“Derek, I don’t need your pity or help. I’ll figure this all out.”
He sighed frustrated. “What woman were you talking about anyway?
“I work at the Café on Main. I saw you there. It’s none of my business, I don’t even know why I said anything.” She put her glass back in the sink. She heard him start to laugh.
She waited with crossed arms. “What exactly is so funny, Derek?”
“The blonde is my sister and she was making me take her shopping all over town that day. It was miserable.” He laughed for a moment longer. “I told you, Ciara, there’s been no one since you.”
They felt the air in the room change and Ciara knew he was behind her before she turned around. She felt his hand on her shoulder. She turned around to face him. She heard him whisper her name before he kissed her lightly. It was simple and sweet and she needed it. She felt his arms around her, careful to avoid where she was sore. Just feeling his arms around her was soothing.
“Come work for me, Ciara. I have plenty of stuff to do. I would pay you well enough that you can get a better place. I’ll keep it professional if that’s what you want.”
“Derek, you can’t just give me a job. You can’t just fix me and all of the problems I have. I admire that in you but you can’t.”
“The hell I can’t, Ciara, I’m not giving you money, I’m offering to give you a job. You’d be earning every penny.” He was looking down at her, almost pleading.
“Okay, Derek.” She gave him a slight smile.
“Good, now how much money do you want me to pay you?”
“Derek, really?!”
“I’m joking, I’ll work out something… enough to keep things going the way you need them.” Plus I can keep an eye on you. He thought it but knew better than to speak the words out loud. He took a step back from her. “Let’s get Antoine and go to lunch.” He gave her a smile before she had a chance to turn him down. “My treat, I need some company, you’d be doing me a favor.”
They made their way over to Rodney’s and the three of them set out to lunch. The affair was a fun time, even all of the worries she carried weren’t enough to keep her from laughing at the conversations between the three of them. Antoine was smiling and happy, something she hadn’t seen in a long time. It made her miss the way he was before. She looked over at Derek, who was now throwing a football at Antoine.
She knew it was no good, looking at him and thinking about him that way. They were too different, too complicated. No, they were better off as friends and co-workers. She would take the job offer, she would be a fool not to, but she would keep her distance. They both needed to move on and focus on something else. Seeing Tony happy reminded her what a good influence on him Derek was.
They stayed out longer than they anticipated. The sun was setting when they made it back to the apartment. Derek walked them up and saw to it that Tony was watching a show on television before he turned to her.
“I guess I need to get going.” He shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Thank you for a good day, Derek, Antoine has been… well, off lately, angry and upset. Today he was more like himself, because of you.” She walked him to the door.
“I love being around him, he is a good boy. I love being around you too, Ciara.” He smiled at her.
“Derek, we can’t…”
“I know, I know, we will be working together. What happened with us, Ciara, I mean, really?”
“We are just from different worlds, I guess, Derek. Sometimes it just happens.”
“Yeah, I guess. Good night, Ciara.” He kissed her hand before he turned and left her there.
Sleep was a long time in coming that night. She thought about his words and actions. Eventually she thought about his hands and being held in his arms. He did things to her, made her feel something she couldn’t keep hidden. With him, things were always complicated and she knew working together would be her biggest challenge yet. They needed to keep things on the right side of the line. When they were just friends, they were great. Anything more than that was too much. It was almost as if the emotions they had were too overwhelming. She drifted off to sleep that night, a part of her wishing she was in his arms once again.
***
The next two weeks were a whirlwind. She was currently working in his business office. It was good and complicated work, something she loved. She had two classes left to get her degree and she wouldn’t have to count on him giving her a job then. She could find something on her own and not force him to keep her on there. She loved working there, the staff was friendly, as the receptionist was gone from her initial run in.
She was behind the scenes, processing paperwork and insurance. She felt a sense of pride every day when she went to work. She was good at it and she felt good when she came home tired. Derek was in and around and she would catch a glimpse of him from time to time. It was one of the many perks of being there. She would be lying if she said she didn’t miss him. At work he was all business, she missed him the way he had been the day they had lunch and went to the park. Seeing him in that element made him even more appealing to her.
She glanced down at the papers in front of her. She had five minutes and she was done for the week. She would get her first paycheck and she couldn’t wait. She had filled out all of her paperwork when she was hired but she didn’t ask how much she was making. She didn’t want to seem too eager. That was the day she would find out. She wrapped up things at her desk and made her way to the business office in the front. They smiled and gave her an envelope and she made her way to the car.
She had promised Antoine they would go to dinner. Something cheap but fun. She ripped open the envelope and gasped hard. She took a deep breath and felt tears spring to her eyes. It was ridiculous. She made her way to her house before she called him. He answered right away as if he had been waiting on her call.
“Don’t say anything Ciara, before you start yelling at me let me try and explain.”
“Are you kidding me, Derek, really?” She was upset and she had every right to be.
“Ciara, just wait a second. Listen, come to this address. Just do it and I’ll explain?”
She hung up and plugged the address into her phone’s GPS. She would give him a piece of her mind once and for all. She called Miss Withers and made arrangements for her to sit with Antoine until she got home. She was too angry to notice where she was going. She maneuvered every twist the GPS spouted out to her without thought. Finally it stopped at a massive building. She parked her car and looked up. So that was where he lived. She sighed looking at the place, too big, too much, she shook her head and made her way into the building. She ran into a young man who was working at the desk in the front.
“Yes, can I help you, miss?” He gave her a look of distaste.
She crossed her arms self-consciously. “I need to know where Derek Baker’s place is.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, we can’t give out that information. If you’re a patient of his ,I’m sure he would take your call tomorrow. Now if there is nothing else, I’ll see you out.” He came around the corner and gave her a once over.
“No, I’m not leaving can you just tell him I’m here please? On second thought, I’ll call him myself.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed his number as the man prodded her toward the doors.
“Derek, this jackass down here won’t let me in the building. You know what, to hell with this!”
She shut the phone and stomped the rest of the way out of the building. She felt the tears well up but she refused to give in. It was just one more way she would never fit into his world. She slammed her car door shut and turned the engine over and nothing happened.
“Damn, not now, please just start for me.”
No matter how much she wanted to disappear, it wouldn’t start. She slapped the wheel in frustration. Everything she did fell apart. She glanced up and saw a fuming Derek headed towards her.
“Ciara, I’m so sorry, I took care of it.” She looked up at him.
“It doesn’t matter, Derek, I shouldn’t even be here. I’ll take this one check. I just need to move back home. Nothing is working for me here anymore.”
The tone of her voice must have pushed him.
“Ciara, get out of the car right now, you are not a quitter and you're coming upstairs to talk to me. I mean it, Ciara, let’s go.”
He was demanding but she didn’t care anymore. She was almost in a daze as she followed him into the elevator. He held her close to him, as if he knew she was different, that she was lost. She followed him, he helped her sit down and the last few months came crashing down on her all at once. She felt the tears well up and that time she let them fall. Deep sobs wracked her body. She leaned forward on her knees until she couldn’t hold herself up anymore. She felt his arms under her, lifting her. None of it mattered, all she wanted was to escape from the pain of it all. She felt herself gently placed on something soft.