The One Addicted(137)

“Yes, I did say that didn’t I.” My teeth grind down at my stupidity.

She nods weakly in her hospital bed and I’m reminded that she’s just had major surgery.

“Baby, let’s talk about this later - you need to rest…”

“I want to talk about this now.”

I bite my lip and nod, I owed her this. “Ok, but not long.” I take a seat again, her hand in mine. “This place gives me the creeps, Lu. Its nearly 4 years to the day that Finn was born and I nearly lost you then too!”

Green eyes search mine, questioning, surprised by my admission. “We weren’t together then.”

“I know, but you nearly dying in childbirth made me do some hard thinking. I swore to myself that if you and Niall ever broke up and you and I ever had a chance at making a go of things I’d never put you in that position again. I’d never be that selfish. I meant what I said - I didn’t want kids - what I didn’t tell you was that if I couldn’t have them with you, I didn’t want them and I’m not prepared to sacrifice you to become a father.” I lean into her and her hand rests along my jawline.

“You can’t control everything, Sebastian. Sometimes you have to let life just… happen.”

“I know. I just couldn’t risk losing you, after finally finding the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I told you I didn’t want children it was to protect you, not because I didn’t want them with you!”

“You were willing to forgo trying for a child to avoid the risk of me going through the birth I experienced with Finn?”

I sigh, now she spoke the words it all sounded rather OTT. “Yes, but you weren’t there, Lu, last time - well you were, but you were under anaesthetic - it was frightening - we all were.”

“I love that you want to protect me and a future pregnancy would be a risk I agree, but we’d need to talk about it together, when the time is right- find out all our options - not just rule it out because you have a fear of what may be - we can’t live like that - I can’t live like that.”

“I agree.”

“You do?”

“Yes.” I whisper.

“Right now - I need to grieve the loss of this baby but I don’t want to do that without you.”

Thank fuck for that. My shoulders drop a good few inches at her words, the immense relief is gratifying and I know in that moment that we’ll get through this together.

“I was pregnant in The Maldives but even I didn’t know then.”

“I figured as much. I’m presuming that the morning after pill wasn’t much cop?”

“No.” A glimmer of a smile plays at her lips and I jump on it.

“Baby, you’re strong and we’ll get through this. I’m devastated for you, for us, but I’m here for you.”

“I’m so sorry - I was on my way to tell you when I crashed.”

“That was your news…”

She nods.

“When did you find out?”

“In Dubai.”

I rake my hand over my head in annoyance - not at my beautiful woman - at myself and my boorish behaviour - I’d pushed her away, with my stupid controlling ways, so that she didn’t feel she could confide in me when she needed to most - that wasn’t what I wanted for us in our future. “You don’t need to apologise - I’m the one that needs to apologise. I’m so sorry for putting you in an impossible situation, for leaving you to deal with this on your own. God, Lu…” my voice breaks and throat burns.

She holds her arms out to me and I squeeze myself onto the small bed, placing my arms around her and folding her body back against me, the wires and leads wrapped across us. This was good - as long as she was in my arms we could face anything; together.

“I love you, Lu - my beautiful, lady.”

“I love you too, Sebastian - you were my last thought before I crashed.”

“You are my only thought from the minute I wake. No one else is worth my time.” I lean to kiss her lips - careful not to crush the blood pressure monitor attached to her arm.

“Who did this to me?”

“They don’t know yet, you were the only car at the scene. Although there are a couple of witnesses that corroborate your story.”

Holding her hand in mine, so small and vulnerable, I rub my thumb gently across the back of it. She was so cold. Her eyes are filled with tears and I reach out to catch one, cupping her cheek, my heart is gripped tightly, and she leans into me. “Oh, baby - it’s Ok. We’ll find out who did this, I swear to you - I’ll make it my fucking mission and they’ll pay.”

I slip off the bed carefully, to stretch my legs and wander over to the window. Lu’s room looks out on to a small garden to the rear of the hospital, there’s a bench and a few potted plants but it was too dark to see anything clearly other than the reflection of myself and my girl lying broken in her hospital bed. I glance back in her direction and am suddenly struck by her strength as she rests, so petite within the sterile surroundings. My, lady Lu - I never want to be without her again. This whole nightmare had made me realise the force of my feelings for her. I knew I was in love with her but the thought of potentially losing her after we’d come so far and had a chance at something real - a future with her and Finn - had crucified me and in that instant, I know I can’t live without her.