The Mech Who Loved Me(37)

"I do like you," he admitted gruffly. "Blue blood notwithstanding."

Something warmed with her. "And the truth is, I'm not certain I've been living my life. I needed time to put myself back together after what happened to me, and I think I'm nearly there. But the last few years have been... controlled. Full of routine, and me trying to pretend everything is fine, and dusk to dawn spent in a laboratory, or traipsing through crime scenes, and while that is all well and good and intellectually stimulating it has come to my attention it also makes me feel a little hollow. Or... lacking. Lacking something."

Those sleepy eyes turned dangerous. "You mentioned a taste of passion."

Passion. That was what had been missing. "Yes," she breathed. "I want to experience something that sweeps me out of this ordinary life. I want a taste of everything I'm not supposed to want, and everything I've been suppressing for the last few years. Perry suggested I take a lover, but I think it's more than that. And I don't know precisely what that something is, but there's a hollow inside me, a yearning for... something. And maybe if I start with a lover, then I'll work out what that something is."



       
         
       
        

"Malloryn wouldn't approve. After Byrnes and Ingrid, he specifically demanded no more fraternization occur."

"I thought thumbing your nose at the duke was the highlight of your day? And who are you to speak of rules? You, who clearly likes to break them?" She could see the furrow on his brow still, the disapproving way he held himself, as though she'd suggested he rub mud all over his skin. "And if you won't help me, then I shall find someone who will."

"Like hell you will," he growled. "Christ, woman. Think of the risk."

"That's why I'm asking you. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I... I trust you with my body." And wasn't that a thought, for someone who'd been another man's captive. True, Hague had had no interest in her body sexually, but he'd still controlled every aspect of her. She'd been helpless for a long time, and unable to control even the slightest physical interaction.

But when she thought of giving herself to Kincaid, there was no fear there. Only... interest. A delicious urge to spread her wings and take what she wanted, for once in her life.

Kincaid eyed her with an evil look. "What was that thought?"

"I trust you with my body," she said gently, half in wonder. "I didn't understand why it had to be you, but I think that is the answer. I am both attracted to you, and feel safe with you. You don't know how rare it is to find a man who makes me feel like that."

He looked uncomfortable again. "Has a man ever hurt you, Ava?"

"Not... in the way you mean." She hated talking about it. It seemed wrong, in a way. I survived, and the others didn't, and sometimes that woke her more often than any nightmare she might suffer. What did she have to complain about? A little hysteria every now and then? An inability to leave the house when she was suffering the worst phases of her trauma? It could be worse. She could be buried in St. James's cemetery, like Evangeline, or in Harknell like Suzette. Or she might even be one of the girls that had vanished completely. Only Hague knew where those bodies went, and he was dead and never telling.

But Kincaid needed to know.

Just in case she panicked if he made a sudden move.

"Four years ago," she said quietly, rubbing the sheet between thumb and forefinger to help ground herself, "I was captured by a madman. He was a scientist who created clockwork and mechanical organs, and he needed humans to test his operations on."

"The Steel-Jaw case?"

It had been all through the papers at the time. No wonder he knew it. "I was one of the girls he experimented upon. He wanted to create a clockwork heart that could sustain a patient dying of heart failure. But the problem was he couldn't keep the girls he experimented upon alive throughout the process of removing... removing...." 

Removing their hearts.

"Dr. Hague infected me with the craving virus, so I might survive," Ava whispered, unbuttoning her nightgown a little so he could see the top of her scar, and trying to ignore his paling face. "I was his first successful heart transplant patient. But not by choice. Byrnes, Perry, and Garrett... They rescued me from that vile laboratory, and though I have managed to resurrect some semblance of a life, it haunts me every day." She glanced up from beneath her lashes. His eyes were wide with horror. "I was one of only two girls who survived. I saw them die, Kincaid. And... and there was no way to escape. I had no hope left. Nothing but pain, and...." She gasped, her fingers contracting into a fist.