I swallowed over the lump in my throat. “You’re welcome to have friends come out here to visit you, Meghan. You know that. Or I hope you do.”
“Owen’s not really a friend. Or maybe ... well, I don’t know. Laura’s really my only friend at school. I know other people, but there’s no one I’d want to come out here. No one I care about. And Laura’s in North Carolina, you remember that.”
I nodded. Meghan mentioned Laura frequently, and I knew the two talked via cell quite a bit.
She took a deep breath. “I met Owen in freshman year, and I knew from the beginning that he had a crush on me. He was the one who always came by our dorm room or made sure he was at the same parties we went to. Laura always teased me that all I had to do was crook my finger and Owen would propose.”
When I nodded again, I felt like an idiot. But I knew there was nothing I needed to say here.
“I made sure we were just friends. I never encouraged him in any way or flirted. I didn’t want to hurt him. When he finally started dating someone else, I was thrilled. But then one night he got drunk and came to my apartment, and he told me the girl he was dating was just a substitute for me, that when I was ready, he’d drop her for me. I felt horrible. I didn’t know what to do. So for the longest time, I didn’t do anything.
“Then my dad got sick and I was back and forth to Florida all the time. When Daddy—died, I was there, and I stayed until the funeral, but then I had to go back to school. Joseph was staying with Mom, but I had exams. So I came back, and I was hurting so bad. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted anything that would make the pain go away. I went out that night, and I got drunk. I mean, really, really wasted. I drank until I couldn’t remember my own name ... and you can probably guess what happened next. Owen was there, and he found me crying in a corner. He took me home, and we ...” She dropped her forehead onto her arm so that her voice was muffled when she finished. “We had sex.”
I closed my eyes. I remembered that pain. I had done some fairly reprehensible things in the name of making it go away. I imagined Meghan, hurting and needing comfort, and I couldn’t blame her for what had happened.
“Honestly, I didn’t even remember it. I woke up with him looking down at me like we’d just had our wedding night. I couldn’t get away from him fast enough, and I tried to explain what had happened, but nothing’s ever gotten through to him. He keeps hanging around, no matter how many other guys I sleep with.” Her eyes flashed to me, worried. “He thinks in the end we’re going to end up together, so he’s willing to wait me out.”
“What did you tell him just now?” I understood this guy was hung up on her, but someone had to tell him to get lost. If Meghan couldn’t do it, I was happy to volunteer.
“I sat him down and told him that I was never going to be with him again. I told him that what had happened between us once was a huge mistake and that I couldn’t even remember it at all. I said he didn’t mean anything to me, that I only let him hang around me because I felt sorry for him.” She raised eyes to me that were brimming with misery. “I was cruel, and that’s the one thing I’ve always sworn I wouldn’t be. But I didn’t know what else to do.”
I couldn’t sit still anymore. I went around the table and knelt in front of her chair, pulling her to me. “You had to tell him. The guy’s living his life based on a lie, on the chance that you might someday change your mind. What you did was the kindest choice.” I stroked her hair. “Don’t beat yourself up. It’s going to be better in the long run.”
She shook against my shoulder, and I realized she was sobbing. “I’m a terrible person, Sam. You were right that day. I’m irresponsible and immature and I’m a bad friend.”
“Meghan, no.” I lifted her up, sat down in the chair and held her on my lap. “I was stupid. You’re one of the kindest, most mature people I know. Plus, you’re so full of joy and life, you make everyone around you happier. Hell, you even made me smile, right?”
She sniffed, loudly. “He was so upset when he left, Sam. What if he gets in an accident? What if—” She shuddered. “He wouldn’t do anything to himself, would he? Oh, God. I need to call Ziggy. He used to be his roommate. He needs to know.” She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her cell. I held her while she scrolled her contacts and hit a name. She spoke to the guy who answered for a few minutes, choking a few times as she explained what had happened.
After a short conversation, she hung up. “Ziggy’s going to text me when Owen gets back, and he won’t leave him alone until he seems okay. Those guys are idiots, but they’re good friends. I know Ziggy’ll watch out for him.”