It’s not that I want to hear about him and Nadine, particularly if they are happy. And I really don’t want to hear about their sex life. Linden has been known to be extremely forthcoming about that and this morning I could hear some kind of sexual activity going on in their bedroom that culminated with Linden moaning, a sound that turned me on so much I had to hop into the bathroom and get myself off before I soaked my underwear.
But even though I don’t want to hear about their relationship, I want to know that he’s happy. That he’s okay. I want to feel close to him again.
And, I guess, I want to know if the whole pact thing was ever something he took seriously. I wonder if it still counts if we’re both thirty and end up single again. If I broke up with Aaron and he broke up with Nadine – all in the natural course of things – would that mean that the pact would still be honored?
Would he seriously still consider marrying me? Could I seriously consider marrying him?
Could we at least fuck each other’s brains out until we figured out what to do?
Because that, that sounds like the best pact of all.
“Earth to Stephanie,” James is saying now, waving his hand in front of my face. He is sitting across from me, Penny on one side of him, Linden on the other. Aaron is beside me, and Nadine beside him and across from Linden. Their end of the table seems a bit strained but I’m realizing that that’s just how their relationship is. I have been avoiding eye contact with Linden more often, though. Ever since we went to Gualala together, she’s been watching us like a hawk. I’m surprised she wasn’t spying on us while we were on the beach.
“Sorry,” I say, clearing my throat. “Spacing out a bit.”
“Thinking about work?” he asks with a sympathetic tilt to his head.
“Yeah,” I tell him. I don’t like lying to James either but it’s easier this way.
Penny leans across the table and says, “We’re going to play truth or dare. Are you in?”
I raise my brow and take a sip of my overly hoppy beer. “Look, I know I said age is nothing but a number, but…”
“Oh, it’ll be fun,” she says. Everything seems fun to Penny. Out of everyone sitting at the table, I’m hoping – and betting – that she and James will go the distance. They’d have a real rock and roll wedding.
I shrug. “All right, I just hope we have enough beer to bury all the shame that will come later.”
Linden pats the case of beer that’s on the ground beside the table. “Don’t worry about that.”
I meet his eye for a second and then quickly look away. It’s more awkward to do that than it is just to stare at his brooding face in the dark, his masculine jaw lit by the flickering fire.
The game, like I suppose all truth or dare games, starts off innocently enough. When we choose dares we are clucking like chickens (me) or chugging a whole beer (Penny) or mooning everyone (James). When we choose truth we are telling each other we were caught for shoplifting in tenth grade (me), faking orgasms when we’re too stoned to finish (Aaron, which doesn’t really surprise me), and cheating during college (Nadine).
Then it takes a drunken turn.
“Aaron,” James says. “If you had to fuck any of the girls here, not your girlfriend, who would it be?”
My eyes bug out. I’m curious as to what he’s going to say but it’s still kind of invasive.
But Aaron laughs while squeezing my thigh out of reassurance and says. “That’s a tough call, dude. Your girlfriend is super hot. Really.” Penny blushes awkwardly at that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look awkward. “But Nadine has really good fashion sense.”
What? Hey, wait a minute. Since when does dressing like a female lumberjack equal good fashion sense? I own a damn clothing store.
“Plus I think that bitch thing is kind of hot,” he adds.
Now Nadine, who was looking pretty smug over the fashion comment, is glaring at him. “I’m not a bitch, I just know what I want.”
“Sure,” Aaron says. “But you could probably be a little nicer about it.”
I’m watching Linden for his reaction, I can’t help it. He’s actually smiling. No, he’s laughing. Aaron is on point for once.
“That didn’t really answer my question,” says James.
“Can’t I just say I’d do them both, preferably at the same time?”
James’s eyes roll up. “Cop out.”
“Okay my turn,” Nadine quickly says, even though it’s so not her turn. “I have a dare for you Aaron. I want you to kiss Penny. With tongue.”
“Whoa,” James says, shooting her daggers with his eyes. “That’s pushing it a bit, don’t you think? And that’s not how the game works.”