The real world crashed back into her as her body healed and the blood of the progenitor did its job.
She found herself looking up into Tirigan’s bloody eyes.
How had she ever thought them to be so horrible? There was so much emotion there, so much darkness, but there was love there, too.
But she still didn’t want to be him.
He wiped away her own bloody tears with his thumb. “I didn’t know you’d see,” he whispered. “It was so long ago.”
“I’m glad I saw.” Her voice was scratchy and hoarse, and damn, but her whole body ached. It felt as if she’d been ripped apart and the powers that be were still putting her back together. She supposed that was a very real possibility.
“If you say it makes me human, I’m going to bite you,” he snarled, but the words didn’t carry the bite she’d have heard once upon a time.
She curled against him. “No, you’re not.”
“Ah, child. It’s taken you this long to see.”
“But now I do see, no takebacks.”
His hand stroked over her hair. “It’s taken me a long time to learn how to be a father to you, sun-flower. The people at the diner, they’d sold you out to the hunters.”
She’d seen that in the vision, too. She understood him so much better now.
Belle wiped the last blood tear from her eye and offered it up to him.
“No, I won’t drink your tears.” He sounded horrified. A strange, an unfamiliar emotion coming from him.
“Please. It helped me know you so much better. It helped me see you. See me.”
With a much put upon sigh, he swiped the tear with his finger and put it to his mouth. His eyes closed and concentration marred his otherwise smooth and ageless brow.
“Your humanity is awful. So. Many. Feelings.” His nose wrinkled, but he sighed again. “So much like her,” came the strangled whisper.
“Why didn’t you Turn her?” she blurted.
“I tried. The magic she’d used to bring you into the world made her immune to the virus in our blood.”
“I’m sorry.”
He fixed her with a hard, pointed stare. The stare of endless ages and darkness. A stare she’d once found so horrible, but now took comfort in. Because she knew he did see her for who she was, not who he wanted her to be.
“Your monster is beautiful, too.”
“I’m learning that,” Belle replied. “Parker taught me that humanity and monstrosity aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“Certainly not. Humans are capable of both great and horrible deeds.”
“No, I mean… I guess I’ve equated humanity with morality. My morality can exist without denying who I am.”
She waited for him to tell her that he’d told her that long ago, but he didn’t say anything.
“Don’t hurt him,” she said after a long time.
He snorted. “I can’t really now, can I? I’ve just got you back, and you seem to adore him.”
Silence stretched between them until it was brittle.
“You love him, don’t you?”
She remembered the last time she’d told her father she loved a man and the words stuck in her throat. “He proved his worthiness, didn’t he?”
“Yes, much more so than Kumarin ever was. He pissed himself when we met. And your dog threw himself over my body with no thought for himself. Yes, he’s proved he is worthy.”
“I want to help them.”
“The wolves with their little war, you mean? I won’t stop you.”
“I want you to help me.”
“Why do I ever crawl out of my pyramid?” He sighed.
“You’re crashing in a pyramid now?”
“I’ve been in El Castillo for a while now. They’re comfortable.”
“You need to join the world.”
“And you need to connect with your history.”
“Here we go,” she said, her sigh sounding much like his.
“I’ll make you a deal. You come back to us, and I’ll meet you halfway. In this world.”
“I don’t want to join the murder. I… that life…” She was thinking of all the different ways to phrase what she wanted to say. Belle had come to realize the way she’d expressed herself in the past had been tantamount to “I don’t want you.” Not “I don’t want this life.”
“I see now that murder life is not for you. You are not built for it, but I’m tired. When it is time for new leadership, they will look to you. Will you deny them?”
“New leadership?” No, there would never be a new leadership. Tirigan was the progenitor. He was forever.
“Eternity is long and dark, and I’m ready to sleep.”