Roberto, the oldest, goes first. Mayur could have insisted he go first like he usually does, but I think he’s afraid.
Loco goes second, then Saco, with Kammi right behind him. Saco reaches behind and puts his hand on Kammi’s head to make sure she crouches far enough not to hurt herself going through the entrance.
“You go,” Mayur says.
“No, you.” No way I’m letting him follow me into the darkness.
“Afraid?”
“Not of the cave,” I say.
If he’s disappointed, he doesn’t show it. He just shrugs and ducks inside. I could turn back now. I know the trail back to the picnic area. I could find Dr. Bindas.
I take a deep breath and step into the shadows. The cool air flows toward me from deeper inside the cave, and I can smell the darkness. I didn’t know before that darkness has a scent. I touch the wall. Rough limestone, it feels chalky, yet almost damp, like a tray of oil pastels. From somewhere, separate from the voices of boys, I hear the trickling of water.
After a few steps, the outside world seems far away. Here, inside, the air feels heavy, pressing against me. The flashlight shines, but its narrow beam only illuminates the tiniest area in front of me.
Suddenly, something screeches. Wings flutter around my ears. I duck.
“It’s okay,” Roberto calls as the noise dies away. “It’s just an owl. They nest in caves sometimes.”
My knees shake a little as I stand again and follow Mayur.
“There’s a hole just here, be careful,” Roberto calls back, his voice distorted. Flashlight beams cut across the cave like airport spotlights.
I stay close behind Mayur. Even though he’s short, he still has to stoop as we go farther into the cave. I run my hand along the ceiling so I won’t bump my head on any outcroppings.
I follow him around the dark spot on the cave floor. The hole. I wonder how far down it goes, and my stomach flips.
“So, tell me,” I say.
“Wait.”
“Why? The secret’s not in here, is it?”
Mayur laughs. “Maybe. And there are things best talked about in the darkness. Secret things.”
A chill goes through me, but I think it’s just the cool temperature inside the cave.
His hand brushes my skirt. I imagine he’s reaching out to touch the wall.
“Come see, it’s not much farther. At the back of the cave, you can stand up.” Roberto’s voice echoes. I can’t tell how far away he is. “And there’s a little hole in the top.”
Someone shrieks. Just ahead of us. A girl?
“Kammi?” My own voice rises. What if she falls? It’d be my fault. I told her it would be okay. My hand reaches out in the darkness, as if I might feel her in front of me. Someone or something brushes my fingers, and I’m not sure if it’s Mayur or someone else or a bat that Saco says doesn’t live here. I jerk my hand back.
Saco answers, “It’s okay, she just slipped a little. Watch out—there’s water in a couple of places.”
I slide my flip-flops along the cave bottom to avoid stumbling.
Suddenly, we’re in the chamber and we can stand up straight. A thin light shines through a hole in the cave’s high ceiling.
“Hey, see the drawings?” Loco shines his flashlight on the wall.
“Are they native?” Kammi asks.
Saco laughs. “The natives didn’t draw corazones, hearts.”
I see graffiti with people’s initials.
“There’s more,” Roberto says, and he and the others move to the far end of the chamber. Saco shadows Kammi, as if he’s protecting her.
Mayur stands close to me. This is my chance, here in the cave. I touch his arm. “Now.”
He whispers “Maybe” as he finds my hand, the one that touched his arm, and pulls me to kneel on the cave floor with him. My heart starts to pound. I can’t see his face. He turns off his flashlight.
He runs his hand across the top of my skirt until he’s touching my T-shirt.
I grab his hand and cut of my flashlight. I don’t want anyone to see me.
“What are you doing?”
“You want to know what I know? Kiss me.” I smell his skin, its musky scent not that of a little boy’s. He takes shallow breaths, as if he’s afraid to inhale a deep swallow of cave air. Maybe he thinks it’s poisonous. Caves can be that way, with pockets of poison gas, and we’re close to the floor, where bad air settles.
His other hand finds my shoulder. He runs a finger across my collarbone.
The air is so heavy, like water. I can’t breathe. I wonder where the others are, whether they can see us in the darkness.
“You don’t even like me,” I say. Not the way Saco likes Kammi.