“Get Jade out of here,” I half-shouted, struggling to keep Kennedy still. She wriggled in my arms, and fought my hold.
“No, Dane. Let me go!” She whimpered.
“Now,” I said to Reid. He wrapped his arms around Jade, and led her away. Kennedy’s back was to my chest, and I crossed her arms over her chest. Her breathing was ragged, and I noticed the blood on her fisted hands.
“Kennedy,” I said her name as calmly as possible, trying not to rattle her further. “Stop.”
She writhed in my arms, and started kicking wildly. It only made me hold her tighter. Her foot hit my shin, and somehow we ended up on the floor with her cradled between my legs.
I tucked my head into her neck. “Ssshh,” I brushed my lips across her skin. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
The words felt wrong, and inappropriate, but I’d hoped she would hear me anyway. I had no idea if I could get her to calm down, but something inside me wanted to try.
After a few moments, Kennedy’s body sagged against mine, and I felt her shaking. Her breathing slowed, and matched the steady movements of my chest. She cried, and I simply held her.
It was strange. To have her in my arms, looking such a mess, and feel the need to protect her, even after all I’d done to her. The way she reacted to my embrace was confusing, but I chose not to dwell on it. The only reasonable explanation I had was that Jade wasn’t strong enough to get Kennedy to stop, and she had no choice but to stop fighting me because I overpowered her. There was nothing more to it than that. There couldn’t be.
Kennedy leaned her head on my shoulder, but I couldn’t see her face. I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
“Why does it hurt so much?” Her voice was hoarse, and scratchy. “Why does losing them have to be so damn hard?”
My chest constricted, and I sucked in a breath. I wished I hadn’t known what – or who – she was talking about. I wished I didn’t understand the pain, and despair in her voice. But more importantly, I wished those things hadn’t tethered us together.
I couldn’t respond, so I gave her a few minutes, and when I was sure she was calmer, I loosened my grip on her wrists.
“Where are you hurt?” I asked quietly, needing to think about something else.
“My hand, and I think my knee.”
I lifted her hand and she winced. There was a long cut in the center of her palm that had bled all over her hand.
“What happened?”
“I fell… and cut my hand on some glass.” She didn’t offer any more than that, and I didn’t ask. What I needed to do was get her cleaned up, and leave.
“Can you stand?”
She nodded, and slowly rose to her feet. I saw the pieces of broken glass strewn across her floor, and rather than risk her getting her feet cut I lifted her up, and cradled her in my arms. We both remained quiet as I took her into her bathroom, and placed her on the closed toilet. I wet her washcloth with some hot water, and grabbed a first aid kit from the basin cabinet. I felt her eyes on me while I tended to her hand, and then her grazed knee, cleaning both wounds and bandaging up her hand.
The only time I looked at her was when I started cleaning her face, and even then I wasn’t sure what to say. I was afraid that she’d ask me why I was here, but I was even more afraid of my answer – or rather the fact that I couldn’t give her one.
“Will you be okay to get dressed?” I asked, lingering awkwardly between the bathroom door and where she was seated.
“Yes.”
I gave a sharp nod, and turned around to leave.
“Dane.” Her voice stopped me, but I kept my back to her. “I miss her too, you know.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, and my jaw tensed until my teeth hurt. I couldn’t talk to her like this. It was too much, and if I held onto her words, and the loneliness they conveyed, the wall I’d put up between us would crumble and I couldn’t have that.
Without responding, I walked out. Jade was curled up into Reid’s side on the sofa, but I ignored their gazes as I made my way back our apartment next door.
I stepped into my room, and did the only thing I could to dispel the tornado of feelings coursing through me.
I punched the wall. Over and over and over again.
Until the only pain I was focused on was that in my hand, and not the pain reflected in Kennedy’s voice.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Kennedy
I BLINKED RAPIDLY, trying to adjust to the sunlight filtering into my room. My eyelids protested, and my eyes burned from the dryness that accompanied a full night of crying.
My body felt heavy, but I managed to crawl out from under the covers and sit up, adjusting to the natural light. I felt like crap, but it was nothing compared the ache in my chest. The night before flooded my mind, but I couldn’t cry anymore. There were no tears left.