I roll my lips to control my breathing and stop the overwhelming gush of emotions filling me at that second. “Very.”
“Well congratulations. I’ll send a report to your GP and you can clean up now. Would you like a picture?”
“Yes please.”
I dress hastily but in a daze. It was already real but after the first scan had shown nothing, I’d convinced myself it was all in my head. Nope - you’re pregnant. Preggers. Up the duff. In the pudding Club. Knocked up. Up the spout. With child. Expecting…
My head reels until I consider the one idiom that makes me calm and warm inside - I’m ‘going to be a mum again’ - yeah, I like that one. Another little Finn or Finnetta - either would do. I didn’t think I’d have another child - I suppose I never really considered it, after splitting with Niall. Holy shit - everything is going to change.
Walking down the corridor, I’d wandered up less than hour before, nervous and expectant, now just as nervous, yet at least I’m informed. I hold the scan picture in my hands; there was no point putting it off any longer, I had to tell Seb.
I grab my phone and first text Seb.
Are you free tonight? We need to talk.
I’ll get a sitter. Let’s make a date of it. Xx
His reply is almost instant.
TFFT. I thought you’d gone AWOL. I was worried.
Crap, he wasn’t happy, there was no kiss. I check the side of my phone and remember that it is still on silent from the hospital and see it is, and then notice the many many messages from him. Call me! Evytg OK? See you 2nite? I also see an email from Jackie alerting me to several missed calls in the office from Sebastian, Suzie, Carolyn Walters and a supplier I used for soft furnishings. Sebastian is my priority right now.
I’m fine just knocked phone to silent. U up for a date?
S’all good. I’ve got just the place.
Will pick u up at 6.30. Wear a dress. Missed u x
I smile at his response, of course he would arrange where we were going, ever the controller, then again everything was about to change between us tonight and after the snippets of conversations we’d ever had about our future and kids, namely in the Maldives, I’m not sure how he would take the news. To be blunt - I am shitting myself. Control is fast slipping away so I’m happy to allow him this last piece of the power pie.
I text Suzie next, to return her call and see if she’ll babysit for Finn. She agrees to come to mine for 6pm. Right, all I have to do now is get ready - what does one wear when they’re informing their very early-days boyfriend that they are about to become a father?
“Hey you.”
“Hey you, yourself.” Sebastian enters and regardless of Suzie standing behind us, he steps into my body, and frames my face with both hands, gently forcing me to face him, look at him, before lowering his head in a sweet hello kiss that makes me forget my surroundings and stand on my tiptoes. “I missed these lips. I missed this nose, these eyes.”
“I missed you too.”
“Is Finn in bed?”
“He is - just gone.”
I see the look of disappointment cross his eyes and am filled with a sense of happiness that he wants to see him so much. Surely if he feels like this about Finn, he could love another - his own biological child?
“I missed you too, Seb.” Suzie interrupts my thoughts giggling from the steps, her impressive 5month bump unmistakable.
“Hey, Suze. Wow, look at you, Mama - how you doing?”
“Everything’s fine. We had our baby scan yesterday, in fact G saw Lu there - anyway it was the big halfway scan and it went well. Gino cried of course.”
Seb looks across at me for a second and then laughs at Suzie. “Big G is so excited about the baby!”
“He is that. He’s driving me potty Seb. He definitely needs a boy’s night out soon - some male bonding time. I think he’s more hormonal than I am!”
“No probs - tell him I’ll ring him this week and we’ll go for a beer. I’ll rope Nathan in too.”
“Fabby. You look very well. Was the holiday out of this world?”
“It was perfect - rather like your sister here.”
My eyes flick back to his and the heat I see there makes my body tingle. How am I going to get through tonight when all I want to do is jump him?
“Alright, you two sizzlers. Off you go and be… alone.” She pats her belly and pouts. “It’s official I’ve become a big fat gooseberry.”
I kiss her cheek. “I won’t be late. Thanks for sitting.”
“Not a problem - you kids go have some fun. “ Her wink makes me smile and we leave.
Right, it was now or never.
The drive to our location, which Sebastian will not divulge as it was a surprise, was difficult and eerily quiet - it was my fault completely and I was aware for the entire journey that Sebastian was uncertain of my behaviour. Sort yourself out Lu, before you fuck this up!