He walked her to a chair by the door. “Sit here, Ciara, I mean it, just stay put. I’ll hang with Antoine for a bit and chat with people. No, don’t argue. I mean it, Ciara.” There was a finality to his tone that made her do as he asked.
Soon, people were headed home. The kitchen was full of food from all the women in the building who had shared some affection for her father. She smiled as she said goodbye to everyone. Antoine ran and gave her a hug goodbye as well. He was going to stay with a friend. She needed the time alone, to process. She turned around to face Derek.
“Derek, thank you for your help. I appreciate it.” She walked into the kitchen.
“Don’t do that, Ciara, don’t dismiss me. I know we had this… this thing between us, but it doesn’t change the fact that I care about you, and I cared about him too.”
“I know that.” She snapped at him and immediately sobered. “I’m sorry, I’m just so exhausted.” She slumped down in a chair.
“I’m right here, Ciara, let me help you. I’ll work on getting this stuff put up. Why don’t you go shower.” He watched her, she was not herself and it scared him.
“That’s a good idea, thank you.” Her actions were almost robotic and he knew she needed to feel.
She made her way into the heat of the water. It made her feel something and she welcomed it. If she could feel something… anything, it would be good. She felt the numbness surround her. He was gone and now she just had her and Tony. She eventually turned off the water and wrapped herself in a robe. She walked over to the dresser in her room and on it was a tie. It was the one she had pulled out of a stack in the laundry to fold and give to him. She picked it up and felt the numbness begin to crack. She let the pain rush in as the loss surrounded her and suddenly he was there. He held her tenderly as the sobs racked her body.
“I’m here, Ciara, it’s okay, just let it out baby, breathe. I’m here for you.” She curled up into his lap and he held her tightly.
Chapter Eleven – Derek
***Three weeks earlier***
He was going crazy, he had just stood there as she walked away. His mind kept him frozen to the spot but his heart was screaming at him to go after her and tell her the truth. The truth he didn’t even fully understand. He watched her enter the building and he slid back into the seat of his car. Tomorrow he would call her and explain, tomorrow he would make it right. He sighed as he made his way home. He should have stopped her, somehow made things better. He sipped from the glass in his hand. He missed her. He had just left her side, and the penthouse he once enjoyed seemed almost hollow. At the cabin, Ciara had filled the walls with sunshine. He didn’t even know he was missing out on it until he had been given a glimpse.
Days went by and despite his every effort, she wouldn’t talk to him. He called and sent texts until he knew she was serious. He would give her the space she wanted but it ripped him apart. He was falling for her, but he knew he couldn’t let it happen. How could he explain that to her, how could he show her it was for her own good he was putting some space between them. The cabin had changed them both and now they were struggling to regain balance. He couldn’t fix it, however, if she refused to talk to him. Even when he tried to catch her at her father’s appointments every Monday, she skillfully found a way to escape. It was too much and he stopped trying. No matter how much it hurt, it was what was best for her.
Mondays, as always, were busy and it went by faster than usual. He was making good progress in his therapy sessions and was actually starting to get some sleep. He felt better than he had in a long time. He went room to room doing his best to help people get well. It wasn’t until Wednesday that he realized that Ciara and her father hadn’t come on Monday. He shuffled through the paperwork and read the notes. He sat down hard. He was gone. His last thoughts were of Ciara as he looked up the information on the funeral. He only had twenty minutes to get there.
He saw her across the room. Her face was stricken and he could feel the pain coming off of her as if it was a burden he carried himself. He wanted to pick her up and hold her. He wanted to take away her pain but he was stuck being the “guy from her past”. He made his way to her, still watching her face. He saw her grip the counter top and it was all the reasoning he needed. He finally got to her and after a few minutes, he managed to get her settled. Now she was in the shower and he was carefully cleaning the kitchen. He wanted to comfort her somehow. She was alone in the world with Tony and he felt like he needed to do something to be there for her but how? He heard the noise coming from the bedroom and was in there in an instant. In her hand was a tie that she gripped as though her life depended on it. He grabbed her before she hit the ground and held her close. Her sobs wracked even through his body. He felt her pain and he spoke to her softly, cradling her in his arms. It was so little he could do but it was something. He rocked with her slightly until the early hours of the morning.
Chapter Twelve - Ciara
He had been there for her. She knew she had to move past where they had once been. Even if he was only a good friend to her, she would at the very least be that in return. He had smiled and hugged her before he left and they had finally found some common ground. There was nothing sexual in anything that had happened between them the night before. She had cried for hours until she was exhausted and he had tucked her into bed and watched over her. He really was a great guy. The next couple of weeks, they managed to talk at least once a day and things were very platonic. Both seemed content to have some kind of relationship and that was safe playing ground.
She glanced down at her phone and sighed. It was the third day that week. Surely not again. She walked outside the diner to answer and with a sigh, she went inside to tell them she needed to leave early again. Antoine was having a rough time at school and it was not like him at all. She knew she would get grief for this since it seemed to be a regular occurrence.
An hour later, she had Antoine at home and was confronting him about the week he was having.
“I just don’t understand, baby, you’ve never acted out, what is going on?”
“I don’t know, Momma, I just don’t want to go to school anymore. Everyone keeps asking about Grandpa.”
She felt her heart lurch in her chest. “I’m sorry, baby, but what would grandpa say about this? About you not going to school like this?”
She saw his face scrunch up and a tear slip down his cheek. “I’m sorry, Momma.”
She held him close and let a few tears slip down her own face as well. Everything was different. To be honest she wasn’t sure where to even start. After the schedule change and the time off, the diner had let her go. Now she had no job on top of everything else. That evening she picked up the newspaper she had purchased earlier. She began the age old task of circling ads and places to go the next day. She would have to find something quick, that was the most important thing. Derek called to say hello and she decided to keep the newest development to herself. There was no use in bringing him down with her latest issues. They chatted for a while, he shared some of his new developments as well. She went to bed that night hoping for new hope and guidance in finding the right path to help her take care of herself and Antoine.
***
The days grew longer and over the next two weeks Ciara had tried every outlet she could to find a new job. Derek was calling her regularly and finally she told him she needed some space.
“Ciara, I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine, Derek, I just need some time that’s all.”
“At least talk to me, Ciara, I care you know.”
“Goodbye, Derek.”
She felt her heart breaking at her own words but she knew it was time to let him go, let go of the dream they once had in that cabin. Her tension level was on high alert and nothing seemed to be going right anymore. It had only been a couple of weeks, and it was hard on her every day not to call him, to let him comfort her like he was so good at doing. She searched until she found a job working two days a week at a café but the cost of gas made that job not worth going to. It was on one of those days that she finally caught a break, and when she had to face the truth.
It was a long day already, the sun was beating down on her face as she made her way into the café. It took too long to get there and she had to leave an hour early just in case the car didn’t work. That day was especially bad since Antoine had a project due in school and she had to help him carry it before she left. She took a final look at her watch and rushed inside. Much later, she took out some trash and as she was sweeping the front walk, she heard his voice.
She didn’t want to look up, didn’t want to know who he was with but she couldn’t make herself stop. He was at the corner shop standing with a beautiful woman. She flung back her blonde hair and giggled at something he said. He looked tired but otherwise perfect. He held the elbow of the woman and together they walked away chatting happily. It was almost too much and she had to remind herself she was working. She hurried back inside and took a break. She needed to think and as she sat in her car, she let a few tears slip down her face.