He was right. But the years held too much shame and bitterness for me to ever indulge whether Natasha had truly loved me or not. Here though—now—I know she did.
I know I did, too.
And I know those feelings are rising again, becoming a hard truth once more. There would be no gradual ascent for us. My feelings won’t slowly trickle into something. They’ll leap all at once, like lemmings over a cliff. With no regard for the future or pain or even if Natasha feels the same way. I’ll go over and hope the freefall lasts longer than my years.
I take a swig of my beer and sigh. “You say love doesn’t go away. What if it was burned to ashes?”
“Well. Love is fire,” he says simply, cocking his head. “And fire rises. It creates the ashes. And it rises above them. Just like any man can come out of something that should have buried him, love can too.”
I frown at him, utterly puzzled by this particular man. “Max, Max, Max, I hardly knew ye. A bartender and a celebrant and a poet all in one.”
“Yeah, well, don’t tell anyone,” he says. “And don’t write off my philosophy just because it’s coming from my mouth. You know it’s true. You want love again, well you’ve got it. She’s walking in the door, mate.”
His eyes dart to the doorway, and I whip around in my seat to see Natasha walking in.
I’m not sure the feeling of weightlessness in my chest is ever going to get old. The blood rushing to my dick certainly won’t.
Natasha sees me and smiles. Everything about her just lights up the room, and I’m surprised she’s not turning heads, people wondering where the glow is coming from. This rare and gorgeous creature is smiling at me, for me, walking toward me.
I’ll do anything to make her mine.
Keep her mine.
Anything.
Bloody hell, that’s such a terrifying thought when you realize the depth of it.
“Hi,” she says, stopping beside me.
I immediately get out of my seat and kiss her.
She gasps lightly in shock then giggles as I pull away, my hands in her golden hair and skirting down her soft cheeks, marveling at her.
“How are you real? How are you here?” I ask her softly.
She takes the seat beside me and briefly eyes Max, perhaps shy at the sudden and public display of affection. “Well, I just shared the train with a bunch of stinky people, so I definitely know this is all real. I couldn’t pinch my way out of that one.”
She quickly reaches over and pinches my forearm, hard enough to make me yelp.
“Hey,” I scold her, rubbing at my skin.
“Wuss,” she says, grinning happily. “But it’s not a dream, is it?”
“If it were, the beers would be on the house,” Max says, piping up. “Alas, they aren’t.”
I eye him dryly, knowing that the longer we stay here, the less privacy we’ll have.
“Dream crusher,” I tell him. “Give the lady a snakebite and I’ll have another. And then I’ll settle up the almighty tab.”
Max can scarcely believe what he’s hearing. It’s a long-running joke that I’m slow to pay my tab. But now that Natasha is this close to me, I’m having a hard time keeping my hands to myself, let alone finishing my beer.
Max gives us our drinks and then shoots me a not-so-sly wink before heading down the bar to help someone else.
“He seems nice,” she says. “You know, for someone that looks like he was the tour manager for Pink Floyd.”
I laugh. “You’ve been reading my mind today, haven’t you?”
She raises her head, appraising me. “Have I? What else have you been thinking about other than the bartender?”
I grin at her, wiggling my jaw back and forth. “Do you want the truth?”
She adjusts herself on the stool to face me more squarely and puts her hand on my knee. “Always,” she says with smiling eyes.
I lean in closer, staring at her collarbones. I lower my voice. “I’ve been thinking about what it was like to fuck you. I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do to you tonight.”
I wait a moment and then look up. She’s staring at me with a hyper-sexual mix of lust and innocence. Her lips part.
“Just that,” I whisper to her. “Just your fucking lips dropping open, and I think about all the places you could put them.”
Her cheeks are flushed now, eyes glistening. She blinks at me and then takes a long gulp of her drink. I know I’m being too forward, but I can only be honest with her, even if it shocks her. The fact is, I want to shock her. I want to see this side of her with the shy eyes and the pink cheeks. I want to expose her to a part of me she might not recognize.