“Hey, are you two planning to crimp my son’s style?” Joseph came out onto the deck of the restaurant, where Lindsay and I were playing with the baby. He stood behind his wife, wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her back against him. He growled into her ear, and she giggled, blushing. A pang of loss and longing hit my chest, and I had to focus on standing still, forcing myself to smile again.
“We’re looking out for his welfare. We can’t have him getting tangled up with some skank.” I winked at my brother.
Joseph took the baby from my arms. “Don’t worry, kiddo, Dad’s got your back. I’ll keep the womenfolk in line when you need to check out hot babes on the beach.”
Lindsay shook her head. “You’re a bad influence, Joseph Hawthorne. Now give me my baby so I can go upstairs and put him down for a nap before the lunch rush begins.” She scooped up DJ and headed inside.
“You need any help?” I pulled out a chair, scraping it against the wood of the deck, and sat down.
“Nah, we got this. You don’t have to work on your vacation.” He laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “You okay, sis? You’ve been sort of quiet since you got home. Mom’s worried.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom worries if we breathe the wrong way. I’m surprised she notices much, though. She’s so wrapped up with Uncle Logan.”
Joseph leaned against the deck railing. “Yeah, she is. But don’t think she doesn’t see everything going on.” He paused, gazing out over the ocean. “Does it still really bother you? Mom and Logan, I mean?”
I shrugged. “No, not really. I guess it’s always kind of a shock, though, you know? While I’m away, I don’t have to think about them. Then I get home, and we’re in the kitchen at his house, which is now her house, too, and I walk in on the two of them making out in the kitchen, with Mom on the counter.”
Joseph winced. “Yeah, that’s not a visual I need. But I guess because I’m around them all the time, I’m getting used to it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “She’s so happy, Meggie. And he would walk across fire for her. His eyes never leave her, and he’s always trying to do things to bring her joy. I’m glad about that.”
“I guess so.” We were quiet for a minute, listening to the waves break on the shore and the sound of the tourists on the beach.
“But you didn’t answer me. What’s going on? Did something happen at school? Or this summer?”
I reached behind my back to tie the top of my bikini tighter. “No, nothing happened.” I stifled a sigh. “Okay, well, something did happen, but it’s nothing. It’s over, and I just need some time to move on.”
“Aha. And was this something that happened named Sam?”
My eyes flashed to his. “How did you know that?”
Joseph chuckled. “Meghan, I’m not stupid. None of us are. You talk about everyone from Burton, but whenever you say his name, you get this look on your face. This careful, blank look. It’s your tell. You did that when you talked about Dad, too, after he died. Like you could control how much you felt.”
I crossed my arms on the table and dropped my head into them. “I made a mess, Joseph. I forced him into a no-ties, friends-with-benefits-only summer affair, and then I was stupid enough to go and fall in love with him. And now it hurts, and I miss him, and it feels like nothing will ever be good again.”
My brother scooted his chair closer to me and put his arm around my shaking shoulders. “Aw, Meggie, don’t cry. It can’t be that bad. Did you tell him how you felt?”
I shook my head. “He made it clear from the beginning. He has obligations there, the farm and his sister. He didn’t want to get involved with me, but I pushed. And so I got what I deserved.”
He stroked my hair, and for one moment, it felt as though my father was standing there. Joseph was so much like him, and the sharp pain of loss struck me all over again.
“I don’t think you can know that until you’re honest with him about your feelings, Meggie. Wouldn’t you rather know than just assume he doesn’t feel the same way?”
I sniffled. “If he did, why wouldn’t he tell me?”
Joseph rolled his eyes. “If you do, why wouldn’t you tell him? Logic, woman, logic. If the two of you feel the same way, but no one’s admitting it, you’re both going to be sorry.”
I pulled a few paper napkins from the dispenser on the table. “And just how did you get to be so smart about this kind of stuff? Weren’t you the one coming to me just a few years ago, crying about girls and love?”