The Man I Want to Be (Under Covers)(25)

He'd lost his head. Coming on to her. Touching her. Then slamming on the  brakes, which probably wasn't the smartest move. But he couldn't think  clearly around her.

He wanted Kenna. He shouldn't. He didn't have the right. But damn if he  could convince himself otherwise. Fuck, what he wouldn't give to go back  in time. Back to when she was his. Back before all the shit. Before  fate threw him a curveball of epic proportions.

Before 9/11 hit, and he suddenly felt patriotic and wanted to do  something about it. So he'd enlisted. Wasn't until he was overseas,  fighting for a cause he didn't understand, getting sent on missions he  didn't agree with that he realized the error in his ways. He'd promised  Kenna he'd come back to her. They'd start their life together.

But then his convoy was blown up. The docs gave him the bad news. And  suddenly, everything they'd planned had evaporated around him. Poof.  Gone. So he decided to walk. To give her the chance to lead a full and  fulfilling life. Without him.

And when this week was over, he was going to have to do it again. He'd  have to leave her knowing that no matter how bad it hurt, it would be  nothing compared to the agony of knowing if she stayed with him, he'd  never give her the one thing in the world she always wanted: a family.





Chapter Twelve


Kenna lay in the barely warm water of the porcelain tub, eyes closed,  hand still between her legs. The internal vibrations hadn't stopped yet,  so she let them ride out, trying to relish in the glow of satisfaction.  But she wasn't satisfied. Not even close. She'd just gotten herself off  a second time in the bathroom she was sharing with Bear, and she wasn't  any closer to being over him.

After the incident on the balcony-where she was ready to have him right  there in the open-and then he'd stopped, she marched in and decided to  relax in the bath. Well, relaxing meant not being frustrated. And in  order for her not to be frustrated, she needed to relieve some stress.

Her stomach cramped at the thought of how many times she'd done this  over the past decade. How many times she'd imagined his hands on her.  His mouth. It's the only way she could get herself off.

Thinking about Bear doing to her what he pleased.

She was out of her mind for him. She needed him. And he'd stopped her.  Turned down sex with her. The embarrassment was harsh enough, but it was  the shot to her ego that really hurt. What was wrong with her that he'd  not only left her all those years ago, but now he didn't want to sleep  with her, either?

They used to have such hot sex back in the day. Wild, crazy, uninhibited  sex. There wasn't anything they hadn't tried. She was comfortable with  Bear, and he was comfortable with her.

And yet he must not have been as comfortable as she thought. Or there was something about her he didn't want.

She sank down into the water, immersing her whole head. When she came  back up, wiping the soapy water from her eyes, she decided she wasn't  going to let it bother her anymore. She wasn't going to hold onto  something that wasn't there. She thought she'd seen a glimmer of hope  that there was something between them. A spark of what used to be. He  was fighting so hard to help her solve the thefts. She could've sworn he  was doing it because he still cared for her. Might even want her back.  This could be his way to prove he was a changed man.         

     



 

Of course, it would be in her worst interest to think they could give it another go. But that didn't stop her heart from hoping.

But if he could turn away from her that easily, then she was wrong.

A loud knock sounded on the other side of the door.

"You didn't drown, did you?" Bryan said from the other side. "How long you gonna be? I gotta get in there."

She didn't respond.

"Kenna?"

Still nothing.

"Seriously," he said. "Answer me."

"Give me a minute." Kenna flipped the faucet to turn the hot water on  and pulled the plug to drain the water. Standing, she lifted the nob on  the wall so water rained down from the showerhead.

She tilted her head back, letting the hot water flow down her hair and  back. The gentle pelting sensation was oddly soothing as it massaged her  tension. Tension she still couldn't seem to squash.

Spinning, she pulled the showerhead attachment down from the wall and  guided the spray over her body-her breasts, hips, and stomach. Before  getting to her thighs, she stopped midway, letting the consistent tap of  water hit her where her ache persisted. Using her other hand, she  opened herself to the spray, breathing a sigh of contentment as her  tension began to build again-that incessant, never-ending reminder that  Bear had left his mark where no other man could cure.

She needed release.

She caressed the spot, using the dual stimulation to give her what she needed again.

"Mmm," she moaned, eyes closing. "Just like that, Bear. Just like that."

Her hips pressed forward and back, her body needing it harder and  faster. Rougher. The way he used to give it to her. She increased the  pressure, but it wasn't enough.

Turning the dial on the showerhead, the flow of water immediately kicked  up in intensity, hammering against her in the most delicious, erotic  way.

"Oh." She clenched her teeth, trying not to cry out. Holding it back only heightened her pleasure. "Yes. Just. Like. That."

Her core clenched. Her breasts ached. She was so close.

That's when a sharp intake of air sounded from the other side of the bathroom.

She shrieked and released the showerhead. It dropped and clattered onto  the tub, spraying water all over the room. Slamming a hand on the  nozzle, she quickly turned the water off.

Bryan stood in the doorway staring at her with an expression of surprise  that quickly morphed into extreme hunger. His hot-as-hell gaze coasted  down her wet body from head to feet and back up. He stopped between her  legs, staring as he licked his lips.

A small shudder rolled over her at the memory of how amazing it felt when he touched her there an hour ago.

"What are you doing?" she shrieked. "I said I needed a minute!"

He brought his gaze up to hers briefly. "Keep going."

She swallowed and glanced around the room.

"If you get that fucking hot imagining me touching you, then go on. Get yourself off."

She sniffed out a breath. "I'm fine. It was nothing. I was just-"

"Bullshit." He stepped into the room, kicking the door closed behind him.

Her heart zapped to attention, ramping up her pulse. The climb that had  been building before he barged in was still there, waiting for release.  She was dying for it.

Bear's hands landed on her hips where he hoisted her out of the tub,  sitting her on the edge, facing him. He pressed her legs wide and stared  down at her.

"Do it," he said, eyes ablaze. "Finish yourself off."

"I …  No, I … I don't need … "

"I'll get you started." Without any warning, he inserted two fingers  into her, forcing out that cry she'd been smothering. The muscles in his  biceps worked as he drove in and out. Using his thumb, he circled her  until she sighed and closed her eyes. Yep, that did it. She was building  again, that quick.

He pulled his fingers away from her, making her whimper.

"Now, do it," he said in a low, steely voice. "You were right there. I could feel it. Give yourself the release."

Torture. It was absolute, blessed torture. She needed the relief. She was on the ledge, hanging over in search of freedom.

Fine. She'd give him what he wanted, only because it was going to give  her what she needed. If he wasn't going to get her off, then she'd show  him exactly what he'd been missing all these years. She'd remind him how  it looked when she let go.

Kenna took a deep fortifying breath and slid a finger down her core, opening herself up to him.

He grunted with approval.

Circling the spot she'd touched before, she inserted two fingers from  her other hand and began to work in tandem, hitting the areas she knew  all too well for the quickest, most powerful finale.         

     



 

His nostrils flared as he watched her, his own hand skimming down his  body. He cupped himself on the outside of his shorts, gripping hard. He  bit his lower lip. "Fuck, Kenna. You're even more beautiful right now."

Yes, and he'd chosen for her to satisfy herself, so she was going to  make the most of it. Later, he could get himself off three times in row  like she'd had to do. See how he liked that.

She pointed her toes and widened her legs, giving him an even more  personal view. It wasn't going to take long. Between his intense  expression and the pressure she was administering on herself, it was a  perfect combination for a massive explosion.

He groaned, long and guttural. And he lowered his zipper. Pulling  himself out of his shorts, he used his large hand to clutch his  erection. Sliding slow and purposeful down his length, he focused on her  hands.

Maybe this was what she'd needed. Not just imagining Bear with her, but  him actually being here, showing her how much she affected him. He  might've turned down sex earlier, but if he didn't want her right now,  he was a damn good actor. His skin was flush. Muscles taut. That male  instinct to jump her and finish her off was barely contained. She  reveled in the anticipation that he might pull her against him, turn her  around, and drive into her.