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The Love Sucks Club(56)

By:Beth Burnett


“What isn’t?” Susannah asks with her mouth full.

“This is an expensive meal,” I tell her. “Shouldn’t you be savoring it instead of stuffing it in your mouth?”

She picks up a slimy-looking piece of fish and waves it around in front of me.

“You’re disgusting,” I say.

Sam swings her head in the direction of the women across the restaurant. “Are you bothered by that?”

“A little. I don’t know why, though. I guess it’s just that all of her other faults aside, Jackie was never a cheater.”

“Oh my God!” Sam holds her fingers up in the shape of a cross. “You said her name!”

“Oh grow up, Sam!” Olivia glances across at the women again. “It’s about time Dana stopped calling her Voldemort. I mean, what are you? Twelve?”

Sam shakes her head. “Why does everyone keep saying that about us?”

Susannah pops another piece of sushi in her mouth and sighs. “God, this is delicious.”

I force myself to eat several more bites before allowing myself to look back at the women. Mandy is falling out of her shirt. I swear we are about to witness a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of the restaurant. Catching my eye, Sam grins and looks back to the women. Vicki has one arm around Mandy. With her other hand, she is running her fingers over and into Mandy’s extensive cleavage.

“Oh my!” Olivia is shocked. “That hardly seems appropriate.”

“Well, Mandy is used to going to the Pit on her dates,” Sam says. “This kind of behavior is not only tolerated, but welcomed there.”

Popping the last piece of sushi into her mouth, Susannah laughs. “I once saw a guy shaving his dog at The Pit.”

Reeling back, Sam almost chokes on her last French fry. “Is that a euphemism?”

“No. I mean, he was literally shaving his dog. He had clippers plugged into the wall and he was using them to shave his dog.”

“Dogs aren’t allowed in public restaurants,” Olivia exclaims.

“The fact that there was a dog in the place is probably the least offensive part of the whole thing,” I laugh.

“In his defense, he was cleaning up the hair as he went,” Susannah adds.

I can’t quite wrap my mind around the entire situation. “That’s something, I suppose.

”Well, I think the Pit is awesome,” Sam grins. “And obviously Olivia doesn’t have a problem with it since she was there with her hot date the other night.”

Sam and I both laugh. Olivia kicks Sam under the table. “Fuck you, Sam.”

“Aw, come on, Olivia. Seriously. You make fun of me all of the time. I can’t say one thing about you going out with Ron Jeremy?”

“Why do you have to pick on me so much”

“You make it so easy,” Sam says.

“You’re just such an asshole about it.”

“You’re an asshole to me. You just take everything so personally. It’s like you have to be so fucking dramatic all of the time. If you broke a nail, you’d go wailing to Susannah and demand bandages and some codeine. You’re a drama queen and you want everyone to know it.”

Olivia stands up, glaring. “Have you ever considered that what you call drama, I call feeling? Yes, I feel things? Yes, I cry over things.” Her eyes start tearing up and Sam looks uncomfortable. “I’m sensitive. I’m afraid. And I don’t want to have to face these things on my own. Should I know how to change my own tire? Yes. Does it make everything better to know that I have a friend who will come and stand by me when something unexpected like that happens? Yes.” She’s full on crying now. Sam stands up, too, and puts her hand awkwardly on Olivia’s shoulder.

“Look, I’m so...”

Olivia interrupts her. “You’re so sure of yourself and your place in this world. You know how to do stuff and you aren’t afraid of anything. It’s easy to take things lightly when you aren’t afraid. Well, I’ve been beat up and assaulted and stepped on and laughed at and treated like a little girl who can’t do anything for herself and if I’m going to be treated like shit, I’m going to get something out of it!”

She stalks out of the restaurant. The people at the next table are glaring over at us. “Mind your own business,” Sam tells them. The woman mutters something to the man and they both shake their heads.

Standing up, Susannah throws her napkin down on the table. “Thanks a lot, you two. Really. I hope you feel really great about yourselves.”

She starts for the door. “And you can pay the damn bill,” she tosses over her shoulder.