It was a whole new experience for me. I’d feel too guilty in my office to talk to her at work and by the time I got home and started boosting myself back up, the desire for her came back which led to a fresh feeling of shame.
At night, I’d replay it in my head. I’d dream about not stopping—about taking her right there on the desk.
Some mornings, I’d wake up and jerk off to the imagined sound of her coming. But every now and then, the dreams would take a darker turn—becoming a nightmare that renewed my effort to stay away from her.
After the sun went down on Friday night, I did something I hadn’t done in quite a while. I went into my library and bypassed all the books, heading straight to the cache of whiskey I had tucked away for a rainy day.
I was searching for a tumbler when the buzzer rang. It was a common occurrence considering how often I ordered out, but I already ate. Curious, I left the whiskey behind and walked to my living room just as the noise rang out again.
“Yes?”
“There’s a visitor for you, Mr. Wolfe.”
My finger hovered over the button as my eyes narrowed.
“Is it a young guy with blonde hair?” I asked, referring to my nephew. “Get rid of him.”
I’d already dismissed both my nephew and the doorman and turned to walk away when the box crackled to life again.
“No, sir. It’s a woman. She says her name is Mallory Jones.”
Of all the people in the world, she was the one I least expected to show up at my door. The memory of pointing out my building to her as we rode by popped into my head. I guess she had enough of my self-flagellation.
“Mr. Wolfe?”
“Send her up.”
I combed my fingers through my hair as I went to the door and opened it, stepping out in the hallway and waiting for the elevator doors to slide open.
When they finally did, I felt my pulse jump. She looked like a damn angel—exactly like she did on our first date.
“What are you doing here?” I forced out, clearing my throat in a vain attempt to mask the breathlessness of my tone.
“You didn’t give me much of a choice,” she said with a half-shrug as she slowly approached. “We need to talk. Can I come in?”
She gestured at my open door and I nodded, shoving it open and inhaling deeply as she brushed by. The scent of her hair made my blood rush south.
Once the door clicked shut, she spun around and blurted, “I’m sorry for just showing up like this. I didn’t know what else to do and I didn’t want to corner you at work.”
“Why didn’t you call?”
“Would you have answered?”
“Probably not,” I admitted with a heavy sigh. “But not for the reason you probably think.”
Her eyebrows raised and a wry smile pulled at her lips. “No? So you aren’t avoiding me out of guilt for nearly having sex with me in your office?”
I blinked multiple times before I finally choked out, “Well, yes. But you say it like it’s a bad thing.”
“It is because you have no reason to feel guilty, Brian.”
“Yes, I do,” I said as I shook my head, stepping back when it looked like she was going to come closer. “You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me. Don’t I at least deserve that?”
“Mallory, you deserve everything,” I whispered before hanging my head and laughing humorlessly. “I completely lost control. You saw it. That’s never happened to me before. All I could think about was fucking you and I almost did.”
“You seem to keep forgetting that I didn’t stop you. You told me to tell you to stop and I didn’t. I wanted you. I still do.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
Mallory’s fingers touched my chin and I tilted my head up, staring down into her eyes as she studied me with a frown. After a long moment, she shook her head and withdrew her hand.
“There’s something else. Something you’re not telling me.”
“You have no idea just how far gone I was, Mallory. And I’ve been... I’ve been having nightmares where I didn’t regain control. Ones where you did ask me to stop and... I didn’t.”
Her eyes softened after my confession and I felt rather than saw her hand seek out mine. I glanced down in surprise at our intertwined fingers then back up just in time to see her smile.
“Do you care about me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then if I had asked you to stop, you would have.”
There was no doubt in her voice and her smile merely grew while I stared at her in confusion. She seemed so damn sure of her assessment that it finally started to seep into my brain.
I wasn’t the man in my nightmares and no matter how lost on her I got, the fact remained that I had stopped myself. I didn’t even need her to push me away.