But the fear remained. Ava grabbed a handful of Kincaid's hair, pressing her forehead against his. Her body was her own again. She was in control, and what she wanted was to make that clear-to herself.
She shoved him onto his back, and Kincaid hit the bed with a startled noise. He blinked up at her. "Ava, luv."
But she set both hands firmly on his chest and straddled him, her nightgown riding up around her thighs. Kincaid cursed under his breath, capturing her wrist with his human hand, his mech hand resting lightly on her thigh. "Ava, just what's going on?" Kincaid's whisper made the devil sound like a saint.
He knew, damn him.
"I'm tired of being treated like I'm made of porcelain," she whispered.
Thought shadowed his gaze, and it dropped to her lips. "You had a fright today-"
"Don't you dare!" she snapped.
The outburst startled both of them.
"I don't need to be wrapped in swaddling clothes, or treated as though I'm fragile." Maybe she had once, but she'd healed enough now. And that feeling of discontent brewed deep within her. She felt like she'd stayed in stasis for the past few years, and she was so damned tired of it she wanted to smash something. "You promised me an affair. You promised me experience, damn it, and to this point there's been far too much talking and not enough actually doing. And I haven't forgotten what you said yesterday, but right now, I need you. I need you."
"I don't want to take advantage of your emotions," Kincaid ground out, a flush of heat igniting along his cheekbones. His mech hand tickled her thigh, the smooth metal pads of his fingertips cool against her skin. "And if you want to pretend today didn't cost you something, then you can, but the black in your eyes reveals the lie of that. Today was the first time you've taken blood in months. Don't deny it didn't affect you."
"I'm not...." She pressed her lips firmly together. "I don't want blood now."
"Then why-"
"Because I want you! That's why my god-cursed eyes are black! Because I want you to touch me, and it hurts." Her hands clenched in her nightgown. "My skin feels like I'm wearing roughened hessian sackcloth over it. Everything aches. Everything. I want... I want you to bed me."
Kincaid looked taken aback.
She never raised her voice. She never yelled. "I'm sorry-"
The devil actually laughed, his entire body shaking. Ava glared down at him, feeling the darkness roll through her. "Stop it! Stop laughing at me!"
Kincaid reached up, grabbing hold of the back of her head as he rose. "I'm not laughing at you."
And then he kissed her.
Ava moaned into his mouth, her tongue darting over his, and her hands curling in his shirt, desperate for the feel of his body. The steel of his erection pressed against her inner thigh, and his arms captured her against his chest, her breasts pressing against the hard slab of his pectorals.
Then they were rolling, and Ava found herself beneath him, her thighs spreading as his weight pushed her into the mattress. Kincaid captured her mouth greedily, as if today had been just as frightening for him and he needed reaffirmation. Her body came alive, restless and driven by the primal hunger within her. Ava moaned, and sank her fists into his hair, silently demanding more.
"Ava." Half-groan, half-surrender. "Merciful heavens, you're so fucking perfect."
His hand slid down to cup her hip, and then he thrust against her, and the shock of his hard cock pressing against her clitoris made her flinch.
Kincaid froze, as if he'd felt it.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, fingers splaying across his back to keep him there. "I didn't mean it. It was just... the surprise. The feeling of it."
She wanted more, but she didn't know how to ask for it.
"Don't apologize then. I want you to speak your mind when you're with me. And I think I'm starting to finally understand you," he rasped, looking down at her. "The past few years you've kept all your desires under lock and key, haven't you? No blood. No sex." He punctuated this statement with a taunting rock of his hips. Ava's mind went blank, and she clutched at his upper arms, desperate for him to push against her again. But he hadn't finished. Kincaid's stubble rasped against her jaw, and he bit her earlobe. "You said you wanted to experience passion, and I think it's more than that. I think something inside you chafes at the control. Everyone thinks you're sweetness and light, but I think there's something in there that's a little bit dark. I think some part of you wants to be naughty." He licked her ear, making her writhe. "It wants to unleash itself and do wicked, wicked things. I think there's a passionate woman inside you, and she's tired of being locked away. She's tired of being polite, and letting other people have their way while she sips her protein solution. She wants to yell at me, and dig her nails into my back while I kiss her, doesn't she?"