The next thing that happened was one of his hands left my hair and curled around my waist. I could feel his palm flatten out on the small of my back just before he jerked forward and pulled my body against his. I teetered on my heels and a surge of adrenaline rushed through me, turning into a white-hot jolt of lust when I realized he wasn’t going to let me fall. Not when there was a wall of solid muscle pressed up against me.
I moaned at the feel of his body and he used the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth, caressing mine with a finesse I didn’t expect. I’d never been a fan of it before, but Brian clearly had more experience with doing things right than anyone I had ever kissed.
In the back of my mind, I heard a whisper that he’d surely know how to do other things right as well. That was the thought that led to me clutching at his shoulders and digging my nails in.
Brian broke the kiss and buried his face against my shoulder, letting out a low growl while he kissed up my neck until he reached my jaw. I moaned low in my throat as he nipped at me with his lips, on the verge of saying to hell with it all and inviting him upstairs to see what else he could show me.
“Look at them.”
“Get a room!”
“Oh my God, you didn’t!”
The chatter of a group of passing teenagers broke the spell. Brian went tense as my eyes popped open and I felt rather than heard his sigh of disappointment just before I pulled away.
“I... Thank you,” I said shakily, running my hands over my hair in an attempt to force it back into place. “For the date. And the kiss.”
He nodded and stepped back to his previous position, one foot on the sidewalk and the other on the step. An obvious sign that he was willing to either stay or go.
When I looked into his eyes, I could see his desperation to stay. But deep down, a part of me was grateful for the random pedestrians. No matter how good the kiss was, some part of me still wasn’t ready. At least not tonight.
“I’d really like that second date if you’re still interested,” I whispered.
Brian gave me a small smile as he said, “I’m very interested.”
I returned the smile and gave him a small nod before I began to turn away, but froze to the spot when he reached out and grabbed my hand. I swallowed hard as I looked at him, already dreading where this was going.
“But I’d also like to continue this one. If you’re interested.”
This wasn’t exactly a first date conversation. In college, most guys already knew, so I never had to have it at all. Very few stuck around long enough to get the explanation of why I wanted to wait, and those that did usually took off immediately after.
I really didn’t want to lose my chance with Brian because of it.
“It’s not that I’m not interested, it’s just... I don’t want to move too fast, you know?”
“I know,” he said with a solemn tone that made my stomach flutter with nerves. As he stared me dead in the eye, he repeated, “Mallory, I know.”
It clicked instantly and I tugged my hand away, more embarrassed than I had ever been before. I tried to escape up the steps, but Brian was hot on my heels, meeting me at the landing and stopping me before I got a chance to dig out my keys.
“I’m not pushing you,” he said when he noticed the panicked look in my eyes. “I would never push you. I just—I need to know why.”
“I can’t believe he told you,” I muttered miserably, glaring hard at the top of his shoes and willing myself not to tear up.
“Forget what he told me. I want to hear it from you. I want the truth. Are you saving yourself for marriage?”
“No. Not marriage.”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
“Love,” I snapped defiantly, looking up to stare at his chin as I explained, “I’m not looking for my soulmate or a husband or anything like that. I just don’t have any desire to be with someone that I don’t deeply care about and who feels the same way in return. Everyone’s always going on and on about how important sex is in a relationship—and I know that it is—but that’s not all relationships are. I want the whole thing. The complete experience. I want love and there is nothing wrong with me because of that.”
After I finished my tirade, I dared to look up at his eyes. To my great surprise, he had cocked an eyebrow and was staring at me with the smallest smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
He looked adorably handsome and despite everything—all I wanted in that moment was for him to kiss me again. But the possibility that he might walk away remained and I was frozen while I waited for the inevitable let down.
“I understand,” he finally said with a nod, though I wasn’t sure if it was directed at me or himself. “Thank you for being honest with me.”