The Line Between(51)

The cafeteria was crowded, but I was able to find an empty table after picking up a cheeseburger, and some fries for lunch. Not the healthiest food choice, but I was too deep into my ‘I Have No More Fucks To Give’ phase to be bothered.

Jade dropped her textbooks onto the table with a thud, and dropped down next to me. I removed my earphones just as Ashley followed suit.

“Seriously, these professors are trying to prevent me from living long enough to attend finals,” said Jade. “My Art History professor puts the ‘itch’ in ‘bitch’.”

“I know what you mean,” replied Ashley. “I’ve been working non-stop in the labs for the last month. I’m exhausted.”

She started eating her usual – chicken salad with lite dressing – while Jade and I dove into our burgers.

“You’ve been quiet his week,” remarked Jade. She gently jabbed me in the ribs to get my attention. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve just been busy prepping for finals. I think I may have finally decided on a major.”

At least that was the one thing to come of my self-induced weeklong social hiatus.

“And?”

“Educational Psychology, with a minor in English.”

“That’s great,” Jade enthused. “Definitely sounds like something you’d enjoy.”

I nodded, filling my mouth with more food just to avoid making idle chitchat. I wasn’t really in the mood for conversation.

“Good God, that boy is hotter than a heat wave in July,” said Ashley. The change of subject was welcomed, since I no longer wanted to be talking about me, but when I turned in my seat, and noticed who she was talking about I wished I’d left my earphones in.

Jade watched me from the corner of her eye, but I kept my gaze down, pretending not be aware of everything Ashley was prattling on about.

“He’s just too damn sexy,” she said, ogling him with open appreciation.

“He’s trouble,” replied Jade. “And he can be a total douche.”

“Douche or not, I’d happily become a notch on his bedpost for one night with him.”

I cringed, and ducked my head to hide my reaction. They had no idea what had happened so I couldn’t very well tell her that being tossed aside after one night with him sucked. Even though I was over it.

Yeah, right.

“Rumors have been circulating like wildfire this week,” Ashley remarked. It was so casual, and yet I’d tensed at the thought of someone knowing about Dane and me.

“What rumors?” Asked Jade. She’d stopped eating, but unlike me it probably had less to do with a lack of appetite and more to do with her need to be up-to-date on campus gossip.

“I heard he’s been seeing that Amy girl from the school dance team, as in dating her.”

I kept my face neutral, but inside I felt a little humiliated. How could I have been so stupid and still so willing when I predicted that this was bound to happen?

Silly Kennedy.

“Dane never dates,” Jade argued. “And we’ve known him a lot longer than that slut has.”

Ashley shrugged. “Apparently he’s been at her sorority house all week. She’s been telling everyone that the sex is - ”

I stood up abruptly, knocking my chair over. “Shit,” I muttered, picking it up. “I forgot. I have a class in fifteen minutes, and I’m going to be late. I’ll see you later, okay?”

I avoided Jade’s worried eyes, as well as the stares of my peers, and left the cafeteria before I could hear anything else about Dane and his supposed girlfriend. I knew it was probably bullshit, just another lie churned by the Brighton rumor mill, but it wasn’t the girlfriend part that bothered me so much. It was the part that it could have quite possibly been true, thanks to Dane’s stellar reputation as a man whore that niggled at me. The thought of him having sex with someone else shouldn’t have even fazed me, and as much as I tried like hell to deny it, it got to me.

Having Dane make me feel so small reminded me of when I was twelve - the first time I thought I’d had my heart broken. I’d asked Kyle Mathers to the school dance, and when he turned me down in front of everyone they laughed. I couldn’t understand his rejection, when days before that I’d heard he was going to ask me first.

Then I found out why.

Dane had told Kyle and every other boy in our grade that I had a problem with body odor, and to a thirteen-year-old boy that was a pretty big deal, but to a twelve-year-old girl it was one of the most humiliating things ever. Charlie had found me crying in the middle of my bed, and tried his hardest to comfort me. His efforts weren’t completely in vain but Dane had still managed to make me feel small, and insignificant. Though his pranks had gotten worse over the years, I made a promise to myself that he would never make me feel so worthless again, and for the most part I succeeded.