“I take it you aren’t happy about the circumstances?”
How I can I not be happy about the thought of carry the baby of the man I love. A mini Sebastian. “Honestly. I’m not sure.”
“Have you had any other symptoms?”
“I’ve gone off my food and a little nausea - oh and I’ve felt a bit dizzy. I didn’t have that with my son.”
She nods again and takes my blood pressure, and confirms my endometriosis and previous pregnancy and then hands me a urine sample bottle and asks me to nip to the ladies and pee in the bottle, then bring it back and she’ll test it in her office, before sending it off to the lab for further testing. I excuse myself and head off in search of the loos.
After fifteen minutes and much tap running I’m back with the GP.
“Why is that you can always pee when you don’t want to but when you’re asked to pee on demand its virtually impossible?”
Dr. Graham ignores my nervous banter and dips a stick into my sample bottle, extracting it and holding it up to read the results. “Right, well that confirms it Lucia, you are definitely pregnant we just need to decipher how far along you are and with your cycles that may be rather difficult. Congratulations.”
I hear the rush of breath come from my mouth as she confirms what I already knew in my heart. I am 100% pregnant. As she pats my hand I chew my lip in thought. “Bit of a shock is it?”
“Something like that. I took the morning after pill but it must not have worked. Will the baby be ok?”
“Look, let’s try work out some dates for you and then I’ll send you for some blood tests. I think you may be a little anaemic from what you’ve told me about the dizzy spells. When was your last period?”
“Early July.”
“Ok, so based on that I make you about 7 weeks pregnant.” She points to the calendar on the wall and with her pen points between a five day window, “We’ll need to get a more scientific test done with a scan, but I think you’d have been ovulating around about these dates.”
“Yes.”
“Thereabouts anyhow. Do you remember the occasion - was it an anniversary or special occasion?”
“A special occasion.”
The best night of my life - the first time I slept with my best-friend.
The first time Sebastian made love to me.
The first time I’d ever been so irresponsible.
“Like I said, I used the morning after pill, Levonelle within the directed 72 hour window and I wasn’t sick; I felt dreadful but I managed to keep it down.”
“You were probably already pregnant and by the time you took the pill it was too late. How long was it after unprotected sex that you took the Levonelle?
“About 48 hours? But I thought I had 72 hours?”
“Really - the sooner you can take it after you’ve had unprotected sex the better - its only 58% proof if taken after 49 hours and 85% if taken within 25-48 hours.”
Crap!
“So should I go have some blood tests now?”
She hands me a completed blood form and directs me to the practice nurse who runs a drop in centre that closes in 20 mins. “Get these done and then I’ll text you if I need to see you again. You need to go away and have a think how you feel about things in the mean time and I’ll book you in for a dating scan. It could be a little early but we’ll try anyway, especially with your history. The hospital will ring you with an appointment over the next few days.”
Wow that’s quick. It’s all way too fast.
“Lucia, are you sure you’re OK?”
“Not really no - sorry I just need some time to process things. I’ve been away in The Maldives and Dubai recently and whilst the trip was fabulous, I’m shattered.”
“You will be, it’s the first trimester after all. You didn’t have injections to go to The Maldives did you?”
I shake my head. “No. I was fortunate. I’d already had them the year before for South Africa and the nurse said that they lasted 3 years.”
“Good.”
“I have been drinking alcohol though, not excessive amounts admittedly, but enough. Will the baby be OK?”
“Lucia - there are young ladies who come in to see me regularly who have been drinking for months before they find out that they are unknowingly pregnant and they go on to have perfectly healthy babies - providing you stop any form of alcohol from now on, I’m sure things will be fine but the Ultrasound will tell us more and then we’ll talk further, if you need to. OK?”
“Ok. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome, Lucia. You know where I am.”
I stand on wobbly legs and head towards the door, my fingers on the handle for what seems an age - the minute I open this door that’s it, I’ll be walking through it as a pregnant woman. Everything has changed.