"I dreamed my mom was dying and my dad-the man who I thought was my dad-was standing over her coffin screaming at her." She shivered.
"That must have been horrible."
"He didn't get angry at the real funeral. He was too drunk. Uncle Jim had to hold him up."
He hated the matter-of-fact way she accepted that. "Grief takes people in funny ways, Maria."
"That's what Billy says, too."
"Yeah, and he should know."
"Billy's stopped drinking now, though, hasn't he? He says my dad might come to his senses and do the same thing."
"I sure hope he does. He must've been a fool not to appreciate you."
She hunched her shoulders. "I'm not sure if he ever liked me much. I was always doing things wrong, you know? And the harder I tried, the worse it got. When Mom first got sick and he had to take care of me a lot, it was horrible. I didn't tell Mom, though."
"I can't think of a single reason why he wouldn't like you. You're awesome."
"You can't make people like you, though, can you?" Maria's breath hitched. "There was a boy at school I really liked, but he crushed on my friend Dayna."
"A boy? Aren't you a bit young for that?"
She elbowed him in the ribs. "I'm almost in fifth grade. I'm not a kindergartener."
Blue decided not to comment on that and mentally revised his future budget to include a private all-girls school.
"So what happened to your mom?"
He almost smiled. She was as tenacious as he was.
"Didn't Billy tell you?"
"No, he said it was something I should ask you."
Blue settled back against the wall. "A long time ago, she and my dad got into a fight and-"
"Billy did?"
"Yeah."
"Are you sure?" She frowned. "He's way too nice to fight with anyone."
"I was there, sweetheart. I heard them fighting. All us kids did. I was around your age at the time. My mom hadn't been doing too good since the birth of our baby sister, and she wasn't happy living at the ranch."
"Why not? Once you get used to the smell it's like super cool."
"She missed her family in the city, and she didn't like being out here in the middle of nowhere. Some people don't. So she and my dad had been fighting a lot."
She shivered and pressed closer to him. "I hate that."
"Chase and I would try and distract our little brothers when our parents went at it, but they knew things weren't right. One night my mom got really mad, and she tried to, um, hurt Billy. He managed to stop her but ended up unconscious. When he woke up, she'd gone and taken the baby with her."
"Gone where?"
"We don't know."
"How can you not know?" She turned around to stare at him, her arms folded across her chest in a way that reminded him of Ruth. "Can't you just look it up or ask someone?"
Ah, the Internet generation.
"We're trying. We thought she might be dead at first, and so did the cops, but after talking to Billy we realized she might have run away instead."
"Just like me."
He hugged her then, he couldn't stop himself. "You ran to the right place, honey."
A small black shape flitted through the shadows at the door, and the volume of noise coming from the kittens increased and then settled down again.
"The mama came back," Blue whispered. "Now we should go and leave them in peace."
He went still as she put her palm against his cheek, her blue gaze serious. "Maybe your mom will come back one day, too."
"Thanks. That would be awesome."
"I know."
He held her gaze. "You know I might be your dad, right?"
She nodded solemnly.
"And did you also know there are ways to find out if that's true."
"You mean like DNA tests?"
He nodded.
"My other dad said he was going to get one and prove I wasn't his kid."
"How would you feel about taking that test with me?"
She bit her lip. "It would be okay, I suppose." She suddenly scrambled off his lap. "I want to go in now."
"Sure." Blue didn't press her anymore. It was a lot for her to deal with already, and something had upset her. He wished he knew what it was or even how to ask. "You okay?"
"Can we come and see the kittens again tomorrow?"
He took her hand. "Absolutely. Now come on in and get back to bed."
She came with him willingly and he held the door into the house open for her, his finger to his lips to indicate she needed to keep quiet as she was near the parlor, where Ruth was watching TV. He pointed down at her ruined pink slippers.
"Leave them here."
She frowned down at her feet and kicked them off.
"Blue Boy Morgan, what are you doing creeping around at night?"
"She always did have ears on elastic." Blue cringed as Ruth came out of the parlor. He tried to hide Maria behind his back.
"Sorry for disturbing you, Ruth. I went for a run, and now I'm going to shower and go to bed."
Ruth frowned and looked past him to the bottom of the stairs. "And why is Maria still up?"
"It was my fault." Blue turned fully toward Ruth. "There were new kittens in the barn, and I thought she might like to see them."
Ruth shook her head. "You haven't changed a bit. Always too impatient. You make sure Maria gets to bed right now, then."
"Yes, ma'am."
Ruth stomped back into the parlor and closed the door, leaving Blue staring down at Maria, who was fighting a smile.
"She told you off good."
"Yeah. She's had lots of practice." He started up the stairs and Maria followed him. "You use the bathroom, and I'll come and check up on you in a minute, okay?"
He went and washed up and returned to her door, knocking first and waiting until she gave him permission to come in. She was already in bed with only the night-light on and her music playing quietly in the background. Feeling rather out of place in the new flowery pink and orange décor, he perched uneasily on the side of the bed, dislodging several plushies.
"Thanks for not telling on me." Maria patted his knee.
"You're welcome. Do you think you'll be able to sleep now?"
"After seeing the kittens? Yes." Her smile was beautiful. "How about you?"
"I think I'll be fine." He leaned in and gently kissed the top of her head. "Night, sweetheart."
"Night, Blue." She hesitated. "If we do the test thing . . ."
"Yeah?"
"And I'm not your daughter either, will you kick me out?"
Blue reached out a hand to her. "Honey-"
She swallowed hard and looked away from him. "That was a silly thing to say. I know you can't answer it."
"I can't, but I understand why you asked. Having one dad bail on you means you don't want to have to go through it again with another one, right?"
She nodded. Suddenly her reluctance to interact with him made a whole lot more sense.
"All I can tell you is this. If you are my daughter, I'll be one hundred percent your dad. If you aren't, we'll find a way to make sure you get everything you need in this life to succeed anyway, okay?" He grimaced. "I'm not great with words, Maria, but if I say something you can guarantee I mean it."
"That's what Billy said about you, too." She yawned and covered her mouth. "I'm all sleepy."
"Then go to sleep, darlin'." He stood up. "I'll call Jenna in the morning and ask her to come and see if the kittens are okay."
"Okay."
She rolled onto her side and closed her eyes and was almost asleep before he even reached the door. She'd said more to him during the last hour than she had during the past weeks. But he got it now. She was guarding her heart against the potential disappointment of another father failure.
Blue went into his bedroom and contemplated a shower before deciding he'd be in more trouble with Ruth if he woke everyone up with gurgling Victorian plumbing at two in the morning. On impulse he got out his cell and typed a quick text to Jenna.
Hope all went well with Big Mac?
He was just about to get into bed when his phone buzzed and lit up.
They were awesome about everything. Thanks for checking in on me.
He smiled down at the screen like a besotted idiot. Who was he kidding? He was besotted. He wanted this woman. For the first time in his life he was willing to rearrange his schedule to make things right not just for Maria, but for Jenna as well.
You're welcome. Come up to ranch tomorrow? We have new kittens in the barn.
Will do. I might as well live up there these days.
LOL
Hell, I wish you did.
Blue stared at what he'd typed and then across at his empty bed. He imagined Jenna spread out on it, her hair loose around her shoulders and her arms wrapped around him as he . . .
Yeah right, only because it would cut your vet bills if I was on staff.
True, but I was thinking about more personal things. He waited but there was no reply, so he typed again. Like you in my bed.
Still no reply.
You still there?
Yes. Just wondering if I have enough gas to make it out to the ranch right now. LOL
Blue slowly exhaled. I could come get you.