He trailed off, and though he was telling the story without emotion, Sophia could feel her own heart beginning to speed up as she tried to picture his injuries.
“My mom… she did what most moms would do, right? She did whatever she could to make sure I got the best care possible. But the thing is, I didn’t have health insurance – bull riders can’t really get it, because of how dangerous riding is. Or, at least, they couldn’t back then. The tour provides minimal coverage, but it was nowhere near enough to cover the cost of my hospital care. So my mom had to mortgage the ranch.” He paused, suddenly looking older than his years. “The terms weren’t great, and the rates are going to readjust next summer. And the ranch doesn’t have enough income to cover those upcoming loan payments. We can barely meet them now. We’ve been doing everything we can this past year to figure out how to squeeze some more money out of the place, but it’s just not working. We’re not even close.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means we’re going to have to sell it. Or in the end, the bank is going to take it. And this is the only life my mom knows. She built the business, and she’s lived on the ranch her entire life…” He let out a long exhale before going on. “She’s fifty-five years old. Where would she go? What would she do? Me, I’m young. I can go anywhere. But for her to lose everything? Because of me? I just can’t do that to her. I won’t.”
“Which is why you started riding again,” Sophia said.
“Yeah,” he admitted. “It’ll help cover the payments, and with a few good years, I can make a dent in what we owe, so that we can get the principal down to something manageable.”
Sophia brought her knees up. “Then why doesn’t she want you to ride?”
Luke seemed to choose his words carefully. “She doesn’t want me to get hurt again. But what other choice do I have? I don’t even want to ride anymore… it’s not the same for me. But I don’t know what else to do. As best I can figure, we can last until June, maybe July. And then…”
The guilt and anguish in his expression made her chest constrict.
“Maybe you’ll find that other pasture you need.”
“Maybe,” he said, sounding less than sure. “Anyway, that’s what’s going on with the ranch. It’s not all that pretty. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to bring you here. Because being here with you meant that I didn’t have to think about it. I didn’t have to worry. All I’ve done since I’ve been here is think about you and how glad I am that you’re with me.”
Just as he’d predicted, one of the horses outside let out a long neigh. The room was growing cooler, the cold mountain air seeping through the windows and the walls.
“I should probably check our dinner,” he said. “Make sure it’s not burning.”
With reluctance, Sophia sat up, letting Luke squeeze past. The guilt he felt at his role in jeopardizing the ranch was so genuine, so evident, that she found herself rising from the couch to follow. She needed him to know that she was here to comfort him, not because he needed her to, but because she wanted to. The love she felt for him altered everything, and she wanted him to feel that.
He was stirring the chili when she came up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist. He stood straighter and she squeezed him lightly before loosening her grip. He turned around and pulled her close. Their bodies came together then, and she leaned into him. For a long time, they simply held each other.
He felt so good to her. She could feel his heart beating in his chest, could hear the gentle rhythm of his breaths. She tucked her face into his neck, inhaling his scent, and as she did, she felt desire flooding her body in a way she had never experienced before. She slowly kissed his neck, listening to his rapid breath.
“I love you, Sophia,” he whispered.
“I love you, too, Luke,” she whispered back as his face inched closer to hers. Her only thought as they began to kiss was that this was the way it should always be, forever. Hesitant at first, their kisses became more passionate, and when she raised her eyes, she knew her desire was plain. She wanted all of him, more than she had ever wanted anyone, and after kissing him one more time, she reached behind him, turning off the burner. Without breaking his gaze, she reached for his hand and slowly began leading him to the bedroom.
17
Ira
E
vening again, and still I am here. Cocooned in silence, interred by the white hard cold of winter, and unable to move.