My eyes narrow; of course they did Seb. Don’t they always with you.
He continues, despite my obvious contempt. “That’s all it was and as they stayed over in the same hotel, each time they were in Dubai, we kind of became…
“Fuck buddies!” I throw out, finishing his sentence for him, instantly wishing I’d kept silent.
“Actually I was going to say mates who have sex once in a while.” His eyes bore into mine.
“Rather like you and me then?”
He watches me carefully and moistens his lips, his jaw tense. “Don’t compare what you and I have, to this, Lu.”
“Why not? We were monogamous whilst we were together, wasn’t that what you said? – mates who shag.”
The bitterness in my voice is not attractive and I’m fast falling into the black ugly hole of no return. I need to get out of there before I become the jealous bitch that only seems to raise her head where he is concerned. Seb stands to pace, removing his jacket in the process, and laying it on a nearby chair, stopping to face the door.
Oh no, don’t get comfy - Just open it and go. Leave... Please.
But he looks at me, considering my face and adds. “Over the months, we kind of became more mates than anything else. Her crew would mix with my crew and we’d have a laugh and parties – it was something to do after working hard in a foreign country, with fellow Brits. Then her flight schedule changed slightly and I was busy with the finishing touches of the project. We kinda drifted. We really were never a couple, Lu. We just hooked up when we were in the same place.”
He rubs his head again. “She stayed over in Dubai, a week before I came home to the UK and we had a drunken night together – the first in a long-time. It was never my intention to let it get that far, as I didn’t want to lead her on - if I’m honest I’d grown bored of her…”
I raise my eyebrows at this. He grows bored of every woman after a few minutes - me included.
“… but the next morning, she’d gone to the airport early and I awoke to a note, saying, ‘One of these days I’ll have to take you up on your offer’ I didn’t have a clue what she meant, so I just ignored it. We never called each other; I mean she texted me a few times but that was it, so I never heard from her again, until...”
“Sunday.” I conclude for him quietly.
“Sunday,” he repeats with a light smile.
He slides down the bed until his outstretched legs rest daringly close to mine and moves to take my hand in his but I withdraw and watch as his face crumples. “I promise, Lu – when I came home and you and I started things, I was single. I am single.”
I continue to bite my lip. His story is definitely compelling and he could win an Oscar for the way he’d enacted it. God I so want to believe him but why had he let me leave?
“Why didn’t you fight for us that morning?” My voice is a whisper and I swallow hard, desperate to hear his answer but pained that it will devastate me.
“Honestly? I didn’t know what to say. The woman was there, with suitcases, kissing me and calling herself, my girlfriend and all I could see, was you crumbling at my supposed indiscretion and I couldn’t fucking blame you. I deserved to be walked out on.”
“But if you didn’t do it?” I’m aware I don’t sound convinced.
“After the shit with Toni, only the night before - now Ray - I just thought you deserved better. It all happened so fast and your history with Niall, that cheating ex-bastard, I felt lousy - you deserved better than me - you still deserve better than me.”
Now that got my goat. The anger bubbles and threatens to boil over again.
“What the fuck? I do deserve better, but surely it’s up to me to decide that, not you for once? You should have defended me, introduced me, given us a chance. Now it’s too late. Now we’re done!”
He bows his head, with no forthcoming answer, so I brave myself and continue desperate to say the words I’ve felt within me the past few days.
“I thought I had something with you. You were my best-friend, Sebastian – I… loved you.” The emotion is thick and clouding the room, my judgment and hot cloudy liquid fills my vision. Oh God don’t cry girl. “I can’t do this, Sebastian. I thought I could…. it’s over. Well it never really began did it? But thank fuck we never got serious eh?” I make to stand, a single tear trickles down my cheek and in that instant he’s at my side.
“I was your best-friend?” He moves and catches the tear before it reaches my chin and I shiver at his touch. “You loved me?”