I said okay, now thinking it had to do with Connie. Perhaps a confession that he still felt loyal to her. That he could move his wedding ring to his right hand but could not take it off altogether. He could kiss me, maybe even one day make love to me, but that he wasn’t ready for a full commitment because he would always love her the most. My mind raced with other possibilities, all related to Mrs. Carr, until he said, “Stop worrying, honey.”
Then he wrapped my hand in his, brought it to his face, and tenderly kissed it. I felt myself melting, my vision blurring, my ears ringing, until everything froze and shattered with the sound of Lucy’s voice behind us.
“Hi,” she said as Coach and I both jumped, then turned to look over our shoulders, in tandem.
“Hi,” I said, realizing that he was still holding my hand. I pulled it away. A clumsy, delayed reaction.
“Why did you just kiss Shea?” she said, her voice so sweet and innocent that she reminded me of Cindy Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
“I didn’t,” Coach stammered.
“Yes, you did.”
“I kissed her hand. Not her.”
“Well, why did you kiss her hand?” Lucy said as Neil appeared next to her. She turned to him, crossed her arms, and announced, “Dad just kissed Shea.”
No one spoke or moved for several seconds, until Lucy circled around the sofa and sat on a chair across from us, the tree to her back. Neil joined her, sitting at her feet, looking completely discombobulated. I waited in agony, could feel my cheeks burning, sweat dripping down my sides.
“Is something going on between you two?” Lucy finally asked. She still didn’t sound angry, but she was becoming less bewildered, more stern.
Neither of us replied, which was louder and clearer than any answer we could have given her.
“Oh. My. God,” Lucy said, looking at me, then her father, then me again.
I decided I had to speak since her gaze was now fixed on me.
“It’s not like … that,” I said, although it was exactly like that. I reminded myself not to lie to my best friend. Not to make it worse than it already was.
“What is it, then? What is it like?”
Coach said, “Luce. We’re close friends. You know that.”
“I have never been kissed like that by a close friend. That’s how Neil kisses me.”
Coach cleared his throat. “It was only her hand.”
“Okay … well, have you actually kissed her, then?” Lucy asked with laser focus.
I looked at Coach, grateful that she was posing the questions to him, and I said a dreadful little prayer that he would lie, just a bit. But, once again, his silence spoke volumes about the truth.
“Oh, God, Neil,” she said, looking at her husband. “They’ve kissed.”
“Just once,” I said. “I swear.”
“When?”
“A few days ago,” Coach said.
“Where?”
“In my office,” he replied.
Lucy stared at the ceiling, then dropped her head in her hands, her voice coming back muffled. “I can’t … I can’t handle this. I can’t …”
When she uncovered her face, she looked pleadingly at Neil and mumbled something I couldn’t make out. Something like Find out what’s going on.
Neil gave us a helpless, devastated look, then said, “So you two … you have feelings for each other?”
Silence.
“Look. I think it’s best if you tell us the truth … And then we’ll handle it from there. Just tell Lucy the truth,” Neil said.
I heard Coach inhale just as I did, but while I held my breath, he exhaled and said, “Yes. I have feelings for her.”
“As more than a friend?” Neil said, as I thought that he had never seemed quite this strong, in control. Not even through his mother-in-law’s death—and he’d been great then.
“Yes,” Coach said. “I really care about her.”
“And you, Shea?” Neil asked, turning to me.
I said yes, but my voice came out in a whisper.
“What?” Lucy said.
“Yes,” I repeated, more audibly.
Neil nodded, accepting the facts, then turned to Lucy, as if to ask her what else she wanted to know.
“When?” she fired off, her cheeks now as red as mine felt. “When did you start feeling this way?”
“Not before …” I said, my voice trailing off.
“Not before what?” Lucy said. “Not before Mom died? Good God, I should hope not. Or else … or else …”
She didn’t finish her sentence, thank goodness, but I imagined that she was thinking Or else you’re both going to Hell.
“Luce,” I said. “This is all really new.”