"Yes." Absently Julie tugged at a loose thread in her uniform. "I wasn't wholly truthful with you about Travis and me."
"I'd wondered," Leonora said mildly.
"Until I met him, I'd only slept with one other man, back in my college days. My parents' marriage is a disaster, and I'd long ago decided marriage and commitment weren't for me." Warm color crept up her cheeks. "And then I met Travis, and I just about dragged him into my bed. Not that he was unwilling," she added hastily.
"I'm sure he wasn't."
"We have these huge fights all the time. We spent last weekend together and it was wonderful and then on Wednesday I found out I was pregnant."
For the first time, Leonora was taken aback. "Julie … "
"Travis dropped in to see me at my office this morning. I have this awful morning sickness and he guessed right away. He insists we're to get married immediately. Leonora, I can't marry him! We don't love each other."
"If you don't marry him, what will you do?"
"Have the baby. Find a job somewhere in the States and settle down."
"On your own."
Julie raised her chin. "What's wrong with that?"
"And where does the baby's father fit into this picture?"
"I don't know! I guess he'd visit sometimes."
"Julie, I've only seen Travis as an adult that one evening here in my apartment, but I can't imagine he'd be satisfied with so peripheral a role. He would at least demand joint custody."
"But-"
"You'd be tied to him for the next seventeen or eighteen years. Why not marry him? There's obviously something very powerful between you."
"Sex," Julie said in an unfriendly voice.
"I'd call it passion."
"I thought you'd be on my side!"
"This is my grandchild, Julie-or had you forgotten that?"
She had. Julie buried her head in her hands. "Ever since I met Travis, I haven't been able to think straight," she wailed. "I had my life under control. Lots of adventure and travel, work I love, and no ties. I wish I'd never met him!"
"But you have," Leonora said reasonably. "Travis was abandoned as a child. Do you seriously think he'll abandon his own child?"
"Then what am I to do?"
"Marry him. I'm not saying you'll have a peaceful, uneventful life, you're both too strong-minded for that. Too independent. However, if you're willing, I think you might find love with Travis. But only if you're willing, Julie."
Julie bit her lip. She'd come running to Leonora for sympathy and for comfort. But Leonora's standards were far too stringent to offer anything easy or sentimental. So she, Julie, was once again being forced back on herself. "Travis is behaving abominably toward you," she said.
"He isn't ready yet," Leonora said with painful truth. "And no, my suggestion that you marry him isn't to further my own cause. I wouldn't do that to you."
Julie pushed herself to her feet. "You're an amazing woman, Leonora. In all this mess, one thing's clear-I'd be delighted to have you as a mother-in-law."
Leonora smiled, giving Julie a brief hug. "That's very sweet of you. In my heart of hearts, I'm convinced you're made for each other, you and Travis. That's easy for me to say but not as easy for you to hear."
"You'd be invited to the wedding. If there is one."
"I'll attend. When it happens."
"You're very like Travis," Julie said darkly. "I'll talk to you soon. 'Bye."
She hurried home to her apartment. When she got in the door, the phone was ringing. Picking it up as if it were something loathsome she'd found under a rock, she said, "Hello?"
"Travis here. We're on for Sunday afternoon, three o'clock at St. Margaret's. I'll let Charles and Leonora know, as well as Brent and Jenessa. I talked to Bryce and he'll fly in on Saturday."
Her heart jouncing in her chest, Julie said, "You're taking my consent for granted."
"You'll see your parents tonight. Don't forget I want to meet them tomorrow night. You and I can go for dinner first, I'll pick you up at six-thirty."
He sounded as impersonal as if he were a booking agent, she thought with a spurt of fury. "Yes, sir."
"I've gotten a substitute for my medical practice from Monday until Thursday. I called the clinic and they're willing to give you three days off. So we'll go back to the resort. I was able to get the same cottage."
"You're treating me like a cipher!"
There was a taut silence. "What kind of flowers do you like?"
"Anything but roses. I've always hated clichés."
"This wedding will be as far from a cliché as it can get," he said. "Let me tell you something, Julie, and then I'm going to hang up. When I thought of settling in Mexico while you took off to Thailand, I didn't know how I was going to stand it."
And just what did he mean by that? Abruptly Julie realized she was holding a receiver that was humming in her ear. Damn him anyway, she thought, and banged it back in its holder. Rowers, church, a best man and a honeymoon: they were nothing but window-dressing.
Yet somehow, tacitly, she seemed to have agreed to this travesty of a wedding.
She threw together a salad, then went to see her parents to tell them she was getting married. Predictably, her mother turned misty-eyed and sentimental, while her father asked some very pointed questions about Travis's financial state. Neither thought to ask if she was happy. But as she got up to leave, her father said suspiciously, "It's all very sudden, Julie. Is this a shotgun wedding?"
"Really, Thomas, how crude of you, of course Julie wouldn't do anything like that," Pearl said, and smiled at her daughter. "We haven't asked you what you'd like for a wedding present, darling."
Like a tidal wave and just as unstoppable, Julie was suddenly overwhelmed with rage. She closed her eyes and counted to ten. It didn't help. White-faced, she said in a clipped voice, "You know what I'd like? I'd like you two to go to a marriage counsellor or else get a divorce. One or the other."
"Julie!"
For once they'd spoken in unison. But not even this minor miracle could deflect Julie. "Why do you think I've scarcely had a boyfriend, let alone contemplated marriage? Because my parents put me off love and marriage by the time I was five. You won't have an honest fight, will you? You'd rather make digs at each other all day long, never resolve anything, live like enemies under the same roof. Yes, I'm pregnant. Pregnant and terrified that I'll end up like you."
"I won't tolerate you speaking to us like this," Thomas snapped.
"It's too late, Dad-I already have. And you know what?" Julie added with an incredulous laugh. "It feels great. Let me tell you something else. As a little girl, I always thought it must be my fault-that I was the reason you didn't get along. But I'm not going to think that way anymore. You were adults. You were responsible."
"That's not-" Pearl sputtered.
Julie swept on. "One more thing before I leave. I want both of you to go upstairs to the attic, look in the box with all the albums in it, and take out your wedding photo. Take ten minutes to sit there and look at it. See if you recognize yourselves … I sure didn't." She grabbed her purse. "I'll see you tomorrow evening. Good night."
She ran down the steps and marched along the sidewalk. But once she was out of sight of the prim little bungalow where she'd grown up, Julie took a detour into a small park near the elementary school. Sinking down on an empty bench, she realized her hands were trembling like leaves in the wind. She rested them on her knees, watching them impersonally, as if they didn't belong to her. Would her parents go up to the attic? Or would they, as usual, bury her request in a barrage of mutual recrimination?
She didn't know. Oh, Travis, she thought, staring blindly at the gravel path, what are we doing?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Promptly at six-thirty on Friday evening, Travis drew up outside Julie's apartment. Inside, the little red-headed boy he remembered from his first visit was bicycling up and down the hallway, banging into the walls with indiscriminate enthusiasm. Travis pushed the buzzer, restlessly moving his shoulders while he waited. He'd been behaving atrociously, giving Julie orders, refusing to consult her in any of the decisions about the wedding; he couldn't seem to help himself. He must try to apologize tonight. If she'd let him.