The Love Sucks Club(57)

Leaning back in her chair, Sam crosses her hands behind her head and closes her eyes. “I really do have a way with women, don’t I?”

“To be fair, I didn’t think you were that bad.”

“I hurt her feelings. I kind of feel bad.”

“And now we have to pay the bill. Thanks a lot.”

“And by we, I think you mean you. I don’t have any money until I get paid tomorrow.”

Sighing, I reach for my wallet. “Of course you don’t.”

I signal for the bill and hand over my credit card to the waiter. He brings it back and I leave an overly generous tip to make up for the drama. Looking across the room as we stand to leave, I see Mandy slide over onto Vicki’s lap. She’s full on grinding against her. We have to walk past them to leave. As we get close to their table, Sam stops mid-step and stares at them with her mouth hanging open. The manager of the restaurant tears over to their table and taps Mandy on the shoulder. “This is not appropriate behavior.”

“Oh please,” Mandy says. “You’re just saying that because we’re women. If we were a hetero couple, you wouldn’t have a problem with this.”

“I have a problem with inappropriate behavior in my restaurant. I don’t care who you are.”

Vicki starts trying to release herself from Mandy. “Look, I’m sorry. I got a little tipsy.”

“Just pay your bill and leave,” he says.

Mandy rears back and glares at him without releasing her grip on Vicki. “I could sue you for discrimination.”

Sam laughs loud enough that everyone involved in the strange situation turns to stare at her. Mandy narrows her eyes as she catches sight of us. “You two should be involved in this,” she says, extricating herself from Vicki’s lap. Standing up in a huff, she yanks down her skirt which has gotten bunched up around her hips. “This man is discriminating against our people.”

“Mandy, we are so not your people,” Sam snorts. “Your people are at The Pit having a contest to see who can fit the most peanuts into their mouths at one time.”

“One of them will choke to death and his last words will have been, ‘Hey honey, watch this.’” I add.

“God, you’re so funny,” she screeches.

Pulling herself to her feet, Vicki stands in front of me. She towers over me by about four inches and outweighs me by about eighty pounds. She looks like my old middle school gym teacher. She turns her back on me and motions to the manager of the restaurant. As she fumbles for her wallet to pay the bill, Sam and I make a quick departure.

“Hey,” I hear her call from behind us, “I want to talk to you.”

Ignoring her, I drag Sam by the arm. When we get to the truck, we jump in and Sam takes off.

“Never let it be said that we run away from a fight,” Sam gasps, laughing.

“We didn’t run away. We walked away quickly.”

“Yes, I was practicing for the speed-walkers race at the mall.”

Laughing again, I reach over and smack her on the arm. “We’ve managed to piss off four women this evening. Is that a new record?”’

“Not for me,” she says, shaking her head.

“I think you should probably apologize to Olivia.”

“Yeah, I’ll call her after I drop you off.” She fiddles with the radio until she finds a country song that she likes. “I really don’t hate Olivia, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

She pulls up in front of my house and I pat her on the shoulder. “Call me tomorrow and let me know if you’ve made up with Olivia.”

“And let me know if you make up with Susannah,” she says.

“Please. She’s my sister. We fight all the time and it’s forgotten by the next time we talk.”

“I wish all women were like that.”

“No you don’t.”

She pulls off and leaves me alone in my yard. Staring across the yard toward the sea, I’m struck again by how beautiful it is. Even in the dark, I can see the whitecaps on the waves and I can almost hear them from all the way up here. Tempted by the starlight reflecting on the water, I wander up toward the front of the house and climb the outside stairs to the deck. Plopping down into a porch chair, I lean back and prop up my feet. Lost in the waves, I try to clear my mind of everything that has been going on in my life. Jackie’s face appears and I turn it into a puff of smoke and watch it drift away. The same thing happens with Esmé and Susannah and Brad and Dr. B and the small fear that I might be wearing a tumor on my brain. They all turn to smoke and dissipate. The fog comes over me again and this time I let it.