"He's going to do the surgery."
He pulled me beside him and leaned his head against mine.
"I figured, based on your smile." We were quiet for a while, absorbing it all. "I have to tell you something, Billie Marie."
I didn't want him to tell me not to get my hopes up again. I chewed my bottom lip. He turned my face and kissed me, extracting it in the process. I looked into his dark eyes. I wanted to yank all the tubes off him.
"I never thought I would love anyone the way I love you. I want you to know that even if Dr. Reddy is successful, you fixed my heart first."
I wrapped my arms around him. "I love you too, Evan." I let go of all the bravery I'd been holding as I buried my head in his neck.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I spent long hours at the hospital. I met most of the staff. I only left when Evan insisted I go back to the hotel to get some sleep. I bought him a guitar because he'd driven the hospital staff crazy, making requests to go for a run or workout. The most they allowed was for him to walk the grounds. When he wasn't in his room, I knew he was outside. I found him there on a bench. He strummed a few notes with a notebook perched on his lap.
The golden glow of the bright California sun shone around him. The garden was blooming with vibrant flowers of purple, pink and white. Their colors were so vivid, they looked almost too beautiful to be real, and their scent was like sweet nectar. People were going about their business. Nurses wheeled patients in chairs. Others sat outside enjoying the day with their families. Evan was wearing jeans and a vintage Ramones T-shirt. No doubt he insisted on wearing his own clothes outside.
When he looked up at me, I almost wilted under his smile.
"I'm taking a lot of drugs right now, but I swear you look like an angel."
Heat crept into my face from his compliment. "You look pretty saintly yourself."
"That's good, considering I'm having some wicked thoughts about you."
"Whatcha doing?"
"Writing a song."
"About what?"
He looked up, a new nervousness in his expression. "You-or at least the way I feel about you."
"May I hear it?"
He patted the side of the bench, gesturing me to sit. "It's rusty. I'm not a writer like you. I just had a lot of things I needed to get out, and it's the only medium I know."
"Sing me your song, Evan."
"It's your song, angel."
The music started slow. I thought he missed the lead-in because he started the chords over. His deep, raspy voice with its perfect hint of gravel came out clear and strong. He stopped looking at his fingers and stared at me while he sang.
"We had ourselves a little romance
A twist of fate, a turn of chance
We had ourselves a little romance
I could tell you that she loved me but that's not the whole truth
I could tell you that she healed me but that's not quite right
I could tell you that I fell for her and that's a little closer
She made me want to fight
She held my hand and gave me hope
She made me a better man
She didn't just love me
She made me real
She let me borrow her strength
She let me feel
She didn't just love me
She made me real.
We had ourselves an epic romance."
I thought we were the only two people in the word, but the sound of clapping hands alerted me that I wasn't the only one listening. His rubbed his thumb under my eye, wiping away my tear.
"You do more than love me, Billie Marie Price. You make me real."
* * * *
Everyone kept calling to check on Evan's condition. He told his grandmother the truth. I saw a great weight lifted off him with those revelations.
"That was hard, but I feel good," he said when he got off the phone.
"Living in truth lightens the load."
"What are you doing?" Evan asked, gesturing to the blanket on my lap.
"I thought I'd finish the afghan I'm working on."
"That's pretty. I didn't know you could do that."
"Mrs. Garcia taught me. I'm not as good as her."
"I wonder what else there is about you that … "
He didn't finish the sentence, but I caught the deeper meaning. He wondered what else he'd never know. I put down my needles. The blanket was almost finished, so I held it up and wrapped it around us as I lay next to him.
"Baby, this blanket is nice but scratchy as hell. I really have to feel your skin right now."
I flipped it off of us just as the sounds of We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus filled the room-my ringtone for Dillon.
"Hey," I answered.
"Hey kid, how's Evan?"
"He's good."
"Good. Um … have you heard?"
"Heard what?"
"You need to turn on the television. The Gossip Countdown. They're interviewing Preston."
"What? Is that show still on?"
"Actually, it ended a few weeks ago, but this is his first interview."
"I really have no desire to watch."
"There are camera crews at the Lost Souls' Club and Marley's place. Don't freak out. They're not really bothering anyone."
"What? Why?"
"I guess you'll have to watch it to find out. They already played it on the East Coast."
"Fine."
"Either way, tell Evan he won the finale."
I turned to Evan. "Did you bet on Preston's choice?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "I thought it was a pretty sure thing, baby."
"I'll call you back, Dills."
I flipped the TV on and scrolled through the channels until I saw Preston's face.
"Come here," Evan said, patting the bed. I wasn't sure if I was angry yet so I sat on the edge. He pulled me close to him.
The last two girls were as different as night and day. I'd watched a few snippets here and there. The brunette was an actress who seemed to have a really big heart and to be a genuine person. The other woman, a blonde lawyer, was cold as ice and constantly put down the other girls. Knowing Preston, I was rooting for the lawyer. They'd be perfect together.
The voice-over did a synopsis of the show right down to that last moment. We watched Preston let down the actress. She cried.
"She'll be okay. This was the best thing that could have happened to her. I should know."
"I think you're right, baby."
The lawyer was next. Surprisingly, Preston let her down too. She didn't cry.
"I don't understand. He didn't pick either of them?"
"Guess not."
"And that's what you bet on?"
"Let's watch it."
The interviewer sat across from Preston in that subdued, soft light they often used on television.
"So the question America wants to know is why you didn't propose to either woman."
Preston cleared his throat, clasping his hands together. "I couldn't say until now. My confidentiality clause was very specific, but I'm ready to answer America's question. The truth is that I am a big fraud. I entered this show for the fame and advertising, but it wasn't worth what I gave up. What I left behind."
"And what's that?"
"A girl-her name was Billie. She is the most amazing girl and I've never regretted a decision so much in my life."
My jaw dropped so wide I could have fit my fist in my mouth. The camera zoomed in on Preston. "Billie, if you're listening to this, please take me back. I've thought of nothing else but you all these months."
"There's no way he's getting anywhere near you," Evan whispered. "Not on my watch."
I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder. "Not on my watch, either."
He took the remote from me, turning off the television. "You bet that he wouldn't pick either girl?"
"I bet he would realize what a fool he was and pick you-and I was right. The guy's an ass but I feel sorry for him because I know he's gotta be kicking his own ass right now. I get that better than anyone."
Evan brushed his lips against mine. He nibbled on my earlobe and worked his way down my neck.
"Evan, we can't do this."
"When did the nurse come in last?" he asked, punctuating each word with another kiss.
"Ten minutes ago."
"We have a half hour, at least."
"Evan … "
"Lock the door and close the blinds."
"This isn't a good idea."
"I can have sex. We just can't have crazy monkey sex."
"Did you ask?"
He looked up at me, displaying the cocky grin that always weakened my resolve. "May I have sex with you … please?"
"Not me, the doctor."
"I wasn't interested in fucking him."
"Evan!"
"Am I getting denied?" He lifted me against him-an act to show me the reserves of his strength hadn't diminished. "Let me love you, Billie. I need your body. I need to get you off right now. Although I won the bet, I really need to get rid of the image of that dickhead asking for you back."