If there was a baby.
He walked in to find Kimber at his kitchen table, waiting for him like he'd asked. A can of Sprite with a straw sticking out of it stood in front of her. Late-day morning sickness? Avoiding caffeine for the baby?
Could you jump to any more conclusions?
He dropped his things on the kitchen table and pulled up a chair. "Hey," he said much more casually than he felt.
She sent him a small smile. "I'd ask you about your meeting but you probably don't want to talk about it."
He shook his head. Tried to read her expression. Failed. He wanted to lean forward and touch her somehow. Put his hands in her hair, wind his fingers around hers, tug her chair closer. But he didn't.
"Not unless you want to. Pretty boring stuff." He relaxed his back against the chair while his insides churned.
She surprised him by standing. "I want to show you something." He took her outstretched hand, longing flooding his body on contact. He'd really missed her. The kiss he gave her at his office had left him wanting more. Of all of her.
She led him through the hallway, around the corner, and into her old bedroom. Then into the bathroom.
Pregnancy tests were scattered from one end of the sink to the other. His heart collided with his rib cage and his knees actually weakened. He held on to the door frame and stared.
Unopened. The boxes were unopened. He shot her a questioning look. What's going on?
"I'm late. A week or so. But I didn't want to get the results until you were here. I didn't want to steal this moment from you. I wanted you to have the same amount of time to process once we find out. Together."
She didn't know if she was pregnant or not. And he didn't know if that made him feel better or not. He nodded, dazed. "Okay."
"You look sick."
Because he had no idea what she was thinking. He barely knew what he was thinking.
"I've been downing water and soda since I got here. So I have to pee." She laughed lightly. Lightly, during one of the heaviest moments of his life. "I'm going to take as many of them as I can so we'll know for sure. And then we can talk."
He braced one foot against the door to keep from passing out.
Kimber came to him, feathering her fingers into his hair. "I won't do anything without you. No matter what the tests say."
Her words cracked him open, split him in two like a dividing continent. The offer meant more than she knew. Rachel had robbed him of the opportunity to decide with her the best thing for all of them. She hadn't waited for him to offer any alternatives. She'd taken the option from him like he hadn't had a vested interest in their baby.
Kimber may not know how deeply her offer affected him, but he meant to show her. Straightening, he speared his hands into her hair and kissed her. A deep, intimate kiss, thanking her, drinking her in, and letting her know he'd be here for her as well.
She ended the kiss with a wiggle. "Gotta go." Reluctantly, he released her and stepped aside, allowing her to shut him out of the bathroom.
At the edge of the bed, he sat, elbows on his thighs, thumbs pressing against his closed eyelids. Dear heavenly Father, came the automatic thought. It was the way his mother had always started her prayers. Only he didn't know what to say next. He didn't know whether to pray for positive or negative results on those tests. And he didn't know if Kimber was behind the bathroom door hoping for the opposite of whatever he prayed for.
Mind a confused canvas of colors and shapes, Landon blew out a breath, lifted his chin to take in the ceiling above him, and, on a sigh, uttered a simple, "Help me do the right thing."
Kimber lined up the three tests she'd managed to saturate. She'd recapped the lids and washed her hands, leaving them to rest. She checked her teeth, straightened her clothes, and fluffed her hair.
The stalling wasn't necessary. Every package said to allow two to five minutes for results, but her results had appeared instantly. She ran a finger along the bottoms of the sticks. Two lines, two lines, and this one actually read Pregnant, in case she'd misinterpreted the whole double-line thing.
Now all she had to do was open the door and tell the father of her unborn baby the good news. Or the horrific news. The happy-slash-terrifying news. How would he take it? When she'd left him in the doorway, he'd been the color of pea soup. She had no idea if she should open the door and just announce her findings, or bring him in here and show him the evidence. How would he need to process? How did she need to process?
Right now her mind was an utter blank. Other than getting through the next sixty seconds, when she was forced to face Landon. Her fling. Her fun-night stand. She shook her head. She was such an idiot. There was a lesson to be learned here. Sex was anything but string-less. They'd knowingly played with fire … several, several times. What had they expected? But. She wouldn't turn this relationship with Landon into something it wasn't just because there was a Baby on Board.
She'd made the mistake of lashing Mick to Hobo Chic; had tied the ropes into double knots. And now they were stuck with a business one of them wanted and one of them didn't. They were trapped. Much like her mother had felt in the marriage to Kimber's father. She had given up everything when she'd learned she'd had Kimber in her belly. She'd shelved her dreams for duty. Then her parents had gone from happy people separately to miserable people together.
Kimber wouldn't repeat her mother's mistake. She wouldn't allow a baby to mandate her and Landon's combined future. Her focus was on becoming the best mother she could. Kimber knew she'd be an amazing, caring mother. And she'd share custody-assuming he wanted it-with the incredibly capable man outside of this door. But she refused to force herself into a familial unit destined to fail. She wouldn't lead Landon down the aisle only to watch his resentment for her deepen over the years.
What they'd had together was beautiful. What they'd made even more so. No sense in ruining it. She thought of the I love you she'd thrown out a few weeks ago with a wave of sorrow.
She couldn't allow herself to love Landon. Love was messy. A tangle of emotions he obviously didn't return. And she wasn't going to allow her soft heart to feel that way. For her baby's sake. For her sake. She was going to have to be stronger, grow up … all at once, it would seem.
Kimber tried to smile at the bathroom mirror as she smoothed her shirt over her flat stomach. She managed … until she thought about all the things that could go wrong. So many things could happen. To the baby. To her. To Landon. The best course of action was to take things as they came-a day at a time. She could plan for this day. For this moment. And she could decide not to get overly emotional and sentimental about what Landon and she had shared in the past.
She found him sitting on the bed, elbows on his legs, chin in his palms. He'd lost the jacket, loosened the tie, and cuffed his sleeves. If this little bud growing in her tummy made it, the kid would be absolutely gorgeous. Her tummy fluttered as she pictured a boy with color-changing hazel eyes and a sandy mess of hair, then later as a lean, lanky teenager with freckles like hers. Tears sprang to her eyes.
Swiping her eyes, she blinked them back. Landon stood and scraped both hands through his hair and paced over to her as she fought to compose herself, to deliver the news in the best way possible. He reached for her hands, his expression grave.
She waited until his eyes had locked on to hers, then she told him. "I'm pregnant."
Of all the reactions she'd anticipated, not a single one was a silent nod. He licked his bottom lip and swallowed. The slightest tremor shook his hands in hers. "Will you keep it?" he mumbled, his voice barely audible.
She didn't hesitate. "Of course." Was there ever a doubt she would? There wasn't in her mind. Had there been in his?
His composure cracked, and he pulled her into arms that had no softness to them at all. Caged against him, she smoothed her hands along his taut back muscles. She rested her face against his chest as they held each other. "Are you okay?"
"Am now," he said into her hair. He hadn't let go. She didn't think she wanted him to.
"I wasn't sure what you were hoping to hear."
"Neither was I." His voice shook the slightest bit.
That was when realization struck. Like a flash of lightning revealing what once was dark.
His girlfriend in college who'd had the abortion … All the hurt and regret in his eyes made perfect sense. "You didn't know," she said, holding him tighter. He rubbed a palm up and down her back without answering. But he didn't need to answer. She knew the truth. She felt the truth in every thud of his heart.
Landon hadn't been a part of the decision to terminate the pregnancy. He hadn't learned until it was too late.