“That felt like you, baby blue,” he says. “And it felt good.”
My breath stills, my heart starts to thump harder, slower.
He reaches for my hand and I let him take it because I am weak and I have no willpower. Not with him. None.
“I don’t know what that was,” I whisper. “It was just a dare.”
He squeezes my hand hard and starts to lace his fingers in with mine. Now I’m staring at our intertwined hands, his large one over my small one, and I’m struck by how natural it looks, how easy it feels. I’m meant to hold this man’s hand. I’m meant to kiss him.
“Look at me,” he says. I don’t. He reaches for me with his other hand and his fingers rest underneath my chin. He raises it up until I am forced to meet his eyes, those dark blue, stormy eyes. My knees feel like they are made of jelly and my heart beat is all I can hear.
“That was more than just a dare,” he murmurs and as he speaks, his voice is so rough and low that I can’t help the shivers down my spine nor the heat between my legs. “That was real. That was something. Tell me you felt something, that you felt what I felt.”
“What did you feel?” I whisper.
He runs a thumb across my lips. “I felt you. The you I’ve always wanted.”
Oh god. What is he saying? He’s staring at me so hungrily and I crave that look, that want, so much that another kiss is inevitable. If he doesn’t do it, I will.
But in the background, above the crackle of the flames, I can still hear our friends’ voices. I can still hear Aaron’s laugh. He might not be the guy for me, but he is a nice, good guy at heart and I couldn’t cheat on him. I couldn’t do that to him, not when it’s been done to me before.
“It’s okay to want me, you know,” Linden says thickly.
My stomach quivers. I manage to shake my head and now his fingers are trailing behind my neck, running into the base of my hair and another shiver escapes down my back.
“Since when is it ever okay to want your best friend?” I say softly, nearly choking on the words. Because that’s what he is, that’s what he’s always been.
He smiles gently, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Isn’t that the best person to want? The person that knows you inside and out. The person who has seen you at your ugliest and most beautiful and still wants to be with you. The person who believes in you and has your back, no matter what.” Then his smile fades and his brow furrows. “You’ve always been more than a friend to me, Steph. Always. You have no idea how I’ve felt, how I still feel about you.”
I blink, trying to absorb what he’s saying. How have I always been more than a friend to him? How has that even been possible, all this time?
“You have no idea how badly I want you.” He takes another step toward me and now my back is flat against the car and his hard, strong body is against mine. “Do you feel that?” his voice is rough as he presses himself against me, stealing my breath. “That’s how hard I am for you. All the fucking time.”
He is hard as steel, his large erection digging into my thigh and I can’t even swallow or think or act. I’m just this soft shell with a beating heart and flaring hormones and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a man to just take me and fuck me senseless, to just drill into me, to make me totally and completely his, as much as I want him right now.
I close my eyes as his lips go for my neck and he kisses me there, soft and sweet, wet and warm.
I want more.
I can’t have more.
“I can’t do this,” I manage to say, my words disappearing into the night. Part of me is hoping Linden won’t hear them, that he’ll continue to kiss me and press his dick against me. I want his hands, those long, strong fingers, to disappear inside my jeans, in my underwear, to find out how wet I am, because I know I am so fucking wet for him. I want his tongue in my mouth, on my breasts, my jeans to be ripped down and I want to wrap my legs around him as he fucks me against the side of the car.
It would be so easy. It would be so fucking good.
But he hears my words.
And he stops.
He takes a step back from me and I can see his heart is racing too, his pulse visible on his neck, his breathing shallow and unsteady. “You can’t do this?” he asks. “Or you won’t?”
I lick my lips and the blood is coming back to my legs. I feel a little bit stronger. “Both. Aaron. I can’t do this to him. It’s not fair.”
“Then break up with him.”
“You’re still with Nadine,” I am quick to remind him.
“I’ll do the same. Look, Steph, if you’ve felt anything for me at all, even the slightest clench between your legs, you know you shouldn’t be with him. You know it’s over.”