“You have that, all of it.”
“It wasisa fantasy. I got caught up in it, let myself believe it was real, but”
“So what, you’ll pack up, take off, sell this place, dump the dog?”
The fact stood clear, she thought again. “Sometimes people have roots so corrupted, they shouldn’t try to plant them.”
“That’s bullshit, and it’s weak. If you want to feel sorry for yourself, I’ll give you a pass, but that’s weak. You’ve got better than that, baby.”
“You don’t know what I’ve got, baby.”
“Hell I don’t, and because I do, I know you’re not going to let some son of a bitch send you running.”
He put the palms of his hands on her desk and leaned toward her. “I know what I’ve got, and I’m damned if I’ll let you run. You’ve got what you need right here, and you’re going to stick.”
She surged to her feet. “Don’t tell me what I’m going to do.”
“I’m telling you. You’re going to stick because what you want, what you need is right here. What makes you happy is right here. You need me, and I make you happy. And I fucking well need you, so you’ll stick.”
“It’s my life, my choice.”
“Screw that. You want to try to run, I’ll just bring you back.”
“Stop telling me what to do. Stop yelling at me.”
“You started it. Maybe you haven’t worked it through your system, pulled it free from the I’ve-got-bad-blood excuses you fall back on, but you’ve got feelings for me.”
“How can you say things like that? How can you minimize this?”
“Because you overinflate it, so it’s easy to stick a damn pin in it. Because I’ve got feelings for you. I’m in fucking love with you, so you’re going to stick. And that’s it.”
She took one stumbling step back, went pale.
Xander rolled his eyes. “Cut that out and breathe. Yell back. You don’t panic when you’re pissed. And maybe I’d have done that with more class if I weren’t pissed right back at you.”
Or maybe not, he thought, but either way.
“Sunlight in your hair. Morning light. You’re standing there, working on a piece of plywood, sunlight all over you, and I feel like someone kicked me off a damn cliff. So you’re not going anywhere, just check that off the list.”
“It can’t work.”
“You should try to balance out that Pollyanna attitude of yours, season it with some cynicism. It has been working,” he added. “For both of us. I know what the hell works and what doesn’t. We work, Naomi.”
“That was before . . .” When his eyebrows lifted, she dragged a hand through her hair, tried to find level ground again. “Can’t you see what’s going to happen? I pray, and I’ll keep praying Mason’s right. They’ll find him, they’ll stop him. And I’ll hope with all I have they do that before he kills again. But when they do find him, it’ll all fall apart again. Me, my father, whoever this maniac is, all tied together. And the press”
“Oh, fuck the press. You’ll stand up to it.”
“You have no idea what it’s like.”
“You’ll stand up to it,” he repeated, without a hint of doubt. “And you won’t be alone. You’ll never have to be alone again. You can count on me.”
“Oh God, Xander.”
When he crossed to her, she tried to back away, shook her head, but he simply grabbed her, pulled her in. “You can count on me. And you’re damn well going to.”
He tipped her head back, kissed her more gently than he ever had. “I love you.” Kissed her again, drew her in, just held. “Get used to it.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible.”
“You don’t know until you try. We’re not going anywhere, Naomi.”
She felt herself breathe in, breathe out. “I’ll try.”
“That’ll do.”
BALANCE
Still to ourselves in every place consigned,
Our own felicity we make or find.
SAMUEL JOHNSON
Twenty-six
It felt like an interrogation. She knew bettershe knewbut when Mason came into her studio in the morning, set up a folding chair, and sat, he turned the sanctuary into an interrogation room.
“You didn’t sleep well,” he said.
“No, not very well. Neither did you.”
“Well enough, just not very long. I worked late.”
“You didn’t come down for breakfast.”
“Because it’s at dawn.” He smiled a little. “I grabbed a bagel, had coffee, talked to the tile guys. The room you’ve earmarked for the uncles is really coming along. They’re going to love it.”