She leaves the kitchen after that, taking the honey to Natasha, and before we head back, Lachlan says to me, “I’m not going to say anything to Kayla. I’m not going to say anything to Jessica and Donald. I’m leaving that all up to you. I just want you to know that no one is going to think anything less. Of either of you. But you can’t keep this inside forever. You’ve kept it inside for long enough.”
He walks away, and I’m left in the kitchen wondering how a rugby player got so much smarter than a professor.
Later that evening, when it’s time to turn in, me in my old bedroom, Natasha in Lachlan’s, I knock at her door.
“Are you decent?” I whisper.
“No,” she says. I smile, looking down the hall to the shut door of my parents’ room before walking in.
She’s sitting cross-legged on the bed in her pajamas, flipping through an old magazine.
“Hey,” I say, disappointed. “You’re completely decent.”
“Oh,” she says. “I thought you meant in general.”
“Well, that too.” I close the door and sit on the bed beside her. “Sorry this couldn’t have been a bit more romantic. I barely fit on the bed myself.”
She gives me a delicate smile, placing her hand on mine. “It’s lovely. It’s nice to be in a house where you can feel the warmth, you know?” She scrunches up her nose. “So how do you think I did?”
“With my family, are you kidding? You were incredible. They loved you.”
“You sure? One moment I’m trying to be all proper and the next I’m telling them that my ass was hanging out at the Rome airport.”
I squeeze her hand, grinning. “That story only endeared them to you. And you further to me. I’m a bit jealous of that airport, to be honest.”
“You can see my ass at any time,” she points out. “In fact, my ass belongs to you and you alone.”
“Oh really?” I raise my brow. “Can we get that down in writing at some point?”
“So they really liked me?”
“Yes,” I tell her. “Just as I knew they would. How could anyone not be as charmed by you as I am?”
“Well, my mother for one,” she says, looking away.
“Your mother doesn’t count. Your own family is always complicated. But I bet even your mother thinks you’re marvelous deep down. Just as everyone else does.”
“Do you think Lachlan liked me?”
“I know he did.” I peer at her inquisitively. “Did you recognize him in any way?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve met him before.”
“I have?” She shakes her head. “I would have remembered. When?”
“You were in a pub, so I don’t think you would have remembered. I’m surprised he does, but that’s how much of an impression you leave on people.”
“Oh my god. I met him at a pub. What did he say, did he talk to you about it just tonight?”
I nod. “He says you were drunk and upset. About four years ago, here in Edinburgh. You confessed you were in love with a married man to him and the bartender, Rennie, who used to be on his rugby team. I believe Lachlan gave you some advice, saying you needed to be—”
“A catalyst for change,” she whispers. “I remember now, though I can’t really see his face. I just remember talking and getting that liquid courage. Then I remember writing the email and you came over, and…then I kissed you.” She looks down at the duvet.
“Hey,” I say softly, hunching over to see her better. “I hope you don’t regret that. I certainly don’t.”
“I was out of line. I should have never said those things, and I should have never kissed you.”
“Well, in that way of thinking, I should have never gone over to your flat. But I wanted to see you. I needed to see if you felt the same way that I felt about you. I don’t regret a thing. Not me going over there, not you kissing me. It is what it is, and guess what, you were a catalyst and things did change.”
She swallows hard. “Not all change is good,” she says in a low voice.
“Natasha,” I warn her. “I told you that we’re done with feeling guilty. I can’t move on, move past this, without you moving with me. We’re a team, you know that. I want us to discuss what was without feeling any guilt or shame. It’s the only way.”
She nods, and I hope it’s sunken in. I know it isn’t easy, but it’s really the only chance we have.
“Kayla’s really nice,” she says after a moment, her voice perking up. “A total firecracker. At first it was hard to see that she and your brother are together—they both seem so different. But it’s obvious how in love with each other they are.”