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The Love Sucks Club(15)

By:Beth Burnett


“At least I brought something,” Sam retorts.

“I didn’t even know we were coming here until a few minutes before Susannah picked me up.”

I pick up a handful of chips and throw a couple in my mouth. “The single butch dyke always brings the chips.”

“You’re single and butch,” Olivia says. “You seem to know your way around a kitchen.”

“How about you, Olivia?” Sam sits up again. “Do you know how to cook?”

“Oh God,” she rolls her eyes back. “I was trying to make a quiche for my ex-boyfriend. I took it out of the oven and place it on the stove top. In the meantime, I turned on the front burner to steam some vegetables. Apparently I turned on the wrong burner and next thing I knew, the burner under the glass bakeware was bright red and glowing. I panicked and grabbed my pot holders and lifted the quiche off the burner. When I turned away from the stove, the glass exploded and hot glass and quiche went everywhere. I was burned. There were scorch marks on the wall. Oh, and there was a huge burn in the kitchen carpet.”

“Well, who has carpet in their kitchen?” Sam says.

“It was a terrifying moment, Sam.”

“Olivia, you think every moment is terrifying or horrifying or death-defying or something fy-ing.”

“Just because I react to life,” she spits out, her face red.

Sam waves a hand dismissively. “You OVER-react to life.”

Laughing, I join the conversation. “Oh yeah. I remember that time I walked into Susannah’s apartment and you were sitting in front of the television, sobbing your head off over the ending of Pretty Woman.”

“Jesus, Olivia,” Sam states. “She’s a fucking hooker.”

“Or that time your date didn’t show and you didn’t leave your apartment for three days.” I’m on a roll now.

Sam chuckles. “That time your car got scratched in the parking lot of K-mart and you came into the bar bawling your head off. I thought someone had been killed.”

“Oh yeah,” I say, pointing at Sam. “I remember that. She ordered a shot of whiskey and downed it, still crying.”

Susannah is getting pissed. “That’s enough.”

“What?” I spread my arms innocently. “We’re just joking around.”

Ignoring me, Susannah turns to Olivia. “I wouldn’t take too seriously the opinions of women who belong to a social club called The Love Sucks Club, membership two.”

I feign hurt. “We have three members!”

“We aren’t just members,” Sam states. “We’re the presidents!”

“You two think you’re so funny, but you’re not. You’re assholes.” Olivia is blinking back tears and I feel a little bad.

“Okay, I’m sorry. We’ll stop.”

“Fine, fine,” Sam grumbles. “Stop being so damn sensitive. We’re just messing around.”

“Yeah, really,” I add. “I make fun of Sam all of the time and you don’t hear her complaining about it.”

“Well, there’s a lot to make fun of,” Susannah says.

We manage to make it through dinner without any more incidents. As we’re cleaning up the dishes, Sam says, “Let’s get rid of Olivia and Susannah and go to The Grill.”

“I’ll go down to The Grill, but I doubt you’re going to get rid of Olivia and Susannah that easily.”

I was right. Susannah and Olivia want to go, as well. They head off in Susannah’s jeep and Sam and I get into her truck. “I told you so,” I say, as we maneuver down the hill.

“Whatever,” she says, shrugging. “I like your sister. It’s Olivia I could do without.”

“Maybe she wouldn’t be so annoying if you hadn’t fucked her that time.”

“True. I’m so good in bed, they hate me when I stop.”

Snorting, I roll my eyes at her. We walk into the restaurant and spy Susannah and Olivia sitting at a table with Esmé. Turning my back on them, I look at the bar. Karen and her husband, Rick, are sitting on bar stools. Rick orders a beer for Sam and an iced tea for me.

“Sam, don’t you ever get tired of carting Dana’s ass around town?” Karen asks.

Ignoring the hint of nastiness in the question, Sam responds genuinely. “No. I don’t. And I never get tired of filling up my truck for free on Dana’s credit at the gas station.”

“Not that our deal is any of your business,” I add.

Changing the subject, Rick interrupts. “So, are you two geared up for our big end of season party?”

“Even the hermit is looking forward to it,” Sam answers, gesturing toward me.