He'd lost his head. Coming on to her. Touching her. Then slamming on the brakes, which probably wasn't the smartest move. But he couldn't think clearly around her.
He wanted Kenna. He shouldn't. He didn't have the right. But damn if he could convince himself otherwise. Fuck, what he wouldn't give to go back in time. Back to when she was his. Back before all the shit. Before fate threw him a curveball of epic proportions.
Before 9/11 hit, and he suddenly felt patriotic and wanted to do something about it. So he'd enlisted. Wasn't until he was overseas, fighting for a cause he didn't understand, getting sent on missions he didn't agree with that he realized the error in his ways. He'd promised Kenna he'd come back to her. They'd start their life together.
But then his convoy was blown up. The docs gave him the bad news. And suddenly, everything they'd planned had evaporated around him. Poof. Gone. So he decided to walk. To give her the chance to lead a full and fulfilling life. Without him.
And when this week was over, he was going to have to do it again. He'd have to leave her knowing that no matter how bad it hurt, it would be nothing compared to the agony of knowing if she stayed with him, he'd never give her the one thing in the world she always wanted: a family.
Chapter Twelve
Kenna lay in the barely warm water of the porcelain tub, eyes closed, hand still between her legs. The internal vibrations hadn't stopped yet, so she let them ride out, trying to relish in the glow of satisfaction. But she wasn't satisfied. Not even close. She'd just gotten herself off a second time in the bathroom she was sharing with Bear, and she wasn't any closer to being over him.
After the incident on the balcony-where she was ready to have him right there in the open-and then he'd stopped, she marched in and decided to relax in the bath. Well, relaxing meant not being frustrated. And in order for her not to be frustrated, she needed to relieve some stress.
Her stomach cramped at the thought of how many times she'd done this over the past decade. How many times she'd imagined his hands on her. His mouth. It's the only way she could get herself off.
Thinking about Bear doing to her what he pleased.
She was out of her mind for him. She needed him. And he'd stopped her. Turned down sex with her. The embarrassment was harsh enough, but it was the shot to her ego that really hurt. What was wrong with her that he'd not only left her all those years ago, but now he didn't want to sleep with her, either?
They used to have such hot sex back in the day. Wild, crazy, uninhibited sex. There wasn't anything they hadn't tried. She was comfortable with Bear, and he was comfortable with her.
And yet he must not have been as comfortable as she thought. Or there was something about her he didn't want.
She sank down into the water, immersing her whole head. When she came back up, wiping the soapy water from her eyes, she decided she wasn't going to let it bother her anymore. She wasn't going to hold onto something that wasn't there. She thought she'd seen a glimmer of hope that there was something between them. A spark of what used to be. He was fighting so hard to help her solve the thefts. She could've sworn he was doing it because he still cared for her. Might even want her back. This could be his way to prove he was a changed man.
Of course, it would be in her worst interest to think they could give it another go. But that didn't stop her heart from hoping.
But if he could turn away from her that easily, then she was wrong.
A loud knock sounded on the other side of the door.
"You didn't drown, did you?" Bryan said from the other side. "How long you gonna be? I gotta get in there."
She didn't respond.
"Kenna?"
Still nothing.
"Seriously," he said. "Answer me."
"Give me a minute." Kenna flipped the faucet to turn the hot water on and pulled the plug to drain the water. Standing, she lifted the nob on the wall so water rained down from the showerhead.
She tilted her head back, letting the hot water flow down her hair and back. The gentle pelting sensation was oddly soothing as it massaged her tension. Tension she still couldn't seem to squash.
Spinning, she pulled the showerhead attachment down from the wall and guided the spray over her body-her breasts, hips, and stomach. Before getting to her thighs, she stopped midway, letting the consistent tap of water hit her where her ache persisted. Using her other hand, she opened herself to the spray, breathing a sigh of contentment as her tension began to build again-that incessant, never-ending reminder that Bear had left his mark where no other man could cure.
She needed release.
She caressed the spot, using the dual stimulation to give her what she needed again.
"Mmm," she moaned, eyes closing. "Just like that, Bear. Just like that."
Her hips pressed forward and back, her body needing it harder and faster. Rougher. The way he used to give it to her. She increased the pressure, but it wasn't enough.
Turning the dial on the showerhead, the flow of water immediately kicked up in intensity, hammering against her in the most delicious, erotic way.
"Oh." She clenched her teeth, trying not to cry out. Holding it back only heightened her pleasure. "Yes. Just. Like. That."
Her core clenched. Her breasts ached. She was so close.
That's when a sharp intake of air sounded from the other side of the bathroom.
She shrieked and released the showerhead. It dropped and clattered onto the tub, spraying water all over the room. Slamming a hand on the nozzle, she quickly turned the water off.
Bryan stood in the doorway staring at her with an expression of surprise that quickly morphed into extreme hunger. His hot-as-hell gaze coasted down her wet body from head to feet and back up. He stopped between her legs, staring as he licked his lips.
A small shudder rolled over her at the memory of how amazing it felt when he touched her there an hour ago.
"What are you doing?" she shrieked. "I said I needed a minute!"
He brought his gaze up to hers briefly. "Keep going."
She swallowed and glanced around the room.
"If you get that fucking hot imagining me touching you, then go on. Get yourself off."
She sniffed out a breath. "I'm fine. It was nothing. I was just-"
"Bullshit." He stepped into the room, kicking the door closed behind him.
Her heart zapped to attention, ramping up her pulse. The climb that had been building before he barged in was still there, waiting for release. She was dying for it.
Bear's hands landed on her hips where he hoisted her out of the tub, sitting her on the edge, facing him. He pressed her legs wide and stared down at her.
"Do it," he said, eyes ablaze. "Finish yourself off."
"I … No, I … I don't need … "
"I'll get you started." Without any warning, he inserted two fingers into her, forcing out that cry she'd been smothering. The muscles in his biceps worked as he drove in and out. Using his thumb, he circled her until she sighed and closed her eyes. Yep, that did it. She was building again, that quick.
He pulled his fingers away from her, making her whimper.
"Now, do it," he said in a low, steely voice. "You were right there. I could feel it. Give yourself the release."
Torture. It was absolute, blessed torture. She needed the relief. She was on the ledge, hanging over in search of freedom.
Fine. She'd give him what he wanted, only because it was going to give her what she needed. If he wasn't going to get her off, then she'd show him exactly what he'd been missing all these years. She'd remind him how it looked when she let go.
Kenna took a deep fortifying breath and slid a finger down her core, opening herself up to him.
He grunted with approval.
Circling the spot she'd touched before, she inserted two fingers from her other hand and began to work in tandem, hitting the areas she knew all too well for the quickest, most powerful finale.
His nostrils flared as he watched her, his own hand skimming down his body. He cupped himself on the outside of his shorts, gripping hard. He bit his lower lip. "Fuck, Kenna. You're even more beautiful right now."
Yes, and he'd chosen for her to satisfy herself, so she was going to make the most of it. Later, he could get himself off three times in row like she'd had to do. See how he liked that.
She pointed her toes and widened her legs, giving him an even more personal view. It wasn't going to take long. Between his intense expression and the pressure she was administering on herself, it was a perfect combination for a massive explosion.
He groaned, long and guttural. And he lowered his zipper. Pulling himself out of his shorts, he used his large hand to clutch his erection. Sliding slow and purposeful down his length, he focused on her hands.
Maybe this was what she'd needed. Not just imagining Bear with her, but him actually being here, showing her how much she affected him. He might've turned down sex earlier, but if he didn't want her right now, he was a damn good actor. His skin was flush. Muscles taut. That male instinct to jump her and finish her off was barely contained. She reveled in the anticipation that he might pull her against him, turn her around, and drive into her.