“Well I talked to Alfred today and it seems that you already beat me to it.”
“He didn’t really tell me anything, Dahlia, and I don’t want you to be mad.”
“Well, you know that I will not be able to have children most likely, correct?”
He sobered up immediately, the smile on his lips fallen. “Yes.”
“So then the clause is for a child, not necessarily ours. There are several options and I was wondering how you felt about them?”
“Options? Are you sure you are ready to go down this road? I mean, it hasn’t even been a couple of weeks yet, Dahlia. I think we shouldn’t worry about any of that. We need to heal first.”
“I know, Charles, and I know that you lost something great that day too. It was our child and I know that there will never be anything to replace him or her, but I will admit, I had gotten used to the idea of having a child with you. I liked the idea of being a mother, a housewife and maybe more, so now that it's not happening the natural way, I can’t help but think of the other ways that this could happen.”
“So what did Alfred say were the options?”
He didn’t like the sound of the conversation. There was no other way he wanted to have children with her and he was surprised at how quickly she could switch gears. He was not ready to talk about those things, but it appeared his wife was.
“We can do a surrogate or adopt. I think adoption would be the best because I don’t like the idea of our child in someone else. There are many children that need to be adopted and I think that is the way to go.”
Charles didn’t know what to say. The last thing he wanted to do was give up on them having a child, but she was fiercely determined by the set of her jaw. She needed this and maybe they both did. Charles needed some more time, but it did not look like it was going to happen. “Are you sure you don’t want to take some time to really think about this?”
“What do you think I have been thinking of all this time in bed? I have thought of our child, James and what happens next. I don’t want to run a business, but a house and a family. Life is far too short to just work your life away, Charles. Don’t you want to share our love with someone else? I know you will be such a good father and it was what we had originally agreed to, to have at least one child.”
“Yes, but I thought we were past the agreement now Dahlia. I love you and it is no longer just an agreement to me. This is what I have always wanted, real love, and of course I want to have children with you. You will make an amazing mom, but I think you're just moving too fast.”
“Says the man who married me in under a week?”
“Says the husband that loves you more than he loves himself. I know that because you have no parents, you need family, but is this really the way?”
“Well I can just tell Alfred to sign my company over to the charity then and give it all up. Is that what you want?”
“You just said that you don’t care about your job. You are just making no sense, Dahlia.”
Dahlia didn’t want to hear his words. She knew she was being rash, but she needed to do something to get the aching feeling left by the miscarriage out of her. When she looked at his face, it wasn’t anger she saw, but confusion and worry.
“I know I'm not making much sense, Charles, but I don’t know how to explain it. I need a child, Charles. Need.”
“If that's what you need, you know I will agree to anything. If you want to surrogate, we can do that or we can adopt. I just want you to be happy and like you, I have been thinking about what it would be like to have a family and I was really warming up to the idea. I didn’t think I would ever want kids to be honest, but with you, I know it would be great.”
It was exactly what she wanted to hear, which made her nervous. Every time she thought things were going to go the way she wanted, something happened. When she had been accepted to the school of her choice, her mother died a week later. With her father, it was like as soon as he started trusting her and depending on her with the business, he died. Then the miscarriage. Dahlia was afraid to want or love anything in fear that it would be taken away. There was no worse feeling than knowing that for everything good that happened in her life, there was the paranoid notion that it would be ripped away.
“Are you sure?”
“Are you?”
“Stop answering my questions with questions. Are you sure? Because it will happen fast once you agree.”
He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “I have learned everything with you is fast.”
She went to him, her arms wrapping around the familiar neck and bringing about the same feelings that touching him always did. “But you're not so fast sometimes. Sometimes you take too long and I have to push you in the right direction.”
Charles felt the warm body next to him and though he hated the conversation, there was nothing else he could do. He had a feeling in his gut that the doctors were wrong, but he didn’t voice his opinions. Soon his wife had him forgetting everything but the luscious body next to him. He took her slowly, without the rush that had been felt at his office. There was nothing more that he wanted but to take his time and enjoy the moment.
He realized that with what had happened to her, she really believed that life was short. Every moment became more important and as he held her that night, he wanted to squeeze her tight, never wanting to let go. In the first time in a long time, Charles prayed for some kind of peace for them. If not for him, at least for Dahlia. He hated to see her hurting and although she was putting on a brave front, he knew that she was as crushed as he was.
***
The next morning, Dahlia was up before he was and online looking into adoption. She knew she was probably moving too fast. Dahlia needed time to heal mentally, as well as physically, but there was a drive in her that she could not shut off. Charles found her at the kitchen table, scrolling through adoption sites in the area. There were many and she wanted to know if he would be able to go with her.
“Not today, the merger is going through today. Are you going in?”
Dahlia shook her head that she wasn’t, her eyes barely leaving the screen when he kissed her on her cheek. “I’m not going to come home to a kid here, am I?”
“No honey, I will at least call you first. Do you want to adopt a baby or a child? There are so many kids that need good homes. You should read some of these stories, Charles. I want them all, this is so heartbreaking.”
Charles turned her towards him. “It’s okay.” He saw the tears staining her face and his heart reached out to her. Maybe he needed to stay home with her a while longer. “Do you want me to stay home today?”
“Baby, I'm fine. Just emotional. I know it is kind of crazy, but I have to move forward. I can’t think about the past anymore. You know?”
He tried, but Charles still felt that she was not acting herself. Her look sent him on his way and he wondered if when he got back, she will have already made a nursery and finished the paperwork. He knew that if she really wanted to, she would.
Dahlia was not as worried about her attitude. She was a pragmatist and to her, action was therapy. She watched him leave, seeing the look of concern in his eyes. There was a concern that she may do something drastic. She was, but not what he thought she was going to do.
Turning off the website, she went to get ready. Her mind was cleared and yes, it would be drastic. Life was too short to worry about anything that wasn’t important. She needed to let go of the things that were weighing her down. It was as if she had been reborn.
Looking in the mirror, she decided that maybe she needed a big change on the outside as well. Looking at the long braids that she had had in her hair for years, she pulled them all back, imagining that all of the hair was gone. Yes, it would be drastic.
***
Charles got home a little earlier than he had expected. When he was usually home at five, it was not even four when he walked in. There was a smell in the air and he decided he liked coming home to that. Her in the kitchen and then the idea of a child running around made him smile. He too, was still in the parent mode that her pregnancy had brought out in him.
He called her name, but she didn’t answer back. He walking through the kitchen and saw something baking in the oven. Charles called her name again then listened for a moment to the silence. As he walked towards the stairs, he heard the shower going. Through the tempered glass, he could see his wife’s backside. It was unmistakable and he had an immediate tightening in his pants. She was turned away from him, so instead of saying anything, he pulled off his shirt slowly. His slacks were next. Stepping out of them, he pulled off the rest of his clothing and opened the door slowly. Dahlia had started humming and it was only when he was next to her in the large stall that he realized her hair was gone.
His eyes were so fixated on the curved shape of her round ass, that he couldn’t be bothered to look elsewhere. It was the part of her body that he dreamed about almost every night and saw when he closed his eyes. Charles forgot about his sneak attack, she was still unaware of him. “What have you done to your hair?!”