The Pact(66)
The espresso machine was actually a gift from my parents. They tend to give me a lot of things that say a lot without really saying thing at all. The espresso machine said, “Here, this cost a lot of money, I hope this makes up for the fact that we never called you once last year.” You know, things like that.
“It did,” I tell her. “I hope it would help get me lucky. Guess it worked.”
She narrows her eyes at me playfully. “You’re a pig.”
“You’ve called me that before.”
“If the shoe fits.”
“Pigs don’t wear shoes.”
“They do on cartoons,” she points out. She takes a bite of her eggs and closes her eyes. It’s almost like watching her O-face all over again. “Oh my god. These are the best eggs I’ve ever had.”
“Only the best from the best,” I tell her.
“Don’t tell me you laid these.”
“I can tell you what got laid and it wasn’t those eggs.”
She looks to the ceiling and shakes her head. “Such a cheeseball.”
She’s kind of right about that, I just hoped she wouldn’t catch on so fast.
After we’re done eating, we settle on the couch as we usually do. But instead of her sitting on one end and me on the other, this time I’m able to pull her on top of me and molest her constantly. I’m not really sure what the record is for number of times one can have sex in a day, but this damn woman is nearly breaking me.
When she’s finished riding me and we’re satisfied for now, we flip through the channels on TV without any real purpose. It’s Sunday and there’s nothing on.
“It’s kind of ironic that there is never anything on Sundays when that’s the day you’d actually be home watching TV.”
She shrugs. “I guess. To be honest, I’m not really sure what Sundays are anymore.”
“But you get them off.”
“Yes,” she says with a pert smile on her lips. “And I get off on them.”
“Clever.”
“But no, most Sundays I’m going up to Petaluma to see my mom. Or I’m working on stuff for the store. I’m still feeling guilty about closing the shop last weekend.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” I tell her, “but I would much rather you feel guilty about that last Saturday and not about us.”
Her face softens slightly. “Oh. No. Linden. I don’t feel guilty about that. It was a dare.”
“But it wasn’t.”
“But that’s what it was to everyone else. I just feel bad that it took me so long to, I don’t know, take a chance I guess. And of course I feel bad for stringing Aaron along.”
I sit up straighter. “But you weren’t stringing him along. You liked him.”
She nods. “You’re right. I did. And in the end, I made the right choice. No doubt. He’s happy doing whatever. I’m happy doing you. But, I mean, I still feel a little bit bad. Don’t you over Nadine?”
Ugh. It’s like you can ignore that shit for so long but once you’re reminded of it, it cuts deep.
“Yeah, I do feel bad,” I tell her. “And I admit I was completely selfish about all of this because I wanted you Steph and that’s all I could think about. But what was I supposed to do? The fact that I realized how I felt about you…I knew I couldn’t be with her any longer. I couldn’t live a lie. I might have been in denial with her for a long time but as soon as I woke up, I knew I had to end it. I know plenty of people stay in relationships out of convenience or they’re afraid of being the bad guy or they’re just too bloody lazy. But the moment I knew the truth, I was out of there. It sucked for Nadine and I am sure I’m going to be in a world of hurt tomorrow when I go into work but I still stand by what I did. She can hate me all she wants, and she will, but she would hate me more if I stayed with her because I felt I had to, not because I actually wanted to.”
“You don’t have to explain to me,” she says. “I understand. I was there. I just went through that.”
I sigh, feeling all worked up inside. “I know. I just know I’ve got a lot of people pointing their finger at me right now and it doesn’t feel good.”
“Because they don’t understand. Because it looks bad.”
“But it’s not bad. How can anything involving you be bad?”
“Because those people don’t know me and they don’t really know you either. And some people live in denial. Some people think it’s noble to settle. But you’re not some people, Linden. You’re not even most people. You’re you. And, I’ve got to say, I’m having no complaints from this department.”