He did set her down, on the edge of the bed, but his curiosity was high. “How do you go about, Jane? I’d not realized there was such a large amount of blood with a woman’s courses.”
She sighed and looked up at him. “I have cloths just for this purpose. They are folded and pinned inside a set of drawers I wear during my time. I change the cloths several times during the day, and wash them out to be used again, later during my time, or the following month.”
“What a great bother it must be.”
“Indeed. But it’s necessary, is it not? Otherwise, we wouldn’t have children.”
“I feel rather . . . incompetent.”
“Because there’s really nothing you can do to relieve me of this? Even dukes must bow to nature, you know.”
“Do you mean to say, you don’t mind?”
“Not so much. One grows accustomed to it, truthfully. Now do go away, Blixford. I find myself somewhat at odds about all this.”
“Why?”
She glanced over her shoulder at the sheets and murmured, “If you must know, this is something I’ve always dealt with on my own. It’s intensely private.”
“Understandable, but answer me one question before I go.”
“Very well.” Her face was still averted.
He was thinking about her upbringing in a houseful of males, with no mother to direct her in the ways of women. “How did you begin? How did you know how to go on?”
She didn’t answer for some time. He was about to say she didn’t have to, that he was sorry for prying, when she spoke very softly. “I was twelve years old and had not the slightest idea why I would be bleeding, except I was surely dying. I dressed and went to say goodbye to my family. When they realized I thought I would die, they were naturally confused and asked why, was I ill? It was horrible, truly, because of where I bled. I ran off and stayed in the woodsman’s hut that night and all of the next day, until Old Maudie came and found me there. She was said to be fey, and made her living by telling people their fortunes whilst she smoked a long pipe. She said she kenned I was in trouble and sought me out, then took me home with her and showed me what I was to do, and explained why I bled. I vowed I would never marry, never have children, because it was simply too ghastly to contemplate. Old Maudie said I was wrong, that I would marry and have seven children, as my mother had. I thought she said it only to make me feel better. When I went home, Sherbourne and my brothers never mentioned the incident again, or asked where I’d been. But I later found out through the housekeeper that they’d taken turns watching the hut. I suspect they knew, and Papa probably sent Old Maudie to see me, because I liked and trusted her.”
Michael decided to find Old Maudie, if she was still living, and press a great deal of money upon her. Perhaps he’d have her tell him his fortune while he was at it. Stepping close to his duchess, he petted her hair before bending to kiss the top of her head. “What a lonely little girl you were, in spite of all your brothers. You had no female friend to confide in.”
“I had Annabel. But she was always so proper, and not one with whom I could discuss anything so personal. She was forever determined to make me into a girl, and I didn’t want it. My brothers would never have allowed me to join them if I was a girl in a dress.”
“Was it so important to join them?”
At last she looked at him. “It meant everything, Blix. I adored them, all of them. They were fun and jolly and able to do most anything, it seemed. Have you not figured out this is why I’m so mad about you? I’m always attracted to and inspired by those with tremendous ability and strength of character. For all that my brothers can be insensitive clods, occasionally very badly behaved, they’re each of them amazing men. Just like you.”
He blinked several times and rested his hands upon her head, stroking downward, tangling his fingers in her hair.
“If you say I’m too kind, or I’m blind, or some other such rubbish, I’ll plant you a facer. Women can be tetchy during their courses.”
Laughter bubbled up in his throat, though he was certain it was a knee-jerk reaction to counteract and bypass the lump that had formed there. “Very well, I won’t speak rubbish. I’ve no doubt you could indeed plant me a facer of significant wallop.”
“Oh, Blixford,” she said around a sob, “I’m so sorry!”
What was this? He drew her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her. “What are you sorry for?”
She mumbled into his shoulder, “I don’t mean to be mannish, truly I don’t, but it just pops out there, and I know how much you dislike it. I’m so sorry I’ve made a mess of things, and you will not want me, ever again, because now this is in your mind and you won’t be able to forget it, and oh! I’m not with child, which I know must disappoint you, no matter what you say. It is, after all, the only reason you married me, and I’ve failed you. Now you’ll leave me alone at Eastchase and I’ll die of missing you. Please don’t do that. I’ll try again, truly I will, and surely I’ll be successful this time, and we’ll never think of the sheets again. Tell me you won’t. Say you will still want me.”