The Mermaid Garden(122)

He arrived at the imposing gates of the convent and hesitated before getting out and ringing the bell. Once Floriana walked through these gates he might never see her again. His heart contracted, and he was stunned by the sudden rush of emotion. Only now that he was on the point of losing her did he realize how deeply he cared.


Floriana telephoned Dante often from the public telephone in Luigi’s. They couldn’t speak for long, but Dante’s voice was enough to reassure her. In her free time she’d wander up to La Magdalena and find Good-Night. Together they’d walk through the fields, and she’d tell him of the future she was going to have with Dante. They’d sit on the beach as the water gently lapped the rocks, and she’d sing to her unborn child, and the dog that had grown to love her above all others.


Father Severo took another swig from the bottle he had hidden beneath a floorboard in his bedroom. Many times he had told himself that this swig would be his last. He knew that if he was caught, Father Ascanio would throw him out, being a man of the highest principles. But he was unable to stop, and Father Ascanio’s poor sense of smell enabled Father Severo to continue undetected.

Tonight Father Ascanio was out. He had disappeared in his car that afternoon and hadn’t come back. Father Severo wondered whether the outing had anything to do with Floriana. He felt the slippery fish of his secret and relished the pleasure it gave him, knowing something that he shouldn’t, not having weakened and told anyone. His discretion gave him a buzz.

He took another swig. It was a beautiful evening. The light was mellow, the air warm and autumnal. The sounds of children playing echoed off the ancient stone walls and made him think of his own isolated childhood and the boys who refused to play with him because they sensed that he was different. He decided to go for a walk and get some air. He considered Father Ascanio as he weaved slowly up the narrow street towards the piazza. How he admired him. But he could never rise to such heights, being the inadequate man that he was. He knew his failings and was content living in the shadow of a great man of God, giving his life to the service of others, hoping to redeem himself through his work. He repressed the sexual feelings he had for other men and prayed daily to be cured. But the pain persisted, and only the alcohol helped stifle it.

At the end of the street he saw a man crouched on a doorstep, head in hands. He recognized him instantly.

“Elio,” he said as he approached. “Are you all right?” The man looked up at him, and the suffering on his face yanked the sacristan out of his internal world with a jolt.

“Father, help me.”

The sacristan sat beside him. The stench of alcohol seeping from Elio’s pores was pungent. “How can I help you?”

“I have lost my wife and son, and now I am losing my daughter, too.”

“What do you mean, your daughter?”

“She doesn’t care for me. I have let her down. I should be working to support her, but here I am, a slave to alcohol. I have hit the bottom, Father, and I don’t know how to lift myself up. I want to take care of her, but she won’t speak to me anymore. I know that one day she will leave me, like her mother did, and I’ll die alone like a common tramp.”

“Elio, you have taken the first step to recovery. By acknowledging that you have a problem, you have already moved towards resolving it.”

“I won’t drink ever again.”

“That takes a very strong will,” Father Severo said, thinking of his own weakness and once again vowing to overcome it.

“So, what am I to do?”

“You need something to live for, a goal that will keep you from the bottle and inspire you to get back to work and live a clean life.” He felt the slippery fish in his throat and a sudden bolt of excitement as it slowly worked its way up.

“I have nothing but Floriana, and she despises me.”

“You have to prove to her first that you can do it. It’s no use telling her over and over that you will give up drinking because you have failed to do so countless times in the past. You have to show her that you seriously intend to change.”

“She doesn’t love me anymore. Once love is dead it cannot be revived.”

“Nonsense. Father Ascanio says that love is always there, at the very heart of all of us, even those who don’t know it. We just have to let go of all negativity.”

“I don’t deserve her love. Look at me.”

“Of course you do. It’s human to make mistakes. Jesus taught forgiveness. Floriana is a good Christian. She loves you in her heart, even if she is not aware of it. You’re her father and the only family she has.”