The Pact(21)

I just want to sit on this patio and drink all the beers with my pretty girlfriend and usher in thirty like it’s no big deal. That’s originally why I opted out of any “dirty thirty” parties and all that stupid shit. I want today to be just like any other day.

Yet I know it isn’t. Absolutely nothing should change by turning from twenty-nine to thirty but I can feel the churning, the conversion, somewhere deep inside, like I’m slowly becoming a werewolf or a non-sparkly vampire.

It has absolutely nothing to do with a little pact I had set for myself. No, that shit is over now. I have Nadine and it’s serious. That whole clause of “if we are not in a serious relationship at the time we hit thirty thing”? Well, Nadine is my serious.

“Yeah,” I tell her, even though I know I won’t be asking my mother anything. Nadine is staring at me curiously, her brow furrowed and I can feel a question building, the question that’s been plaguing her ever since I told her they were coming.

“So it’s going to just be the three of you?” she asks.

I nod and down the rest of the beer. “I’d invite you, but, you know. It’s complicated.”

I know she’s been looking for an invitation or at least some explanation of why my girlfriend of six months won’t be meeting my parents, but that’s really all I can give her. The question is, I’m not sure what’s more complicated – my relationship with my parents or my relationship with her.

Maybe we’re not as serious as I like to think.

“I can handle complicated,” she says and I can tell she’s hurt. Actually, it’s extremely easy to tell, she wears her feelings on her sleeve, on her face, everywhere.

I reach across the table and tap her hand. “Babe,” I implore. “It’s just easier for me this way. Don’t worry about it, you’re not missing anything worthwhile.”

She crosses her arms in a huff. “I’d still like to meet your parents, you know, find out a little bit more about you, where you came from.”

“You know where I came from,” I remind her patiently. “I was born in Aberdeen, Scotland, my father was a diplomat. My mother used to breed horses once upon a time. He got a job at the UN. We moved to New York. End of story.”

“Is it because I have to call him His Excellency?”

I give her a look. I’ve heard that all the time, especially when I was in high school. I got the shit kicked out of me more than once because of my father’s job, until I finally learned to fight back.

“He’s not the ambassador to Britain,” I explain. “He’s a few steps below that. No one has to call him His Excellency. Thank god.”

Her eyes widen. “Still sounds major.”

“I guess,” I say and start looking around for the waitress. Another beer or six would be great right now. “I’ve gotten used to it. He was on some security council and was the deputy director of something or other before that.”

“Something or other?” she repeats.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. If it makes my throat feel tight just to talk about them, I don’t know how I’m going to survive tomorrow. “I don’t know. I spent most of my teens drinking, having sex and riding motorcycles. Whatever my dad was involved with was all the same to me. He was part of that world and I had my own.”

“And your brother?”

“He did the same. But somehow he’s the one who got away with it.” I shake my head to myself. “Still does.” I eye her warily and see that she’s just eager for more information. “Come on, let’s get another round. The food was great but the beer here is pouring even better.”

Maybe it’s all the talk about my family life or the two extra pints but when we leave the restaurant and weave our way through Pier 49 and onto the Embarcadero, I don’t really feel like going home anymore.

My phone rings and the moment I see James’s caller ID on the screen, I know I’m saved.

“What’s up, brother?” I ask him, sounding more jubilant than I meant to.

“Hey, you done dinner yet?” His voice is loud and I can hear music thumping behind him.

“Yeah, just finished. Where are you, the Lion?”

“Yeah but we’re heading up to Kozy Kar later. You should come. I mean it’s only your fucking birthday and everything.”

I slowly bring my eyes over to Nadine. She’s staring up at me expectantly, maybe even a bit viciously. She had been extremely happy when I said I wanted to spend my thirtieth birthday with just her and I know that if I deviate from the plan, I’m going to get it.