I’m so completely horrified. He gives my hand a squeeze. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“Believe it, cowboy.”
He smiles but then closes his eyes, tense from pain.
“Do you need me to let you rest?” I ask.
“No,” he quickly says, but keeps his eyes closed. “I just get dizzy. I have a concussion and the drugs are…the drugs are bloody fabulous…but it feels like I’m underwater.” He opens his eyes and stares right at me. “Please don’t go. Tell me things. Tell me how you are.” He takes in a deep, deep breath. “Fuck, I’ve missed you Steph.”
My eyes are growing hot. I don’t want to break down. “I’ve missed you too. It’s been…it’s been rough. It’s not much fun without you.”
“I’m really sorry,” he says, his words getting choked. “I really am. I…I handled everything so wrong. So wrong. I’m…” he pauses and exhales hard, his jaw clenching. “Shit. It hurts every fucking day.”
“Do you need more drugs?” I ask, searching around for the nurse’s call button.
“No,” he says, his eyes flashing, looking wide awake. “No. Not this pain. The pain I caused when I left. I had your love and I threw it away, like it was worth nothing when it was worth everything. I broke my own fucking heart and I broke yours. Every day it feels like there’s another crack inside me and no matter how much I ignore it, it’s not fucking healing. It’s not getting better. Steph...baby blue…I’m so fucking sorry. I ruined everything we had.” He closes his eyes and nods to himself. “I deserve this.”
“Don’t talk like that,” I admonish him quickly. “Seriously, stop it. Yeah, things got fucked up but no one deserves to be in a god damn helicopter crash. No one deserves this, especially not you. People make mistakes, I get it. We just weren’t what I always hoped we’d be.”
“No, we weren’t. We were better than that.” He gives me a half smile. “Together we were the best. That’s why it hurts so fucking much.”
There is a knock at the door and I turn to see James standing there. For the second time in twenty-four hours, I want to kick him the nuts.
“Sorry,” he says, and he does sound sorry. “A nurse told me visiting hours are almost over. I just wanted to say a few words to him.”
I nod but Linden squeezes my hand tighter. “Please don’t go,” he says hoarsely, trying to hold me to him. “I need you.”
Does he really? Or is he in a drugged-up, overly emotional because he faced death head on, kind of daze? I keep forgetting he lives here now. I keep forgetting how much everything has changed.
“You’re going to be fine,” I tell him. Then I reluctantly let go of his hand and walk away so that James can say his peace. As I pass by him in the room, I shoot him a warning. I don’t know what James is going to talk about, if he’s going to lay it all on him like he did to me on the plane, but I’m not sure how much Linden can handle.
James nods though, seeming to understand. I look back in time to see Linden watching me, looking more pained than before. I step out in the hall and see Bram and a distinguished-looking older man standing a few feet away.
“You must be Stephanie,” the man says, coming toward me with his hand out, talking in a ridiculously refined Scottish accent. “I’m Linden’s father.”
“Oh, hello,” I tell him, happy to finally meet this infamous figure. His father is tall and handsome with salt and pepper hair and twinkling eyes. I can definitely see where his sons get their looks from. I shake his hand as firmly as I can, wanting to impress. “Nice to finally meet you.”
“Yes,” he says. “Nice to finally meet you, the famous Stephanie Robson.”
I snort. Not exactly very ladylike. “Famous?”
He exchanges a look with Bram. “Linden has talked about you a lot over the years.”
“He has?” Linden barely talked to his parents at all.
“Yes. You were always mentioned at some point or another. And ever since he moved here, well…you’re mentioned a lot more. It’s nice to put such a lovely face to such a beloved name.”
Linden’s been talking about me his father even now? While I’m pondering that, he places his hand on Bram’s shoulder and says, “I’m going home to get your mother. I’ll be back in a bit.” He gives me a small bow. “Pleasure meeting you. Hope to see you again sometime.”
“Sure, yes of course,” I tell him and watch him go.