The Line Between(99)

The last time I saw Kennedy I was walking away from her – again – but at the time it was the right thing to do. She woke up after her accident, and I expected her to yell at me, and tell me to leave, because I deserved that and so much more. Instead, she’d given me what I wanted, which was time to sort myself out, head and heart included.

I needed time to forgive myself for the mistakes I made, and for the unforgiveable things I'd said to her the night of her accident. I’d hit an all-time personal low, and because I was too stubborn, and selfish to see past my own hatred and grief, I blamed her. For everything.

I wouldn’t say I was good enough for her after this past month, but I knew I was ready to try, and I wanted her to see that. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to her if it meant she was willing to take that chance on me. On us.

My mother and I had been spending a lot of time together lately, and she’d helped me put things into perspective. I expected her to be upset about my relationship with Kennedy, but instead she’d simply said, “I want you to be happy, the same way I knew Jewel was with Charlie.” I’d had no idea she knew about their relationship, or that she’d had no objection to them being together, and it made me realize just how easily I’d adopted my father’s beliefs about the Monroe family. It was one of many reasons why I’d cut all contact from him after Kennedy’s accident. I no longer wanted him to influence how I was allowed to feel about her.

Despite the frigid temperature, my hands were sweating, and my pulse raced wildly. I was so fucking nervous and scared and ready. There was a possibility Kennedy hadn’t waited for me, and that thought alone had me wanting to make a U-turn on the way here several times, but I believed she was worth the risk of coming here, and potentially humiliating myself. Either way, I was about to find out.

I pushed the barn door open and pretty much walked into a country music video. They had a live band on a makeshift stage at the far back, with round tables close to the door, decked out in checkered table cloths and bales of hay as chairs. They’d also made a small bar on the left, where mostly men had gathered to drink beer, and ‘shoot the shit’. Right in the center was the dance floor, and it seemed to be the hub for all the chaos going on around me.

A few people spared me a glance, but for the most part everyone else seemed too preoccupied to notice me. I was grateful for that, because these people were about to get really well acquainted with me in about ten minutes.

Beau spotted me from across the room, and moved through the small crowd until he was standing next to me.

“I was starting to think you weren’t gonna make it,” he said, reaching for my hand. I shook it, grateful that I had found an unlikely ally in him.

“I almost turned around a few times,” I replied honestly.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” he chuckled. “You’re my entertainment for the evening.”

I laughed nervously, knowing he was teasing, and anxiously looked around for Kennedy. I didn’t want her to see me yet.

“She’s stepped out with Sarah for a bit,” said Beau. “So if you’re still sure you want to do this here, now’s your chance.”

“Thanks again for letting me come,” I slapped him on the back. “I appreciate your help.”

“Just do right by her, and you, and I won’t have any problems.” I heard the warning undertone, and nodded briskly as I stepped past him.

“Good luck,” he yelled above the music, and I swore I heard him laugh. Fucker. Couldn’t he tell I was already sweating bullets?

The band had just finished playing another song when I reached the stage, and the guy in front of the mic turned to me with a grin. I should’ve known Beau would have told someone I was coming, and exactly what I had planned.

“Alright folks,” the guy said into the mic, “We’re going to take a break, get some beer, and be back in a few minutes.” The crowed hollered as the band stood and left the stage.

This was it.

I was about to make a complete fool of myself, and all to prove to a girl that I was worth taking a chance on.

“It’s now or never lover boy.” I turned and found Beau right behind me, ready to throw me on stage if I didn’t get up there myself. “She just walked in with Sarah.”

I swallowed all my nervousness, and took the two steps leading onto the stage, aware that I had more than a few peoples’ attention. I took the mic in one hand, and tapped it awkwardly before opening my mouth.

“Good evening everybody.”

Crickets.