I throw a piece of kiwi at him which he catches in his kissable mouth - of course he does. He was bloody perfect.
I could hear the thundering clap of the rapids as we neared the clearing, that our guide swore to us housed the most beautiful waterfall in the Maldives. It had taken us a 15minute speedboat ride to another island, but already I sensed it was worth the journey. Sebastian had paid the little man to ensure that we would have the place to ourselves for the afternoon and we are left to explore - alone. Excited, I run on ahead.
I feel a little like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when she came out of the black and white world and into full glorified Technicolor. It was absolutely beautiful, magical.
I spin, walking backwards to see what is keeping him and I can see he is battling with the large picnic basket. “Come on slow coach!” I bellow cheekily.
“You’re so going to pay for that, lady - there’s nothing slow about all this…” His free hand showcases his body, a huge grin on his sun-kissed face. “Why do you think they call me Quicksilver at school?”
I roll my eyes, hands on hips. “Come on you’re dying to tell me - why?”
‘For my lightening quick speed of course in the running team, footie team, cross country, rugby…”
“Ok, Ok I get it you, were amazing.”
“No, baby, no past tense about it - I am amazing.” He winks as he passes me, and puts the picnic box under the shaded area near a tree. Problem was, he was right - he was bloody fantastic!
“That was the reason for my nickname in first school. Once I hit secondary school, name held a totally different meaning.”
I raise my brows in question.
“No one was faster than Quicksilver at getting into a girl’s pants.” He shrugs his shoulders without apology. “I passed the name down to Nathan and we will for generation of Silver’s to come.”
I throw my baseball cap at him, which he catches deftly. “See lightning quicksilver reaction.” His big laugh echoes through the privacy of our haven and I smile. I was too busy considering the words that came before his last… ‘for generations of Silver’s to come’, I liked the sound of that.
“So you see yourself having a big family then? Two, three, maybe four - football team?” I squint, smiling openly, as the sun shines down through the trees and I step towards him, my arms encircle his waist. Sensing his sudden coldness, I look up into those sexy brown eyes, usually so full of mirth when we tease one another, but right now they’ve gone vacant.
“I’m not sure about kids, to be honest, Lu?”
I get the same feeling, I had yesterday on the beach wash over me, a feeling of bad news imminent and I step back to compose myself. Where does that leave Finn? Where does that leave us? We’d never really talked about kids together, even as friends. I’d just expected he’d want them.
“How so?”
“Finn is a superstar - I love that little dude - you know that and what you and I have is special - seriously good, Lu and I respect that you and he come as a package but more children?…” He shakes his head, rubbing a hand over it, his tell when his is majorly stressed.
Crap! I take a deep breath to calm myself, this doesn’t mean anything, I mean we’re just early days anyway - why are you rushing things?
Please don’t say what I think you’re going to. Please….
“…I honestly don’t think that’s in the cards for me. I mean, I can’t see myself having a child, not with anyone, not just with you. Finn is enough, I just hope he is for you?”
“But why?”
“Do you want more?”
It comes out as a throwaway comment and immediately irks me. “I don’t know - I suppose I never really thought about it until now, but…” Yes, with you I would. A girl with your eyes and your smile. “…I’d like to have the option.”
“I’m sorry, I should never have brought it up. It was a turn of phrase and just slipped out. I’d just rather leave kids to Nathan - he can provide extra grand-babies for my parents. Finn will always be number 1 if we take this to the next level?”
If? I thought we were? I’ve got complete headfuck.
We’d had an amazing night last night and today had been wonderful but this revelation had floored me. Who’d have thought? Seb had always been so amazing with children. We’d been friends for over a decade and how had this conversation never come up? Because the outcome wouldn’t have really affected you would it? You were never romantically inclined until recently.
There was always a catch in any relationship - always something that wasn’t quite perfect and if this was it, I had to just deal with it. I love him and in every other way he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, apart from my son. I can’t let my disappointment at potentially not having more children, or a child with him create a dampener on our last day in paradise. I wasn’t like we were going to consider getting pregnant anytime soon - it was far too early and Jeez until this afternoon I’d never considered having his baby - now all I can think about is that famous 1980’s black and white Athena poster, l’enfant, with Sebastian as the male model, stripped naked to the waist, in battered jeans, looking down in adoration on a beautiful baby with his eyes - our baby. Perhaps he’d change his mind in time as our relationship developed?