of you get together?” she asks, putting the last of the dishes away. My mom cleans as she cooks, so there’s actually never anything to help her with after the meal is over.
“A few weeks ago,” I tell her as I nurse my glass of wine, not really wanting to get into it.
She folds her arms and leans back against the counter. “And are you serious about him?”
I roll my eyes. “Look, I don’t know.”
She studies my face for a moment. “Yes you do. Why are you holding out on me?”
I smile at her choice of words. “I’m not holding out on you, mom. It’s just new. And it’s complicated. And I don’t know what we are.”
“You’re sleeping together.”
“Mom,” I warn.
“I hope you’re using protection.”
“Mom,” I say again. “Please. I’m thirty. I know these things. Next you’re going to tell me to be careful because boys are only after one thing.”
“No, I won’t tell you that,” she says, folding a drawer of dishcloths, “because I can see that he’s after more than that.”
I don’t say anything but a small part of me is elated that she noticed.
“But,” she goes on, “I also see you’re being cautious. That’s a good thing but don’t let it get between you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I know it can be complicated, as you say, going from friends to lovers. But that’s how some of the best relationships start.”
“Right. But that can also be how some of the best relationships end.”
“That is true,” she says, her voice sing song. “But it’s always worth a risk. Especially as you get older.”
“Again, mom, I’m only thirty.”
“I know, I know. Quit reminding me how old you are, it only makes me feel older.” She shuts the drawer and sighs. “When you’re young, you see the world in black and white. When you get older, you realize it’s always been grey. Same goes for love.”
“Are you talking about me and Linden now or you and dad?”
She smiles to herself and it makes her face look even more delicate. “Your father and I had a real rough patch. Actually, it’s always been rough. If it wasn’t for you and your brother, especially your brother, we would have gotten a divorce a very long time ago. But we held off for both your sakes. That wasn’t how life worked. So when the time was right, your father decided to move on from me.”
I’m having a hard time trying to absorb this information. The whole time growing up, I thought my parents were madly in love with each other, just because they were parents and that’s what they were supposed to be. Turned out, I had no idea what “settling” looked like. Now I do.
“I know it isn’t easy for you to understand,” she continues, “and it’s even harder to explain. But I knew it was the thing to do. What I didn’t know, what I didn’t realize, was how much I missed your father. How much I actually loved him. I ignored it for a while, not wanting to risk it again. I think he was doing the same, that’s why he wasn’t as in touch with you. But when he called me one day, out of the blue, wanting to talk, I thought maybe we could take it slow.”
“So…this is you taking it slow? Is that why he doesn’t live here?”
She nods. “He comes to see me a few times a week. We go on dates. It’s…nice. And it’s unconventional. Our friends don’t understand but it works for us. Shades of grey, you see. Sometimes things work out with the person you never expected. Sometimes that person is your husband. Sometimes they end up being your best friend.”
While I’m pondering that, my dad and Linden come back in the room, smelling like cigars, which is actually a smell I happen to love. As Linden removes his shoes, my dad goes over to my mom and kisses her lovingly on the cheek. She waves her apron at him to waft the stink away.
So, my mom and my dad are dating. Each other. I guess there are worse scenarios out there.