The Man I Want to Be (Under Covers)(15)

"Where were you before this? Were you guys at a different bar?" she asked.

He pulled a strand of her red hair over her shoulder, holding it between  his thick fingers. Playing with the ends, he said, "Nah. Luke's suite  has a kick-ass panoramic view of the ocean. We ordered a shit ton of  room service and were watching the fight on pay-per-view."

She pulled her hair out of his hold and flipped it over her shoulder,  pushing aside that long-ignored feeling of warmth his touch always  brought on. "Sounds like a good time."

"It was," he said, letting his hand fall. "Then those vagina suckers  wanted to come down here. It was the last round, too. Valdez was getting  ready to knock out Christenson."

"You could've stayed and finished watching the fight. You didn't have to join the other men, you know."

His gaze dropped to her mouth, and the ghost of a smile touched his lips. "Yeah, but I like what I'm watching now better."

She found herself staring at his mouth, too. Bringing her eyes up where they belonged, she eased back a few inches. "Bryan."

"What?"

"You know what," she said. "You can't make comments like that. You gave up that right when you-"

"Didn't come back." He pulled away from her, slamming his back against  the chair. "I got it. Can't I enjoy looking at you for five goddamn  seconds without you reminding me how bad I fucked up?"

Fucked up? So he was acknowledging that it was his fault. That he was the one who ruined things between them.

That he'd lost her.

She looked at him, noticing his posture was a little askew and his eyes glassy. "Have you been drinking?"

"Yeah, so? You gonna bitch at me for that, too? I don't need you telling me what to do, Kenna."

She got in his face. "You never did, you jackass."

He met her the rest of the way, bringing his confused expression closer  to hers. The tip of his nose brushed hers. "What are you saying, woman?"         

     



 

"You never listened to me in the past," she clarified. "Why start now?"

"Maybe I would've listened if you hadn't nagged me all the damn time."

She inhaled a sharp breath and shot backward. "I did not nag."

He raised his voice about four octaves, and said, "Bear, do this. Bear,  do that. Bear, you forgot to empty the trash again." He huffed a breath  and went back to his normal voice. "Every fucking day, woman. Sometimes a  man doesn't want to take out the trash. You ever think about that?  Maybe he just wants to sit and watch the game with a bowl of popcorn and  his hand down his pants without listening to his woman complain about  every single thing he didn't do right. Christ, Kenna. You'd think I was  never enough for you." His eyes were clouded from the effect of alcohol,  but his tone was strong and direct. He was serious.

She blanched, her face immediately going ice cold. "Of course you were. Why would you say that?"

He grunted with one side of his lip lifting cynically. "No reason."

Bryan started to turn away, but she gripped his arm. "Wait." When he  brought somber eyes up to hers, her insides hollowed. "Why did you just  say that?"

His expression was straightforward. He meant it. All this time, had he  really believed he wasn't enough for her? Was that why he'd stayed away?  Why he didn't come back? But that didn't make sense. She'd convinced  herself it was her. Somehow she wasn't enough.

"Bryan, you were always enough for me. You know that, right?" More than  enough, actually. Sometimes too much. There had never been anyone else  for her. He was it.

He grunted again and looked away. "Sure."

"You were," she insisted. "Why would you think otherwise? I mean, I know  we argued. God, how we argued. We're both hardheaded. We both want our  way all the time. But we always got past it, didn't we? That was no  reason to think we weren't good together."

He stared at the rest of the bridal party on the other side of the bar,  his chest rising and falling with labored breaths. "Forget it."

"No. I want to know." She had to ask if this was why he never came back.  If she didn't do it now, she'd always wonder. If that was the reason,  she had to know why. He'd never mentioned a problem with their  relationship while they were together. He'd proposed to her the evening  before he shipped out to basic training for crying out loud. If there'd  been a problem, why tie himself to her?

"Is that why you-" She stopped and cleared her throat. Her body started  to hum, blood seeming to rush through her veins faster. She'd waited so  long to confront him. To find out why he'd stayed away. The moment was  here, and it was almost crippling. "What I mean to say is … did you not  come back because you thought you weren't enough-"

"I said forget it!" he snapped, eyes wide and blazing.

She fell back a step from the force of his anger. She glanced around the  bar, but no one seemed to be watching them. The surrounding clatter of  noise must've drowned out the boom of his voice.

He sighed, running a hand over his crown, smoothing a few loose hairs.  "Jesus, Kenna. Can't you ever let anything go? Why do we have to rehash  our shit over and over again? We're over. Done. Get that through your  head, okay?"

Kenna advanced on him and tipped her chin up, gritting her teeth. "Oh, I  got that part loud and clear. You made damn sure of that, didn't you?  Don't worry, Bryan, that chapter of my life is closed and I've moved on.  Just like you wanted."

Kenna wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing she'd pined  for him for years. That she'd been unsatisfied with her own hands and  had refused to give up hope that one day he'd come back. She wasn't that  stupid, foolish girl in love anymore.

Surprise and hurt flashed across his face before he threw up a  stone-cold expression. "Good," he said, practically spitting the word  out. "You're right. It's exactly what I wanted." But something in the  taut set of his lips suggested he'd meant the opposite.

"I'm happy to oblige," she said. "You should know I'm happy. I have a  really good life without you. It's been great. Amazing, even."

A hint of sadness crossed his face before he glanced away. It made her  stomach drop. He'd hurt her with his words, so she'd wanted to do the  same to him. It's what they did. They could spar back and forth with the  best of them. But he'd never reacted this way before. It immediately  thawed her spitefulness.         

     



 

"Bryan." She laid a hand on his forearm, but he pulled away.

"Forget it," he said. "I'm gonna hang with the guys. Have a good night."

Before she could respond, he turned and marched to the bar, where the  rest of the wedding party gathered. Ash had his arm out, ready to  welcome his buddy into the celebration. Catching Bear's sour mood, Ash's  own smile faded and he glanced over at Kenna.

She attempted a grin, but it was phony, and she knew Ash noticed.

Guilt filled her. She should stop feeling sorry for herself, for the  loss of her relationship, and for the way she was treating Bear. It was  time to put the past behind her. What mattered was getting her mom's  ring back and making sure Sam had a perfect wedding week. She could put  aside her differences with Bear and make that happen.

No more moping. No more bitching.

Time to enjoy her week and not drag anyone else down.





Chapter Seven


"You okay, man?" Ash asked, throwing one arm around Tyke's shoulders and using the other to hand him a towering stein of beer.

Bryan gulped the cold liquid, hoping it would settle his nerves. "Yeah, I'm good. Why wouldn't I be?"

Ash chuckled lightly. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because your ex-fiancée  that you haven't seen in however many years just randomly showed up at  your best friends' wedding and put your dick in a twist."

Tyke threw a look at Ash. "My dick's not in a twist."

One lift of Ash's shoulder, then, "In a vice, then."

He didn't comment. It was the truth. Kenna had a strong hold on him, and  he wasn't sure whether he wanted her to squeeze tighter or let go.

I'm happy. I have a really good life without you.

It's what he'd wanted for her. What he'd hoped for. He'd never wanted  her broken up about him. Yet, hearing her say it out loud didn't give  him the satisfaction he thought it would. In fact, it hurt like a bitch.

A tiny glimmer of struggle would've made him feel better. Not because  he'd wanted her to suffer, but because there was some solace in knowing  she hurt as bad as he did. Instead, when she said it, her eyes were  clear and her voice strong. She really had been fine without him. He  sure as hell hadn't been fine without her. He still wasn't fine without  her. He wasn't sure he knew what fine felt like anymore.

Tyke watched as she approached the bar, sexy swing in her hips and  confident smile. She was a striking woman. The innocent girlish face he  remembered was gone. In its place was a fierce woman with arresting blue  eyes and sharp cheekbones. She used to wear a T-shirt and cutoffs,  which made his blood run more than hot, but now she wore pieces that  accented her curvy ass and full breasts. The tank top tonight was low  cut, giving him a healthy dose of cleavage to look at. The skirt was  just small enough to show off tanned, sculpted legs. It drove him crazy.  He wanted to lift the tiny fabric and touch her where he knew she'd  scream for more.