I looked good. I looked like someone I’d never wanted to be.
“Sweetheart?” His voice came from the door.
“I’m ready,” I said. I folded jeans, a t-shirt and a jacket under my bed as well. I glanced at my running shoes and left the room.
Elijah was wearing a clean suit and he smelled like soap and aftershave. But I could still smell the whiskey hanging between us, and I fought the urge to crinkle my nose. He looked me up and down and smiled.
“You look beautiful,” he said. “I’ve always loved red on you.” He looked at me. “I’m sorry,” he added. He put his hands on my cheeks and I felt trapped. I forced a smile. “You know I would never hurt you, right?”
I nodded slightly. Maybe the amnesiac Grace would have believed that. But I remembered. I remembered it all, and Elijah was lying through his teeth to get me to love him again. Everything he’d done since the moment I’d woken up in the hospital was to make up for what he’d done to me, to never let me know what had happened. To make me think nothing like that could ever happen.
He put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, leaning in for a kiss. Whiskey wafted over me and I held my breath, steeling myself against the kiss. He pressed his lips against mine, harder than was comfortable, but I didn’t complain.
He was still drunk. A hot shower did nothing for alcohol in the blood.
I kissed him back so he wouldn’t ask questions. When he let me go, a silly grin was plastered across his face. He took my hand and led me down the hallway toward the dining room.
He’d probably meant it in a romantic way, us holding hands on the way to supper. But it felt to me like he was holding on to me so that I couldn’t get away.
Everything I’d wondered about since I’d come from the hospital suddenly fell into place. His statement that it didn’t matter if I didn’t remember, that we could start over. Start over. It would have been easier for him that way. Convenient if his worst sins could just be forgotten.
We sat down and dished up from the silver dishes in the middle of the table. It was lamb stew with white rice and vegetables. I took a bite and Elijah kept commenting how delicious it was, but I couldn’t taste it. My throat was tight from nerves and I struggled to swallow. The food turned to sand in my mouth and I swallowed hard to get every bite down.
“I was thinking we should get away for a while,” Elijah said. “Just you and me, leave all of this behind and just escape for a bit.”
There was no way I was going to go anywhere with him. Not alone. Not even with people.
“That sounds nice,” I said, keeping my eyes carefully on my food. “Where were you thinking to go?”
“The Bahamas. We haven’t had a good holiday in a long time and I think there’s just been too much tension around here lately.”
Oh, I agreed.
“Maybe next week? I’ll make sure the company is ready for a leave of absence.”
I nodded. I wasn’t going to be here next week. He could plan all he wanted.
“Yes,” he confirmed to himself. “That’s exactly what we need.”
The rest of supper was filled with trivial small talk. I was careful to sound cheerful and agreeable all the time, and Elijah talked a lot. I knew he became talkative when he drank. It was easier to hide things when I didn’t need to do much talking.
When supper was over, Elijah got up and held his hand out to me. I hesitated before I took it. He pulled me up and led me out of the dining room, back toward the main bedroom. When we were inside the door, he kissed me. I kissed him back, but after a few seconds I broke the kiss. The taste of whiskey was still there, despite the food, and it made me feel sick.
“How about a drink?” I asked. “I could do with some alcohol. Just to loosen up.”
He nodded and smiled and disappeared. I took a deep breath. It was dangerous to give him more alcohol, but I hoped that it would push him far enough to pass out. He’d eaten now, his stomach was full and he’d had a lot to drink already. Maybe if I pushed him long enough he would go over the limit and fall asleep. I hoped that would happen before anything happened between us.
Elijah returned. He had a glass of wine and a whiskey tumbler. He handed me the wine and I took it from him, sipped the red liquid. I didn’t really want to drink.
He gulped down his whiskey and put the empty tumbler down on the nightstand. He sat down on the bed and patted it so I would sit down next to him. I walked to the bed and sat down. He shifted closer and put his arm around my shoulders.
“I really missed you,” he said and pulled me closer to him, kissing me. The taste of whiskey was overpowering. He lifted his other hand and put it on my breast. My skin burned where he touched me and I wanted to shrug out from underneath him.
“Baby, let me have some more wine first,” I said when I broke the kiss. He looked at me, and nodded, dropping his hand. I kicked off my heels and shimmied back on the bed until I was lying against the pillows. Elijah did the same and we looked at each other.
“I’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” Elijah said and smiled at me. I took another sip of wine so I didn’t have to answer.
“How are you feeling?” he asked. He put his head down on the pillow and closed his eyes for a moment. The bed was getting to him.
“I’m doing alright. Things are always confusing but I think I’m getting the hang of it. After we get back from our holiday I’d really love to go back to work.”
“Oh, that’s not necessary,” Elijah said. “Why don’t you stay home? Rosa can take care of you and the company will be okay.”
He was trying to keep me here, hold onto me so that he wouldn’t lose me again. It felt more and more like a jail.
“I can’t do nothing with my time,” I started but caught myself before I put up an argument. “But I’m sure I can find a hobby.”
He smiled at me and closed his eyes again. I put my hand on his and he sighed. His eyes stayed closed, and a moment later his breathing changed. It became slow and heavy.
“Elijah?” I asked and nudged his hand. He didn’t wake up. “Elijah,” I said again and shook his shoulder. He made a small ‘hmm’ sound but didn’t wake up. I put the wine glass on the nightstand next to his empty glass and slowly slid off the bed. I picked up my heels and tiptoed toward the door with them in my hands. I closed the door and stood in the passage, looking at it. Rosa appeared next to me.
“Two hours,” I said. “Then I’m leaving.”
She nodded and turned away.
It was almost midnight when I got the suitcase out from underneath the bed. It wasn’t too heavy to carry, and it had wheels so I could drag it over smooth terrain. I’d changed into the jeans, t-shirt and jacket and I wore the running shoes. Rosa met me in the kitchen.
“Come with me,” she said and I followed her through the kitchen and out the kitchen door. I’d never seen this side of the house before. She led me through a wash room and then she unlocked a heavy wooden door. When she opened it, it opened onto a service street that was blocked off from the neighborhood with chicken mesh.
“If you follow this road down that way,” she said, pointing, “you will come out on the street behind this one. Then follow it down until you hit the main road, and you’ll be fine.”
I hugged her.
“Thank you for everything,” I said.
“Get out of here before he wakes up,” she said and held the door open for me. I stepped into the narrow road and the door closed behind me, the locks sliding into place. I took a deep breath. I was out. This was it. It was happening.
I did what Rosa had said and made my way to the road, and then followed it to the main road. It was further on foot that I’d thought and by the time I reached the main road I was breathing hard. I stopped to catch my breath and strained my ears to listen into the night.
Everything was quiet. There was no one out and the moon was just a thin slice of silver in the sky. I was hidden by the natural darkness of night.
I kept walking. When I hit the area I knew better I turned left and followed the winding road. I couldn’t go anywhere Elijah would find me. And I didn’t know a lot of places he wouldn’t look. But there was one place where he would never find me. It was a risk, but I walked to the porch, climbed the steps to the front door, and knocked on the door.
It took minutes of hammering and calling until the light on the other side of the door clicked on.
“Coming, coming,” a sleepy voice murmured. The door opened and Evelyn stood in front of me. I knew Justin’s sister well enough to be able to stand in front of her now.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. Her voice wasn’t friendly and I knew she might not be on my side. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell her I just needed a bed for the night. But instead of words a sob escaped, and the next thing I knew I broke down and cried.
Chapter 20 - Elijah
I woke up with the sun in my eyes through a crack in the curtains and a splitting headache. I swore and sat up, grabbing onto my head and trying to keep the two halves together.