“I’d love to.” Esmé smiles at Sam, and turns to me. “I don’t have any ill feelings toward you.”
“You should.”
She pauses for a moment. Leaning down to whisper in my ear, she says, “My dreams come true sometimes, too.”
She walks away. Karen and Sam watch her go, but I keep my eyes on the table. Oblivious, Karen says, “Do you think she was surprised that I have a husband?”
“Why would she be?” Sam asks.
“Well, I’m hanging out with a couple of known homosexuals.”
“Lesbianism is contagious,” Sam laughs.
“You do look like a dyke,” I say.
“How so?” Karen is affronted.
Sam snorts into her beer. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between soccer moms and LPGA.”
Chuckling, I give Karen the once over. With her plaid culottes and her pale yellow polo shirt, I have to say that she does kind of have a lesbian golfer thing going on. The ever-present visor just adds to the image.
“Whatever.” Karen takes her visor off and squints against the sun. “Lesbians always want everyone else to be gay.”
“Hardly,” Sam scoffs. “We only want the hotties to be gay.”
“Calm down, Karen,” I say, seriously. “I never said you were gay, just that you look gay.”
Snorting again, Sam gives me a high five. Karen shakes her head in disgust and puts her visor back on.
“You two can have your little jokes. I need to get home anyway. Rick should be home soon and I want to cook him a nice meal tonight.”
“Happy housewife,” Sam chirps.
“I’d rather be a happy housewife than a miserable, lonely dyke who uses sarcasm to cover her sadness,” Karen retorts before tossing a couple of dollars down on the table and walking out.
“Wow,” I say, watching her go. “So which one of us is the miserable, lonely dyke?”
Sam shrugs. “Well, I’d guess it would be you. I mean, sure I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism and I haven’t had sex in six months and I’m in love with someone who’d rather give a blow job than be with me, but hey, I’m not miserable.”
“I’m not miserable. I live alone by choice.”
“Yeah, but you haven’t had sex in three years.”
“Sad since I’ve only been single for nine months.”
Laughing, Sam pops open another beer and reaches for some fries. “You do have an awesome best friend.”
“The best.”
“And you live in a cool house.”
“With a cool cat.”
She nods. “You have enough money to pay the mortgage, buy cat food, and occasionally rent a movie.”
“I live on a beautiful island.”
“Which only gets the occasional hurricane.”
“And I only run out of water in the cistern a few times a year.”
“And sometimes, the broccoli at the grocery store is actually green.”
Nodding, I smile at her. “So how bad can my life actually be?”
“I mean, just because we started a group called The Love Sucks Club.”
“Well, love does suck.”
She nods, “I’m not saying it doesn’t. I’m just allowing as to how some unenlightened people might consider us bitter because of the name of our club.”
“Karen has the best husband in the world. She can’t possibly understand.”
“I think Karen is just frustrated because she’s a closet lesbian.”
“You really do think everyone is a closet lesbian. You need to focus on dating actual lesbians and you’ll soon be able to tell the difference.”
She waves her hand in the direction of the door. “Drinkers, ten ‘clock.”
Since I like to watch the beach, my back is to the street entrance. Pretending nonchalance, I keep my eyes on Sam, resisting the urge to look over my shoulder. “Is Voldemort with them?”
She scans the group quickly. “Nope, but her new girlfriend is. Maybe we should go.”
“Fuck that. They’re not scaring me off.”
“I didn’t say anything about being scared. I just don’t want to have to deal with she-who-shall-not-be-named today.”
Grinning, I roll my eyes. “It’s so mature to call her Voldemort, isn’t it?”
“Mature or not, it’s hilarious, and totally appropriate.”
“Remember that time I was talking about her to Barb and I referred to her by her actual name and Barb was like, who the hell are you talking about?”
She shakes her head. A shrill scream from the bar catches my attention and I finally have to look. A group of the drinkers are doing shots at one end of the bar. The bartender, Dave, is doing a shot with them. The bartenders on this island are a strange bunch, too. Some of them are just doing their jobs and trying to make a living. Some are just doing it to get as many free shots as they can possibly get. Although The Sunrise Grill usually hires competent bartenders, Dave is the latter, obviously. Now that the drinking crowd is here, he is going to be absolutely worthless in an hour. We might as well head out before the service goes completely downhill. Voldemort’s new girlfriend, a chubby woman with humongous breasts that always seem in danger of falling out of her shirts, is doing a dirty dancing slide down some dude’s body as he chugs a beer. A couple of the other drinkers are cheering her on. One guy is standing behind her, spanking her ass as she gyrates against the other dude.