I feel so stupid. How did Philippa and Dad get together? Did Dad hate himself but Philippa’s soft touch made him warm and he couldn’t stay away? Who acted first? Did Dad see her painting in the sunlight, and he touched her hair and then he couldn’t forget? I think of Mayur’s hand in the darkness. I retch.
From very far away, I hear voices. This time, I know they aren’t just echoes of my own voice. Above me, flashlight beams dart like searchlights.
“Cyan?” It’s Kammi’s voice. I hear the fear in it. She thinks I’m dead.
“Cyan?” Saco’s voice penetrates the darkness.
“I’m here,” I say. “Here!” I say it louder. The sound echoes in my brain when I talk that loud.
“I hear her. I hear her!” Kammi is shouting. Even from down here, however far I slid and fell, I can hear her relief.
“Are you hurt?” Saco asks.
“Not bad,” I yell.
The light reaches me. I blink.
“You fell in the hole,” Saco says. “We thought you’d run outside.”
I remember now. I wasn’t looking. The only thing that mattered was getting out of the cave.
“How long?” I have no idea.
“Thirty minutes, at most. We can’t see you. Can you stand up?”
“Yes.” I move. At first, my muscles don’t do what I want them to. My leg muscles shake, my arms, too. I wait for the dizziness to pass, then stand.
It’s then that I start to shiver.
“I lost the flashlight,” I say. If they go away, I’ll be in the dark completely. “Don’t leave me here.”
“We won’t leave you,” Kammi says. She speaks to someone else, but I hear her. “Where’s your rope? Give her a flashlight. We can lower it down.”
“Not my flashlight,” says Mayur.
“Give it to her,” Roberto says. “We’ll share mine. We’ve got to figure out how to get her out of there.”
I hear Saco again. “Cyan, the light, it’s coming. Can you see it?”
I sit there looking up, the darkness spinning. I see the aluminum tube jerking down through the hole at an angle. I can see now that the cave wall slopes some; that’s why I didn’t fall straight down. Why I didn’t break my neck.
“Yes.”
“Okay, once you get it, take a look around. See if there’s a way out from there.”
With shaking hands, I untie the flashlight and turn it on. Now that there is a glimmer of light, I can breathe. I shine the light in a circle around me. There’s a dark opening along one wall, but it looks black as pitch, blacker than the rest of the cave. Probably the hole goes farther down; maybe that’s where the water seeps through to the rocks below.
“No, I don’t see anything.” I hear my voice rise again.
“Okay, it’s okay,” Kammi says.
The voices talk above me.
“We have a plan,” Saco says after a minute. “We’re sending the rope down again. This time, tie it around you, under your arms. Knot it twice. We’re going to pull you back up.”
I don’t say anything.
“Cyan, are you there?” Kammi yells.
“I’m here.” They want me to let them pull me back up through the hole I fell through once already. What if they drop me? What if the rope breaks? I rest my hand against the wall. I try not to think. I have to get out of the cave. There is only this one way.
“It’s a real climbing rope. Very strong,” Mayur says. I hear the pride in his voice. His bragging voice again.
The rope slithers toward me. I take off my backpack, loop the rope twice around my chest, and then knot it three times. I slide the pack onto my left shoulder, the one that’s less sore, and stare up through the hole.
“Ready?” Saco asks.
“Wait.” I shine the light around me, looking for the note. The evidence. I can’t find it. I swing the light in wider circles.
“What are you doing?”
I don’t answer. The white paper should glow in the light. Maybe it fluttered into the deeper hole. I can’t see it.
“Cyan?” Kammi asks.
“I’m ready,” I say. I hold the flashlight against my chest. The note is gone. Whatever happens, though, I won’t let go of the flashlight.
“We see you. Check the knot.”
I jerk it hard. It holds fast. “It’s good.”
“Okay, we’re going to start. Slowly.”
I feel the rope tighten around my chest. What if I can’t breathe? What if it slips over my arms and I fall again? My stomach heaves.
“Are you okay?”
“Don’t drop me.”
“We won’t. Hold the rope above the knot.” Saco’s voice is steady.