"Hello, we're still here you know," Billie quipped, but Stevie and Adam totally ignored her. It was as if they were the only people in the world again.
"Where do you want me to go, babe?" Adam asked.
Stevie gestured to the bar area where all of Adam's groomsmen, Rick and Dillon were conversing. Dillon looked awkward and uncomfortable, carrying the decorative white bouquet, but at least Rick was talking to him.
"Great, you get me all hard and then tell me to go stand next to the sausage factory," Adam replied, rolling his eyes.
"Eww, stop it. My innocent ears can't take anymore!" Billie groaned.
"Oh, I know your ears aren't innocent, or anything else," Stevie quipped.
Adam left us. The three of us stared at each other and the tears started flowing again. We wiped them, not our own, but each other's.
Stevie gave me an imploring look. "You know you can't live on your own."
I started again on the speech I'd prepared, "Stevie, I can't stand the fact that you guys feel this guilty that you'd give up your own dreams. I'm an adult and your older sister. You don't have to worry about me."
Billy chimed in, "I agree with Marley."
I turned my eyes to Billie. "And you, young lady, are going to Columbia. Consider yourself kicked out, at least for the school year. You may return on vacations and long weekends if you wish."
"You can't kick me out!" Billie said, trying to feign her Miss Haughty attitude.
"I can and I will. Come on, you know this is your passion. This is what Jo did and what you want to do. Go to New York, be a writer, write a novel about our crazy family, it'll be a bestseller." We all started laughing at that thought.
It was then that my mom found us. Just like when we were kids sharing secrets, she had a tendency to sneak up on us. "Are you girls dishing without me?"
"Mom, I was just telling Stevie that she needs to move out with Adam and Billie needs to go to Columbia."
Mom smiled. "I couldn't agree more. About time one of you moved out. I'm not running a boarding house, you know."
Stevie shook her head. "Mom, you can't do it by yourself."
"I'll take the stronger medicine. I'll figure it out." I was prepared for any arguments she'd offer. I knew it would be difficult for my mother to handle me on her own and I'd have to make some sacrifices for her sake.
My mom put her arm around my shoulder. "You will do no such thing. That medication makes you a zombie, Marley, and I won't have it." She turned and gave both Billie and Stevie a hard look. The one that said ‘I mean business so listen up'. "Do you girls think I can't handle Marley by myself? I can handle her just fine. I toured with the Dead, you know!"
With that, we all laughed and I knew Billie and Stevie felt the relief of the moment too, enough that they would pursue their own lives. It made me feel free somehow, that my chains would not be their chains any longer.
That night I worshipped Rick's body. In actuality, I was trying to memorise it. I wanted to remember every sinewy muscle, the strength of his arms, the heat of his skin and the taste of his mouth. He did the same with me, although I didn't think it was for the same reasons.
Chapter Seventeen
The next morning I awoke as usual with him staring down at me. I ran to the bathroom for my morning ritual. He was already showered and dressed. When I came back to the bedroom, he was sitting on my bed with his head in his hands. "We did what you wanted Marley. Are you ready to talk or are you going to make me keep waiting?"
I decided to let him talk first because maybe after last night he'd come to his senses and end things. I wanted him to. It would be easier for me to get over him that way. I sat next to him. "Talk, I'm listening."
He took my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. "I'm supposed to leave next week. I don't want to. In fact, I don't have to. I can run my business anywhere in the country. I can also look for a position locally so I can be with you every night. It's not because I want to fix you. It's because I don't want to let you go. You're a very difficult person to get to know, but I'm so happy you let me know you. I love you, Marley Reba Mason."
My heart felt like it had filled up and deflated all at once. This was not what I'd expected him to say. How could he love me after the way I'd acted last night?
"Rick, I would never ask you to give up your life for me. I can't live with that."
"Marley, I want you in my life. You don't have to feel guilty. There's nothing for me in New York."
I looked up at him, forcing myself not to cry. I didn't even recognise my own voice. It was strained and cold. "Rick, there's nothing for you here either."
His look told me that was all I needed to say. I might as well have slapped him again. When he spoke next, his voice was strained and cold too. "I see. Thank you for clearing that up for me."
He gathered his things then headed for the door. I sat quietly on the bed, wishing I had some magic words to make him feel better, but there were no words to heal this kind of pain. Before he left, he turned once more to me. "You have a week of vacation time. I don't mind if you take it this week."
"Which would you prefer?" I asked him. I was wondering how this could seem like such a normal conversation after everything.
"I don't fucking care anymore. I'm giving you the option for your benefit, not mine, because that's all we are … benefits."
I spent the rest of the day in bed crying. My only solace was that Stevie was on her honeymoon and couldn't chastise me.
In the end, I went to work because it would be wrong to bail out on Rick. We were cold and cordial to each other. Mostly we avoided each other, which was funny, since we had done this before due to our sexual attraction. We had come full circle. We shared an uncomfortable moment at the last meeting with Henley and Kathy. Rick went over all the results of his implemented plans. He also reiterated his detailed, three-year strategy for our company.
Henley showered him with much deserved praise. Rick had done everything he'd said he would. Our company wasn't out of the woods, but we had a stronger bottom line. More vendors, more orders, more market share and our future looked brighter. He had done it all without firing a single person.
"Rick, if I could afford you full time, I'd hire you in a second. If you ever decide you want to move to Chicago and you don't mind a pay cut, promise me you'll at least give me the chance to make you an offer."
I didn't look at Rick, but I had a feeling he was staring at me. "Thank you, David. It's been a pleasure working with you and getting to know your loyal staff. They are very dedicated and passionate and I'm sorry my time here is ending, but I'm happy to get back to New York."
That night, I heard the sad, melodic sounds of Pale Blue Eyes by The Velvet Underground wafting out from his office before I left. I knew he was playing it for me. It wasn't a plea to change my mind or even an attempt to help him move on. I knew what it was-it was a beautiful goodbye.
* * * *
On Friday, an email invitation was sent to the whole office summoning us to RJ's for Rick's farewell party. There was a new ambiance of excitement at work because it felt like he was giving our company a future. He had fixed us as he'd set out to do. Too bad he couldn't fix everything, no matter how hard he tried.
On his last day, Rick came out of his office with his briefcase and paused next to me. "Are you coming to RJ's tonight?"
I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.
"I didn't think so. I wanted you to know that I recommended they place you in accounting. I told Henley you have a good head for numbers and filtering data. It's not because of anything else. It's only because it's true."
"Thank you," I replied, sincerely. I couldn't believe he'd do that for me after everything.
"Marley, would it be okay if I called you sometime to see how you're doing?"
"I don't think that's a good idea, Rick." I couldn't even look at him, so I stared into my computer monitor. I knew his eyes were on me though.
"I didn't think so. Will you call me if you need something or just want to talk?"
"No."
He let out a sarcastic laugh. "I didn't think so. Take care of yourself, Marley. Apparently you're the only one capable of that job."
With that, he left, out of my life. I sat there silently, as the realisation washed over me. No more secret jokes, no more intense stares, no more elevator rides, no more German chocolate cake, no more holding me, no more late night conversations, no more Rick. At least not for me. I laid my head on my desk as the tears started flowing.
Dillon came and found me then dragged me home.
"We're going to have a break up party, kid. Just you and me."
Dillon's idea of getting over someone was to eat a ton of junk food and listen to sad music. He also suggested we bad-mouth Rick, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Rick was perfect and I was a perfect mess. He had done everything he could, but he couldn't fix me.