The Other Side(37)

In college too, Arti and Samit sat together on the same bench. I dropped the habit of taking a seat in the first row to listen to what the professors had to say and shifted back, just so that I could keep Arti in my sight. I would see her slap Samit's hand playfully and hear her muffled laughter between lectures whenever he would crack some silly joke. His presence irked me no end.

A few days later, I found myself paired with Arti by one of our professors for an experiment in the chemistry lab. Samit was absent thus giving me the golden chance to work on the chemical mixtures along with Arti. She smiled, acknowledging me and I tried to focus on the experiment, trying to enjoy the half hour we would be together.

“Pass me the dropper, Vinay,” she had said, turning to me all of a sudden. With shivering hands, I gave her the instrument while considering the enormity of what she had said. She knew my name, she knew I existed.

I kept mumbling 'Pass me the dropper, Vinay' for three days in a row. I could not contain my feelings any longer and I knew the time had come when I should confess them to her.

But how could I? I couldn't even open my mouth when she was around. The butterflies in my stomach made me forget whatever I would be speaking if my eyes fell on her. The Rose day, I decided, would be the perfect time to profess my love for her.

With a dozen red-roses and a cheesy pick-up line from a romance novel that I had started reading to get schmaltzy ideas, I stood near the college parking space looking out for her familiar figure when loud whistles and hoots attracted my attention. Out of curiosity, I walked to the source of the noise. The roses in my hand seemed to wither away that very instant, their petals suddenly turning black. I could not bring myself to look at that scene- Samit down on his knees handing over a red rose to Arti, who seemed content with blushing away all the attention. The claps and whistles followed, informing me that she had accepted the rose from his hands. Before I left for home, I saw them hugging each other tight. I remained absent from college for that entire week faking an illness, an illness for which there was no cure in the history of mankind.

I resumed college deciding to stay clear from Arti but wherever I went I seemed to run into her, her thoughts never left me. Once again we were teamed up, this time in the Botany lab and Arti suddenly turned to me after we had finished the experiment.

“Vinay, you look so tense these days. You should take a break from studies sometimes and just chill out,” she said.

I wanted to ask her whether she would chill out with me but I ended up giving her a goofy smile and she playfully patted my back before leaving.

My heart started composing fantasies once again and after a long time, I saw a small ray of hope illuminate my life. What if Samit and Arti were to break up? Who would lend her the crying shoulder? I knew what I had to do then. For the first time, I realised that I was ready to do anything to be with her. She was the sole reason I existed.

Two days later, I stole Samit's notebook from class and spent two weeks trying to imitate his handwriting. When I was perfectly sure about my artwork, I wrote a letter to Radhika, another girl in class whom Samit was good friends with. In the letter, Samit through me confessed his infatuation with Radhika, admitting he was with Arti but wanted to dump her because of her incessant tantrums. The next day, when Samit was in the playground and Arti was away, I carefully placed the missing notebook along with the letter right beneath Arti's desk. In the break, I could see her reading the letter covered between the pages of the same notebook. With a triumphant smile, I went home and started rejoicing. My surging hopes came crashing down the very next day. I was shocked to see Arti, Samit and Radhika sitting together and laughing loudly on some joke. It was clear she had taken Samit's word for it rather than going by the 'proof' in her hands.

I tried many such stunts over the years but whatever I did, whatever I said, just didn't work and I tore my hair in frustration as attempt after attempt went down the drain. Growing up from our teens into adulthood, we continued the same stream for our graduation. All this while, not once did my feelings for Arti falter. On the contrary, they only intensified in their purpose seeing her and Samit happy together. 'Why don't they ever fight?' I used to think accompanied by many other thoughts that rose from my undeclared feelings. It was only a matter of time that Arti's father announced his daughter's marriage with Samit as soon as we graduated.

I don't exactly remember how I was feeling that day. Disappointed? Heartbroken? Mere words are too mellow and passé to describe the turmoil that was raging within me. I do remember locking myself in the bathroom and shedding copious tears, trying to come to terms with my fate. But I was still not willing to give up and accept my destiny. How could I? I had never failed any test. I had never asked for anything from God. I had pursued Arti as my dream since the time I didn't even know what love was. So how could I just let someone else take her away from me?